Communication issues

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This is just ponderings and musings here, but maybe some of you can relate. What sent my mind in this direction was once again describing my issues with phones. English is the most extensive language in the world and my vocabulary is certainly not negligible, but I struggle to find the correct words to explain what I mean.

I’m an extremely good communicator in a face to face situation, I’m more than that, I’m a talker, a soother, I know how to be likeable and I’m extremely well practiced at it. You’d want to be by my age, eh?

On a phone I’m half deaf. If there’s any traffic noise or music playing in the background I’m fully deaf. My hearing is far more acute than most people’s. I have extremely sensitive hearing, but trying to talk on the phone is the same as trying to talk in a crowded pub. I really struggle with it.

It’s not a physical problem but a sensory one.

When I was training my dog Ruby to hunt I discovered an incredible amount about myself. I’ve always gotten along well with animals, we always seem to understand each other. I believe this is because of a natural and instinctive sensitivity to body language. Once we got used to each other I barely had to use voice at all, we just understood each other.

This made a lot of other people envious, I only ever had to speak softly and she did exactly as she was told even if she pulled faces at me while doing it. But the voice was only for emphasis, what was important to her and what she understood was my body language.

(I think she was also autistic, the few times I forgot myself and yelled at her she went in to full meltdown. She was useless for the rest of the day after that, all she wanted to do was lick your hand.)

I think this body language thing is a big part of the way I communicate with humans too, and that’s why I have so much trouble talking on the phone – there’s entire layers of communication missing in that format.

But then I usually communicate very well in text. Go figure!

 

[GypsyMoth]

In horse training, I used my voice primarily for the benefit of the people standing around watching. Everything else I said to the horse was nonverbal--just as the horse's conversation with me was nonverbal. But to use a soft voice with a horse is a reward, so I would speak to them in soothing tones and it seemed to captivate their interest if anxious, say, over having their feet trimmed.

I, too, am good with critters. My cats come when I call and I trim their claws by setting them on my lap and just trimming them. This seems to amaze people who've seen me do this. Butwith my dog, it's less smooth. (Horses are by far easier for me to read, and they me.) I use a lot of hand motions with her. The herding dog competitions I've watched are truly amzing--it's all done by whistle. (Fun to watch!)

(You know, my husband yells at me & I withdraw, then he tells me, "how is it you go from being a fire-breathing to a weeping violet in seconds flat?" Is that an autistic response?)

I hate talking on the phone. I can do it, but I miss words and I often miss the meaning behind what's being said. My grandmother was a lip reader. I must have picked up on some of that because anyone who covers their mouth when they talk is difficult for me to understand.

This phone topic came up on another thread, about a month. It may be an inability for us to filter out the sounds from background noises.

If someone is giving me a series of directions (this is happening to me at work a lot now, with the training), I literally hear sound but no words. There is nothing wrong with my hearing. I think it might be the anxiety kicking in. What I've been doing to compensate is repeating back what I think I've heard. Often in the rephrasing, I realize what was being said. But's not a sure thing--it feels more like walking around in a dark room without shoes. You're bound to stub your foot on something.

 

[Gracey]

I too flounder in telephone conversations. Much (unspoken) information is missing.
It's the unspoken stuff I rely on to confirm speakers meaning when their 'noise' has to compete with the tumultuous environment.

 

[Progster]

I have difficulty with background noise on the phone too, but also the voice is distorted compared to face to face and I find it hard to understand what people are saying.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I'm so bad at communication (possibly irrecoverably) that I get much better responses from people if I just text them. I've never known what it was, possibly my voice, inflection or something else, but I get such weird responses from people that I wish I had a tape recorder on hand at all times so I could see what I was doing wrong.

It feels like an art form that I don't even understand

 

[SusanLR]

I don't like phone conversations.
They just don't seem to convey what I want like a person to person.
I easily forget what I want to say, and one interrupts the other without being
aware it is about to happen. Leaves me scrambling for words.

Worst of all is the voicemail.
When I have to leave a message, I really start getting tongue tied and word search for the correct thing to say.
I like text for communications, but others want the phone talk.
E-mail and messages such as this forum are good.

I've always had some type of communication with animals that others don't seem to understand.
There isn't much need for words, yet words do get their attention.
I feel it is the way they communicate with each other.
They use sounds that have meaning. Alarm, warning, affections, calling and some
such as dolphins, whales, birds, (especially penguins), have unique sounds that identifies themselves.
But overall, there seems to be a knowing. More on the mental level of connection.
I've found this between animals and myself, and I study the societal reactions and social ways of animal species.
It's like there are no words for this form of communication.

 

[Luca]

I don’t talk on the phone at all unless:
1.) I’m 100% comfortable with someone, or
2.) I have to, for business reasons or because I need to schedule an appointment or something.

I also (obviously) communicate with animals with no problems, but not so much with people.
My entire life and career are based on communication with animals.

I often struggle with verbal communication but I don’t have a lot of trouble expressing myself in writing.

 

[330]

Ok great I am not weird . It seems I am not the only one who does not like phone conversations.
2 minutes is more then adequate to tell me what you need to on a phone .
I hear everything else except what the person is telling me and I get really frustrated. Every other possible noise . And it becomes painful in my ears. Especially if the noise is from their phone . Blue tooth makes it even worse .

 

[Storm Hess]

I have to be really comfortable with someone to have a conversation with them. On here, I can decide what to say and when to say it and not feel pressured by someone standing in front of me. I've never been one for small-talk or idle chatter. I prefer silence.

Phone? Hate 'em. I only use them for emergency and development.

 

[Darkkin]

Phones are one of the circles of purgatory...right up there with people who elicit road rage in the grocery store.

Something I do pay attention to, is how conscious people are about those around them in a public setting. People who cluster and block aisles just to talk, taking no heed of those who have to practically shout to be heard, so they can simply get through...these silent behaviors tell a lot about people.

Someone who knocks into a table and stops to pick up the stuff they knocked off, people who apologize for asking a reasonable question, these are folks who have frontlined in service industries, those who are aware of those around them often seem much more reasonable than those aimlessly block passage for those around them. Oblivious entitlement versus conscientious interaction.

It is a key factor in that initial interaction read.

 

[SacredHeart]

I hate phone conversations!

Which is odd, I used to be a receptionist and a Pa, no issue but for personal calls I get anxiety.

Something a simple as take out can throw me….it’s and put me into a spin but for work and and general conversation I’m fine….great almost.

I love the English language and although it’s my first language and love literature, my dyslexia has other things in mind.

I have a tendency to confuse words, make up my own and can be ignorant in my errors, ‘ you understood right, so don’t be a dick’.

Communicate my feelings and wants….complete and utter failure and something I’m desperate to work on.

Family and close friends, phone conversations mimic the in person experience…and can last 6+ hours with us just getting on with day to day life but with someone to randomly talk to which people have always found odd.

I love small talk and superficial relationships but struggle with anything meaningful…

Sorry the above turned into a bit of a brain dump but hopefully someone else can relate and find comfort lol

 

[Progster]

I hear everything else except what the person is telling me and I get really frustrated. Every other possible noise

This happens to me, too. I have more miscommunications on the phone than I do face to face, and that's another reason for me to avoid it if possible. I need to makes some phonecalls for business, though. The phone is a necessary evil.

 

[Outdated]

It's so nice to know I'm definitely not the only one. Thank you all.