Cognitive vs social disability -- HUGE difference! But how does it "look"?

[Khendra]

I lived almost 30 years before I was diagnosed with this "thing." I achieved well in academics, thought I was more or less "normal" (other than some "quirks"), and that was that.

Husband adored me both before and after the diagnosis. He never thought of me as "disabled."

My diagnosis "sheet" says I'm logical, analytic, with good "cognitive skills." I'm at the 90th percentile for all verbal comprehension WAIS-IV subscores, including 99th for vocabulary. I have no deficits with metaphorical or symbolic thought; actually, I have great strength in those. I graduated cum laude with a degree in English. _War and Peace_ is not difficult for me to understand. I even started college a year early.

I can also take care of my own personal hygiene needs, am well-groomed per that same diagnosis sheet, can do most independent living skills (though I was/am "slow" to develop and take care of a few), can give consent (quite happily so with hot and loving husband ), and so forth.

But I'm a social cripple!

Direct support clients with 54 IQs can socially manipulate me, and I get clueless. 6th graders can send me over the edge. I cannot command a classroom. I cannot make friends. I have executive functions and shortcomings at multi-tasking that hinder my work skills at multiple levels. I can handle taking tests and getting good grades easily, but socially, sometimes I seem like I'm a preteen.

This is such an awkward spot to be in, especially as a female! XX chromosome sorts are expected to have these great multi-tasking and social skills. I don't! I can reason philosophically and write giant treatises on neuroscience or theology, but I can barely carry on with another human being I don't know well. I'm also slow and methodical with practical tasks.

So weird of a place to be! It seems there is this big gulf between cognitive vs social disability, but few analyze how this can look, practically.

I am SO out of place with this stuff.

Aspiedom is strange. Would be easier if I were merely "autistic," or merely "neurotypical" -- one way or the other.

But to have all these "cognitive" skills, and few "social" skills, makes things stranger and more complicated.

Who else is in a similar boat, sailing along uncertainly in the river of life?

 

[Gritches]

A social disability is a hell of a thing to consider. It's a very novel concept; whereas mental and physical disabilities have always been recognized, a social disability is no more than a few decades old. Therein lies our problem: the people of the world don't even know what a social disability looks like, much less know how to accommodate it, and nevermind having the will to do so.

Unfortunately, what separates our disability from the traditional forms is in how they are accommodated. You accommodate physical disabilities with things like wheelchair ramps, you accommodate mental disabilities by drugging and warehousing them (off-topic but I had a job handling the medical records of children in such a place, it broke my heart), but how do you accommodate a disability whose only obvious symptom is that the person is awkward, or shy, or rude? What would that accommodation even look like? Any which way, I think it would take more effort than the average person will be willing to put forth to look PC on this issue. I just don't see the kind of progress that needs to happen happening any time soon; not until we're recognized as our own [minority] group and have a strong and unique group identity to stand behind and fight for.

I look to the future and I'm looking up a very steep hill. As it stands, I can walk and talk like a real boy so nobody even cuts me any slack let alone accommodating me in the specific ways I need. It's the same story all around. Sure, there's an autistic power ranger now and an autistic puppet on Sesame Street, and arguably those are signs of progress, but until we're recognized as our own thing, separate from other unrelated disabilities, we will never be able to distinguish our unique type of disability from the rest and get what we need; what we want; what we deserve, by the right of our birth.

Well that was kind of wordy and only maybe relevant, but screw it, I spent 45 minutes writing it, I'm posting it.

 

[WereBear]

I lucked out on the social thing: oh sure, I was bullied, and generally was fortunate to find one friend, but looking back, I treated it as an intellectual puzzle to be solved.

I studied facial expression and body language and learned how to leverage what seems to be high empathy, and use that, too.

By the time I got into high school and fell in with an art crowd, I could be accepted. I can do it so well now that no one would ever believe I have Asperger's.

But as I discovered in mid-life, this was taking a terrible toll on my brain. I was literally running out of brain chemicals, my brain was overclocked and working so hard.

Now that I know I am playing a demanding video game instead of just reacting with instinctive moves, I pace myself more. I don't even know what I do that is different, but I am trying to learn

 

[NeoPhile]

I can relate. I hold a B. A. in Spanish from Kent State University, I have written literary criticism that has been published, I speak three languages, and I have designed and programmed web pages with a database attached and do all the SQL. However, I have a hard time making friends and I got bullied a lot in school. I suffer with relationships, too. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 27.
You're not alone.

 

[ezcare]

Aspiedom is strange. Would be easier if I were merely "autistic," or merely "neurotypical" -- one way or the other.

