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I really feel for you. Much of your feelings, what you loved to do, but is now disrupted parallels my early life. I loved to be alone with my friends out in the back yard, back fields and my favorite place - an abandoned gravel quarry. It still amazes and disappoints me how it seems that everyone discounts other species as just "dumb animals". They are not dumb they are real people. They have feelings just as powerful as any human. Most humans are just too blind to see that.I miss Cherokee.
I miss Socks.
I miss walking the fence or even getting to take a walk outside at all.
My Mama and I don't have a pasture to go to now as well as losing both horses.
If my Dad is home I can't hardly take the dogs out without him standing at the door watching or something. Going to the pasture used to give us a break from that.
I don't feel free to go walking or do photography in the yard or anything.
I feel like I am being more and more restricted and it is all being put off as me choosing to not do anything because of autism routines and such when I am actually feeling quite stir crazy.
My horse being dead doesn't make me suddenly love football and such. I never liked it before I had worked a job, saved up my money, and bought Cherokee either. Why would her death make me a sudden carbon copy of him when I wasn't before? I had more freedom as a child than I do now. I could play in the backyard as long as I didn't take off somewhere else. I could play pretend or swing on my rope swing or observe behaviorial patterns of insects or smell flowers. It's gotten such that if my Mama or I get caught enjoying a flower, it very likely it broken off.
I felt so alive going out in rain, sleet or snow to care for Cherokee.
So sorry you are going through all of this. Holding you in the light.@Ken We can't move. It seems like we are more and more restricted as time goes by and it's so hard just to keep an eye out for our own safety and the safety of our indoor pets. The horses were never with us. We had to rent pastures and we kept having to move from pasture to pasture because the problems of our horses being bothered would always follow us after a short repreive. We couldn't get them moved this time and things escalated and my horse was murdered. Now we don't have horses. We wanted to get away and take all our pets with us to a home safe together. We almost had enough saved, but then lost our jobs giving Daddy more control and our savings got used for necessities and such.