Depression is such a deeply crippling thing to deal with, and chronic depression is often even more so. I also have struggled with chronic depression for the majority of my life. It can be so very difficult to relate because it often feels so uniquely personal in regard to the things that may or may not be contributing to it happening. Sometimes, you might objectively have a ton of great things going, and still feel absolutely low despite it.
When people tell you "it'll get better!", it's not that they are wrong. It might and to some degree day by day will in certain periods. The problem that they never answer is that it will get worse again. In my experience, this is the big divide that they simply can't approach to console you very well with. When I say I'm depressed, people will assume it's something that will pass, if they could just cheer me up! The sentiment is sweet, but they rarely understand that I'm referring to the journey of my life and not this one particular downswing. It ends up making feel even less understood and further isolated.
That's the crux of it, it will get better at times, and it will be absolutely crushing at times. Finding a way to cope and deal with it in a way that leads you to becoming progressively better overall is the hard part. As I type this out, I've once again fallen back into drinking to cope with the days passing by. I spent the last 10 or so years chain-smoking and drinking in an attempt to medicate or pass through my periods of self-isolation, anxiety, perceived and/or realistic inadaquacies, frustration... you name it.
I feel almost as if I'm an outside observer to a society I'll never properly fit into and the future awaiting me has a high probability of bringing even more pain and dire straights. Every time I get a an upswell of conviction, responsibility, and production I get calmer and happier and more able to deal with depressive thoughts. However, it always crashes down and kills my resolve each time I fail in new and reinvigorated philosophies.
Life is a series of choices. Our brains are what complicate matters into feeling as though there is no hope. Really the choice is simple. Get better, stagnate, or give up. Easy enough to state. What do I mean?
If we choose to give up, the conclusion is set. We've taken the responsibility out of our hands for our own possible happiness. This feels the easiest to choose when we are depressed. And it is. It's literally the easiest choice to make. It's the hardest to live with. Obivously the probability of coming out of this with more hope and happiness is drastically low.
It's often stated when depressed... "I don't care..." The problem is you are lying to yourself. You obviously do care... Or else this utter pain and the oppression of existence wouldn't be weighting us down.
The problem rather might be that we care TOO much, and the fatigue has gotten us to the point that we wish we didn't. That we could acquiesce into our comforting desire of giving up the burden of feeling and by stating we don't care we're yearning for it.
The second choice, stagnation, I find often leads into a period of depression. When I feel like I'm not producing, when I'm binging on Netflix and the days pass and I get older... when I gain no new experiences or skills... I just ... am. It leads me to apathy and allows my depression to fester and materialize into a stronger beast than my desire for acceptance of being... Obviously, this happens to ALL of us in life. Realistically, we can't be consistently always growing at a continual and unwavering rate... Still, these are middle periods which can lead to either path...
Finally, getting better. It won't stop you from depression. It won't cure it. What it can mean is finding strategies and "growing" which gives you the tools to find what's meaningful. I leave this purposely vague, as we are all different in our hopes and dreams and wants and needs. The point being that progression of ability, or self-analysis, or new experiences is the best way to combat what you know is eventual. Depression is a constant, but newness is dependent on our ability to find it. And it might be anything, as long as it's meaningful.
Why am I rambling? Well for one, I'm rarely coherent, my mind runs too fast and randomly. Especially through text. But I just want to state that you aren't alone in the feeling, even if our circumstances are different. I'm drinking another 6 pack for the 3rd day in a row. However, just half a year ago I lost 40 lbs, got in the best shape of my life, changed my diet permanently, and had almost eliminated drinking. I had plans to quit smoking. However, my routine was disrupted by multiple events and it all fell apart. Now I'm very close to giving up completely into alcoholism and depression.
There's still a light in front of me though, because I have a choice. Even though apathy and suicidal thoughts abound, I believe I can beat them in the end. Because giving up is a guarantee of continual grief and regression.
I hope some of this rambling can give you some introspection into your position and it isn't completely off base of what you might have been looking for. Depression is a journey where the oppression of life has you put into a disadvantage. But you can still win. You just have to keep trying.