But to have all these "cognitive" skills, and few "social" skills, makes things stranger and more complicated...

Some of us believe it was a mistake to place "Asperger's" on the Autism Spectrum. Thanks to the awareness of Autism raised by Autism Awareness Organizations, a lot of people have preconceived notions of what Autism looks like in children. Unfortunately, the concept of "high functioning Autism" is often confused with the picture people see when they encounter parents with Autistic children. While this helps smooth the way for Autistic children, it makes it much more difficult to explain Asperger's. As I have said many times on this forum, "Labels are like guns; they can be lethal in the wrong hands."

 

[toothless]

Some of us believe it was a mistake to place "Asperger's" on the Autism Spectrum. Thanks to the awareness of Autism raised by Autism Awareness Organizations, a lot of people have preconceived notions of what Autism looks like in children. Unfortunately, the concept of "high functioning Autism" is often confused with the picture people see when they encounter parents with Autistic children. While this helps smooth the way for Autistic children, it makes it much more difficult to explain Asperger's. As I have said many times on this forum, "Labels are like guns; they can be lethal in the wrong hands."

please could you explain for me....
do you mean it is wrong for aspies to be compared to us [LFAs]?
i am just wondering as i have come across this train of thought a lot online,i have seen a lot of disablist abuse towards us also,from aspies who put us on a par with young children and they basically treat us the equivilent as if theyve just walked in dog poo-they think we have no connection to them,and theyre disgusted at our complex behaviors and difficulties like needing nappies as adults,echolalia,acute head banging and smearing.

we arent that different to you guys [HFA],we just have a more complex form of autism,and because we have some level of intellectual disability it makes our autism present differently to yours,but as mine is mild i am still able to relate to aspies in various ways,which is why i apreciate communiteis like this.

 

[ezcare]

please could you explain for me....
do you mean it is wrong for aspies to be compared to us [LFAs]?
i am just wondering as i have come across this train of thought a lot online,i have seen a lot of disablist abuse towards us also,from aspies who put us on a par with young children and they basically treat us the equivilent as if theyve just walked in dog poo-they think we have no connection to them,and theyre disgusted at our complex behaviors and difficulties like needing nappies as adults,echolalia,acute head banging and smearing.

we arent that different to you guys [HFA],we just have a more complex form of autism,and because we have some level of intellectual disability it makes our autism present differently to yours,but as mine is mild i am still able to relate to aspies in various ways,which is why i apreciate communiteis like this.

The fact that LFA vs HFA distinctions exist and are used by some to abuse others is sad. It underscores my caution that Labels are like guns; they can be lethal in the wrong hands.
I have a grandson who was diagnosed with moderate-to-sever autism at 18 months old. He is now a teenager. In his case the Label was a blessing because it opened the door to a lot of assistance and treatment he could not have gotten without the official diagnosis and label.
But in reference to your question: I did not mean to imply that HFA and LFA folks have nothing in common or that one group is superior to the other. My goal is to inform NTs that just because we share the same spectrum does not mean we share the same socio-intellectual issues and physical problems.

 

[Aspiegirl75]

please could you explain for me....
do you mean it is wrong for aspies to be compared to us [LFAs]?
i am just wondering as i have come across this train of thought a lot online,i have seen a lot of disablist abuse towards us also,from aspies who put us on a par with young children and they basically treat us the equivilent as if theyve just walked in dog poo-they think we have no connection to them,and theyre disgusted at our complex behaviors and difficulties like needing nappies as adults,echolalia,acute head banging and smearing.

we arent that different to you guys [HFA],we just have a more complex form of autism,and because we have some level of intellectual disability it makes our autism present differently to yours,but as mine is mild i am still able to relate to aspies in various ways,which is why i apreciate communiteis like this.

I feel sad that this happens within the autism community. I, personally understand LFA to be individuals, whose difficulties and comorbidities make it harder to function in an NT world more so than HFA. I never really thought that intellect has anything to do with it. Are these labels, intellect-based? Because if they are, then I feel they would be even more hurtful!
I wish there would be a change to these terms coming soon!

 

[Kevin L.]

There seem to be two issues:
1) the world doesn't accept autism.
2) the autistic person has problems dealing with the world.

I just got suspended today at work because of autistic issues, as I follow rules very carefully.

I'm in a double-bind ( ie "damned if you do and damned if you don't").

My father--as part of his view on having a work ethic--always told me that just because my co-workers may not follow the rules...it doesn't follow that I shouldn't follow the rules. If someone else doesn't do their job, it doesn't mean that I shouldn't do my job.

I still buy into this, because if nobody did their job...then how would the world function?

Yet I've been fired from several positions because I did my job, and because I followed procedures.