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Clear your head, empty your mind???

Fridgemagnetman said:
Bananas, other acronyms - as you know humour can also help to break a thought pattern or cycle, so linking it to the breath can also 'ritualise' it .
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Aha !
Rituals I can do :)

Wouldn't it be quite something to turn the tables and use a (OCD) process as an aid.
Minus the fear response.
I'm aware I have the ability to create some cast iron, ridgid habits or rituals.

Use the consequence of what happens when I don't slow up my breathing as a motivator and use it, initially, to override a different habit?

:) - even I'm not quite sure what I mean yet :D

I need to walk the dog and step out of my head into the sunshine and fresh air.

Thanks Fridge :)
 
Gracey said:
Aha !
Rituals I can do :)

Wouldn't it be quite something to turn the tables and use a (OCD) process as an aid.
Minus the fear response.
I'm aware I have the ability to create some cast iron, ridgid habits or rituals.

Use the consequence of what happens when I don't slow up my breathing as a motivator and use it, initially, to override a different habit?

:) - even I'm not quite sure what I mean yet :D

I need to walk the dog and step out of my head into the sunshine and fresh air.

Thanks Fridge :)
Click to expand...


Sometimes there's a habit in a whisper that becomes a roar
"this is what I do in these situations" ---- PANIC

Sometimes there's a habit when a whisper becomes a BANANA
"this is what I do in these situations" - Breathe, practice my ritual (Bananas acronym or any other)

It can be a way of remaining calm for longer, then exiting the situation.

Often these things amount to saying STAY CALM.

Nothing more panic induced than that.

So the ritual - is nothing to do with "trying" to remain calm.

But calmness can come incidentally as part of the process.

Nothing is 100%, but it can buy you some time.
 
Yeah, it's so hard to turn off thinking. I've realized that when i'm 'resting', i'm actually thinking about something else..

By the way, i think your DIL maybe just want to confide to you how lonely/uncomfortable etc she is, when her husband is constantly working.

Notepad.. Oh, i mistook it for a laptop.. Anyway, i think she just wish that he would focus more on their relationship, especially when in bed... Ahem.
 
Doesn't work for me.
Tried different mantras.

environment makes a big difference as well
- fire off 60 or so rounds in a short amount of time and there's a cloud of burning around you that stings the eyes (partially melted my glasses at the time, worse with contacts)
at that point breathing exercises don't mean much for keeping you calm
 
on the mantras line of thinking - for example
what is the sound of one hand clapping?
I can swing my fingers into my palm fast enough to know what this sounds like so it doesn't work.
and many others can be logically defused
 
All of those weird things people say like "what's the sound of one hand clapping" have a logical answer and I've been giving them since I was a child but everyone keeps asking them like they're some great mystery and I don't understand.
 
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Pats said:
My daughter in law came downstairs last night and she was saying how she really wished my son could just stop and rest and empty his mind for a while. I'm sure I gave her a confused look then she continued. "He's always working, planning or doing something. He even comes to bed with his notebook making plans for work projects." By the way, he loves what he does and is really good at it - wood working/carpentry. She was saying she wished he could just relax and clear his head and think of absolutely nothing. I said, that's impossible. She said, no, she does it all the time.

HOW??? I can't not be doing something. I can't sit and watch tv and not be doing something else. And I definitely can't stop the thinking or turn it off. It's a continuous cycle, never ending, never slowing down. Are some people really capable of turning off their thoughts, clearing their heads, emptying their minds? And I always went to bed with a notepad and pen, too. Thinking and planning what next project I want to start on. It's even harder on my mind when I slow down. It's like if I'm busy, my mind is working at a slower pace because I'm having to keep part of it on what I'm doing. When I'm not doing something my mind is absolutely going crazy - shifting thoughts so fast it's hard to keep up with them. In a 30 second time span my mind will go to memories that make me feel guilty or sad, to wants, to plans, to possibilities and probably 50 other subjects. So I guess you can say, at rest my mind is going about 60 subjects a minute, when at work it's only going 30 subjects a minute because between each subject it has to revert back to what I'm doing.

This is one of those things I wish I knew what it was like to be neurotypical. Not saying I want to be that - just give me a day to feel what it's like.
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I'm not perfect at translating NT-speech but my perception is that your daughter in-law may be trying to communicate that she'd like your son to focus a little more of his time on her. She may be afraid to say this directly if it could lead to sore feelings. Consider context, even when alone in bed with his wife he's focused on something else. I think she may simply be trying to voice her frustrations without sounding rude or non-accepting. Whether or not I'm translating what you daughter in-law is trying to communicate I can't really say for sure but that's my best guess.

I have found that my marriage to my NT wife is more fulfilling for both of us if I dedicate a portion of the day to simply spend time with her doing something we can both participate in. On a normal day, I'll spend about an hour before bedtime watching streaming services with her. It doesn't have to happen every day and she understands that. There are some days she may want to be alone to and that's fine.
 
John M said:
I'm not perfect at translating NT-speech but my perception is that your daughter in-law may be trying to communicate that she'd like your son to focus a little more of his time on her. She may be afraid to say this directly if it could lead to sore feelings. Consider context, even when alone in bed with his wife he's focused on something else. I think she may simply be trying to voice her frustrations without sounding rude or non-accepting. Whether or not I'm translating what you daughter in-law is trying to communicate I can't really say for sure but that's my best guess.

I have found that my marriage to my NT wife is more fulfilling for both of us if I dedicate a portion of the day to simply spend time with her doing something we can both participate in. On a normal day, I'll spend about an hour before bedtime watching streaming services with her. It doesn't have to happen every day and she understands that. There are some days she may want to be alone to and that's fine.
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Perhaps adding to her already complaints - maybe trying to find a different route. She has no problem complaining to me - I've had to remind her a few times that he IS my son. lol
 
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