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Confusing relationships with other Aspies

It sounds like he was giving you a chance to talk about the issue. You both have different perspectives on messaging. What did he do that was rude?
 
Well at least you admit that it was only your perception! It was through text, right? Your perception has little basis. The best thing would be to talk openly (without anger) about it, perhaps explaining the anxiety and frustration it causes you, without implying that he is doing something wrong, because he isn't, as far as i know.
 
Because Aspies aren't always the best at wording things or understanding how those words could be read by someone else. Maybe it was an innocent question that was phrased poorly. Of course, it could be just a rude retort. Unless you ask calmly and explain that you are hurt, they might not know.

I mean I had to learn how to word things for a very long time because people would think I'm rude. Tone is something that is difficult to master and men struggle with these things more as far as I am aware - aspie or not.
 
Frostee said:
Why wouldn’t someone who said “do you have a problem with that?” be interpreted as being rude!? :(
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Before you said he said, "do you have a problem with my messaging pattern"

But if he did say, "Do you have a problem with that?" I would only think it's rude by the tone, but it was text so I wouldn't assume.
 
We went out to the cinema last night. That was fine - although he initially told me that I would have to get the bus back to my Apartment but then when we were leaving he offered to drive me back?? Why the flip flopping?

He then said that he wouldn’t be meeting up with me next week because he has exams. No suggestions of when we could hang out?

His actions are all over the place. And I am feeling confused again.

I can’t help but think that he is being guided by someone - I mean why would he change his decision or answer to question so many times with no change in his own plans?
 
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People change their minds, it’s not necessarily flip-flopping all over the place. He probably thought he was doing you a favor by offering to drive you home. I’d take it as a gesture of appreciation rather than fretting over the how, why and what.
 
Are you able to step away from this situation & develop a coping mechanism until you can process your emotions? I usually find deep restorative sleep & journaling to be helpful tools &/or channeling that energy into an interest. But everybody’s different. I’m sorry that happened to you.
 
Not many people have cemented plans etched into their brains for the day ahead. I don't. I change my mind on things based on circumstance or how I feel. That isn't flim flamming. It's called being human? Honestly, he sounded pretty normal.
He can't give you a date when you can hang out again because he has exams, his focus is elsewhere right now which is totally understandable.

I think you need to ease up and go with the flow a bit more.
 
Monachopia said:
Not many people have cemented plans etched into their brains for the day ahead. I don't. I change my mind on things based on circumstance or how I feel. That isn't flim flamming. It's called being human? Honestly, he sounded pretty normal.
He can't give you a date when you can hang out again because he has exams, his focus is elsewhere right now which is totally understandable.

I think you need to ease up and go with the flow a bit more.
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I find him hard to read, and that stresses me out.

Before we left he told me that I had to get the bus back.. then when we came out of the cinema he changed his mind and said 'want a lift'.

So, i'm not talking about a few days before.

Regarding not meeting up again - I was asking because this is the last year of University. I don't know if that was our last meet up/if he doesn't want to meet up again.

I am only here for a few more weeks and i'm not sure if I should ask again in a week or so. Because he didn't suggest meeting up another time and it took a few goes before he came out this time.
 
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Like I said Frostee, go with the flow and relax a little. Ask him again after exams are over, I'm sure he's quite stressed right now.
 
Fino said:
Everything he did sounds perfectly normal to me.
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You might be right. My opinion is they are experiencing a conflict between expectations & reality. I’m only seeing it through my own perspective though.
 
A conflict of your expectation that his behavior make sense to you & the reality that it doesn’t make sense to you. Like I said, I’m only seeing this through my own limited perspective. I’m no kind of authority on the matter. I find the behavior of others baffling more often than not.
 
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