Can't Connect to People

[Shamar]

One of the things I realized is that if you are true to yourself and you say anything that is "wrong" that person wasn't going to be a good match for you anyway. It helps to do less talking and let them drive the conversation.

What I meant was that I will say something that comes out the opposite of what I intended. When I go up and try to introduce myself, it tends to come out something like "habahabahabahaba." That's assuming. of course, that I can force myself close enough to say it. It is my understanding that this is a particularly ineffective pickup line.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

like "habahabahabahaba." That's assuming. of course, that I can force myself close enough to say it. It is my understanding that this is a particularly ineffective pickup line

You'd think it would work well after all those cartoons that used it.

 

[Tellesu]

What I meant was that I will say something that comes out the opposite of what I intended. When I go up and try to introduce myself, it tends to come out something like "habahabahabahaba." That's assuming. of course, that I can force myself close enough to say it. It is my understanding that this is a particularly ineffective pickup line.

Ahh, yeah, that's a rough one. Can you sing, beatbox, or rap? Different neural pathways control music than speech. Maybe you can repurpose them and make a lasting impression on people in the process?

 

[unreality]

I have the exact same thoughts on a daily basis, but don't know why except for my own theories/ideas, which I'll leave to myself for fear of appearing too weird.

 

[Shamar]

Ahh, yeah, that's a rough one. Can you sing, beatbox, or rap? Different neural pathways control music than speech. Maybe you can repurpose them and make a lasting impression on people in the process?

The problem is, any sort of human interaction is a confusing blank in my brain. I rely on what might be described as academic rules, which may or may not apply in any given situation. In addition, the part of my brain the deals with human connections and bonding seems to be missing. In other words, I am unable to feel love, and have never had a friend (as I understand the concept). This does not reduce the desire or need for love, friendship, or human contact. As you might imagine, it gets pretty lonely.

 

[Tellesu]

The problem is, any sort of human interaction is a confusing blank in my brain. I rely on what might be described as academic rules, which may or may not apply in any given situation. In addition, the part of my brain the deals with human connections and bonding seems to be missing. In other words, I am unable to feel love, and have never had a friend (as I understand the concept). This does not reduce the desire or need for love, friendship, or human contact. As you might imagine, it gets pretty lonely.

Yeah it sounds like the neural pathways that control that are shut down pretty hard for you. But you can run some level of simulation based on programming. You're obviously capable of communicating via text so the situation is not entirely without hope. I know it is rough suffering from the loneliness and isolation this creates. When I was much younger I was very similar and I started learning to interact online via text chat, then eventually took what I learned there and built enough basic social programming to start experimenting in meatspace. Neuroplasticity is powerful, even if your network is wired differently there are many roads to the same destination. You might be interested in the book "Switched On" by John Elder Robison. It details how he was part of an experiment that activated those neural pathways using TMS (magnetic brain stimulation).

 

[Tellesu]

I have the exact same thoughts on a daily basis, but don't know why except for my own theories/ideas, which I'll leave to myself for fear of appearing too weird.

On this forum I don't think "too weird" is a thing.

 

[Shamar]

Yeah it sounds like the neural pathways that control that are shut down pretty hard for you. But you can run some level of simulation based on programming. You're obviously capable of communicating via text so the situation is not entirely without hope. I know it is rough suffering from the loneliness and isolation this creates. When I was much younger I was very similar and I started learning to interact online via text chat, then eventually took what I learned there and built enough basic social programming to start experimenting in meatspace. Neuroplasticity is powerful, even if your network is wired differently there are many roads to the same destination. You might be interested in the book "Switched On" by John Elder Robison. It details how he was part of an experiment that activated those neural pathways using TMS (magnetic brain stimulation).

Thank you for your kind suggestions and attempts to help over the last few days. It was uplifting. I will look into the Robison book. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed six years ago. That doesn't seem like much of a problem until you learn I am now 66. I resigned myself to being lonely many years ago in college.

Even if I were to suddenly and miraculously gain the ability to be a social creature tomorrow, would it be worth it? I would be starting out as a social toddler. How long would it take to become a social adult? It would take a lot of intense therapy, and I don't get any therapy now for just dealing with the daily problems of autism. Its a nice fantasy; I indulge regularly.

I like your term "meatspace" as a description of real life as opposed to online life.

 

[Tellesu]

Thank you for your kind suggestions and attempts to help over the last few days. It was uplifting. I will look into the Robison book. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed six years ago. That doesn't seem like much of a problem until you learn I am now 66. I resigned myself to being lonely many years ago in college.

Even if I were to suddenly and miraculously gain the ability to be a social creature tomorrow, would it be worth it? I would be starting out as a social toddler. How long would it take to become a social adult? It would take a lot of intense therapy, and I don't get any therapy now for just dealing with the daily problems of autism. Its a nice fantasy; I indulge regularly.

I like your term "meatspace" as a description of real life as opposed to online life.

I think that book will be even more relevant to you, he underwent the therapy in his 50s. It's never too late to start having new life experiences. I'm in my 40s and I feel like I'm still just starting to figure any of this out.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I was wondering if anyone else has a problem truly connecting to people. I don't feel like I have a connection with my own parents in a matter of fact. It's like I'm another species. To further explain, think of a dog and a human. Although a dog can understand what the human is saying, the connection between them isn't the same as a connection between two humans. Is there some article or explanation for this?

I feel the same way. I feel distant from even my family because of my sensitive hearing and the lack of understanding.

 

[hiraeth]

Yes, I am totally capable of experiencing connectedness but when I connect with other humans it seems to not be the same way that other humans describe it. Like an inter-species / life-form connection is actually the best way to put it.

I don't like to think of it as "less" deep or whatever. It's just different. We can offer each other unique perspectives. I've been expressing my way of being more openly and casually since I started to really own this fact.

 

[ftfipps]

Sometimes I wonder, how did that person know what to say to that guy to make him leave him alone? I often wonder, how did that guy have the same thought that other person had? I have never in my life besides a few times, known without a shadow of a doubt, what another person was thinking. Or the main one I run into all the time, why did this person tear up, as in start weeping during a common occurrence? I would never start crying during that specific event in a million years. Our brains are just different. It's not a bad thing, but It's not easy.