Can we regress?

[Iamnotarabot]

I am tired and sleep more since i am askin myself about asd...

I have a lots of memories since this week..

But tonight it went on a whole other level, i wokeup without alarm at 4 am , over exicted...i think i did something by compulsion...then all morning i had physical sensation that i had as a kid, leg numbness , feeling that some of my bones or maybe muscles are overstretch or that some current is passing throught me, cant go fast without headache, i even repeated one sentence i said in silence just like when i was a kid? Wtf...

 

[Forgotten Aspie]

It's been 40 day since I found my ASD "KEY".. and within 24 hours of that moment I went into an involuntary psychological state of... change... or reassessment... I'm not sure what to call it still. But it was an intense period of reflection... a time of realization of what ALLLLLLLLL these experiences were in my life... from my earliest memories to the present.. This one simple explanation.. being neurodiverse, was a catalyst that started an understanding, a unification of all these seemingly unconnected events.. as well as the general overshadowing feeling that something was off.. or something was wrong with me.. or be being "here"... not understanding who I was, my purpose, what this experience of life was all about... THAT is one heck of a lot to undertake.. and I physically have shown the signs of the stress. My adrenaline levels were so high it sent my heart into A-fibs with a heart rate that stayed between 100 -150 BPM for about 3 weeks strait. I'm finally stabilizing again but I can tell my adrenaline level is still raised.

I too have gone through some amazing "journeys" into my past. Due too other circumstances at the time, I believe that my life became more about fitting in and acting "right" than the development of my actual emotional / psychological self. I think to really "heal" from this pseudo-self life I've lived, I will need to get in touch with who I am today, and I believe that will connect to who I really was. That sounds strange, and is not like there is some little part of my brain where a 4 year old lives.. I believe it has all been here in the present with me.. but I have ignored or avoided knowing that part of myself.. but I do believe that I will have to pick up where some states of development were derailed.

 

[Chance]

I think it just happens... I often think like you are thinking right now sometimes...

Lots of little things sort of sneak up, gang up, and scare the crap out of me and I start worrying... but it always passes and it does the same thing the next time sometime down the road when I least expect it...

I have done the same thing you are doing right now... I will get on here worried and scared and find out its all going to be okay...

I have been awake since 2:40 am... I am 2 hours off my normal time zone (I'm not at home) and my internal clock is all messed up, lots of things are messed up. I have been battling head rush all week, but it settles down once I realize what is going on.

I hope you get to feeling all back to normal in a little bit... : )

We are basically different than 99% of the world so... Regress I have no idea...
Maybe we (ME very much included) shouldn't worry about getting worse, and just realize this is US, this is what we do, and in there somewhere is something weird but also just a little special...

I think we notice stuff other "normal" people never even sense and in that we react, and respond so differently that we even upset ourselves, maybe never even intending to do so...

 

[OkRad]

Yes, but I think that is normal. NTs have this , too. "Midlife Crisis" etc. In fact, middle aged Americans are killing themselves in unprecedented numbers from despair.

I think we are all in a time which will be looked back on as "OMGosh, how did they make it?!" Maybe even a dark age. The disparities are widening and despair is growing for many people, not just ASDs.

We have to all just keep starting over. Not fearing being at the bottom AGAIN. It's scary down here. You can die down here from lack of care and lack of resources, that's true. But then there's a good day and that one good day is like 1,000 Prozacs.

BECAUSE we are super-sensitive, we can squeeze WAY MORE out of a good day than an NT. We can wring the last, tiny drops out of the sheer joy of a sunset or a good interaction with someone.

So, yes, we may regress, but I would wager we have better skills at looking over the entire situation and using our sensitive souls to find strength which NTs might bypass.

So if I had to sum this up:::::

Regression is not so bad if it's followed by progression!

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Thanks a lot folks; i couldnt answer quick because i was at work and then i slept when i came back home.

I read your response just couldnt replie in time !
You just explain it perfectly forgotten aspie! thats amazing realy !

The day wasnt this bad, weirdly , i was slower but in the end i finished earlier, i stayed far from the noise as much as possible, managed to do my litte work on a good pace, at the end of the day before leaving i had trouble seeing things correctly, but i did a visual exercice and it was ok after...

I just needed to understand that i was too tired to be fast...i mean, It doesnt explain why i woke up at 4 am like i did tought...but; i think i will have those ups and downs for a while...and maybe for ever, just need to accept it.


Okrad , you think NT dont find the "city at night" mesmerizing? It reminds me of an old memory of a summer camp, sunset at the beach i litteraly let the others go on without me, i couldnt stop looking at this, even another memory i had we were like hiking at the stromboli, at some point we were litteraly surrounded bly clouds, this was amazing!