Chronic Loneliness

[furkandorum]

What do you think about the term "chronic loneliness"?

I want to talk, get close with to some people so badly (maybe not "some" people but definetly there is some one). But i just can't and i feel like i will never be able to; so, i guess i'll be lonely forever. You might think i'm exagerrating but i know myself. I'm a sad guy and there are walls that i can never jump over.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Is college a possibility for you? I had less friends than in grade school, actually, but found it easier to feel connected.

 

[Rodafina]

I think the term chronic loneliness could only be applied to one’s past, and not their future. It is fair enough to look back at a significant portion of one’s life and notice a pattern of loneliness, but it is not a static thing. Looking forward, toward the future, there are many many things to try to ameliorate loneliness. Just because you have been lonely does not mean you will always be lonely.

 

[Knower of nothing]

Becoming lonely the second you are alone, that's what I'd call chronic loneliness. It's something that having friends can't cure.
Have you ever wondered what you are looking for in other people?

 

[furkandorum]

Becoming lonely the second you are alone, that's what I'd call chronic loneliness. It's something that having friends can't cure.
Have you ever wondered what you are looking for in other people?

I really don't know, i have three close friends (they are my childhood friends). But even when i'm with them, i feel lonely.

 

[AprilR]

When i am with others, i feel hated and like a burden. I would rather be lonely than hated.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I think one of the hardest parts is the constant misunderstandings with non-Autistic people. Like, people who frequently think you mean the opposite of what you're saying. I don't know if anyone else experiences that.

 

[Knower of nothing]

I really don't know, i have three close friends (they are my childhood friends). But even when i'm with them, i feel lonely.

I don't know either for my case so I have no suggestions. Could be as simple as a hug though.

 

[Ed#]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, furkandorum. Loneliness can be so painful, especially if it is intense and unremitting. I'd just encourage you to not give up hope. There were times in my life when I thought I would never feel connected to anyone, but eventually I did. Hang in there.

Btw, if you have three close friends, you have more than most. Do you have any idea why you feel lonely in their presence?

 

[furkandorum]

Maybe you outgrew them?

yeah, i kinda feel that. some of their problems seems so childish to me. sometimes i feel like a boomer but i'm not sure if i'm enjoying it.

 

[furkandorum]

Btw, if you have three close friends, you have more than most. Do you have any idea why you feel lonely in their presence?

I'm not sure, but maybe it's because i know them for too long. maybe deep down inside i want to be close with someone new; but in the other hand, new people scares the hell out of me. i'm so shy around them, i don't know what they think about me; when they want to talk to me, i don't know what do they want from me. If it's someone i want to get close with, i even get flabbergasted when they say good morning, or hello. I can't eve adjust the tone of my voice and get even more embarrassed.

 

[Ed#]

I'm not sure, but maybe it's because i know them for too long. maybe deep down inside i want to be close with someone new; but in the other hand, new people scares the hell out of me. i'm so shy around them, i don't know what they think about me; when they want to talk to me, i don't know what do they want from me. If it's someone i want to get close with, i even get flabbergasted when they say good morning, or hello. I can't eve adjust the tone of my voice and get even more embarrassed.

I relate to the shyness bit. It's hard for me to talk with people I don't know well. I have a lot of those same thoughts/feelings. The anxiety makes it hard to think, speak, and act "right" (whatever that means, lol).

I'd just encourage you to hang on to the three close friends you have. I wish I had made more of an effort to hold on to the friends I did make. I'm not good at that. I have let so many friendships die on the vine. It's a lot harder to make a new friend than it is to retain an old one.

 

[furkandorum]

The anxiety makes it hard to think, speak, and act "right" (whatever that means, lol).

Once, someone from class whom i never talked with before sat next to for a small talk. Because of the anxiety, i started to shake my leg so badly that she told me to calm down. That was the worst thing she could do, ı felt even worst and couldn't maintain any small talk at all. I don't know why did i got that anxious though, it's not that bad usually. Maybe, it was about her voice tone or maybe the look on her eyes or something. It's possible that i wasn't able to read her and got scared.

 

[Ed#]

Once, someone from class whom i never talked with before sat next to for a small talk. Because of the anxiety, i started to shake my leg so badly that she told me to calm down. That was the worst thing she could do, ı felt even worst and couldn't maintain any small talk at all. I don't know why did i got that anxious though, it's not that bad usually. Maybe, it was about her voice tone or maybe the look on her eyes or something. It's possible that i wasn't able to read her and got scared.

Yeah, I can imagine that when she said that ("calm down"), you felt invalidated. I'm not sure what her tone of voice was, but it's easy for me to imagine it sounding condescending. Girls can be that way sometimes (mean, belittling) if a shy guy tries to talk with them.

I am no good at small talk, especially if I'm unprepared. I feel like I'm suddenly under pressure to talk about things I don't care about.