Hi Patience.
edit: Ashe responded while I was writing my long-winded reply. The concise version of mine is: "What Ashe said!"
I've been married for 14 years, and I still melt down when things get too stressful or with certain triggers. My worst trigger is money and financial matters, even though I have a good job and my wife has an excellent job. I have to say that she is pretty much a rock star for putting up with it, but she is unsympathetic when it happens, and usually just leaves me alone until I work it out for myself. She doesn't tolerate any shouting or name-calling, and always calls me on any such foolishness. This usually makes me really upset in the heat of the tantrum, but I think it may also be how I manage to overcome it and eventually wind down. Years ago she also told me to get help or our relationship might not be possible. I got help, and continue to work on my emotional and sensory issues, and the relationship is basically my lifeline to a sort-of-normal life, so I work hard on it. We try never to go to bed mad with each other, and this agreement/commitment helps a lot too. I sometimes have to leave the house if I feel a freakout coming on, and I have forbidden myself from freaking out in front of our daughter. But I have not been able to eliminate the tantrums completely. I melt down about every six or eight weeks, usually on my days off and/or toward the end of the month when cash runs low. I hate it, but can't prevent it.
However, my first marriage was a total interpersonal disaster. I'm a verbal processor, and my first wife is/was the silent type. That did NOT work at all.
Age and life experience probably have something to do with it. If he is willing and able to work on himself, learn strategies to manage or limit his meltdowns, listen to you and take your feelings, suggestions, and love for him seriously, your relationship stands a better chance of working. It's not an easy row to hoe, but if the relationship is worth it, it's possible to make it work. He may need treatment and help with his self-harm impulses (I did and do), and if he ever threatens you or harms you, you will need to leave immediately. Domestic violence or the threat of it is ALWAYS unacceptable.
I wish you both the very, very best. Take care of yourself first. Make the decision that suits you first. Be honest and communicate often.