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Can anyone help me with my problems at work

I was a trade union case officer for many years dealing with all sorts of disciplinary, grievance and employment law issues. If I can help with any advice, I'll be happy to.

It does need you to post information on the situation of course, and I realise that you may really not want to do that in a public place like this. If you're ok with it, post details in the thread, but if not, by all means PM me in private - and I won't take it personally if you want to ask about my level of experience first before giving me details of your case.
If you have a grievance with your Manager, go up the "food chain" and report them to his/her Manager.

That's what I'd do anyway.
I suggest you go to a higher up. May be better to go to someone at your company to get a resolution here, good luck.
I have Asperger's and ADHD and I work in a funeral directors.
Everything was going fine until my friend colleague I work with asked me to cover his on call shift in December.
In November I was made aware that I was not allowed to cover the on call because it had to be offered with someone with a higher contract.

I asked my manager to explain to me why I could not do the on-call.

Her first reason was I couldn't do it because of my job role, which is driver bearer.
I explained to her my job title is irrelevant because I do not do the job that I'm employed to do. I was given that job title because I do not drive and that is why I do not have the title as a funeral service operative.

Her next raising was I couldn't do it because I don't drive.
I explained it was a car with only one steering wheel so only one person could drive and my friend and colleague was more than happy to do it.

Her third reason why I couldn't do it was I wouldn't know what to do if my colleague were to take a heart attack or something like that.
I explain myself and said if it seemed to be serious I would call 999 and then inform the on-call funeral director.

Then she said there is 3 funeral service operatives, so I will not be needed for on call. That was fine. Then she proceeded to say to me: "Do you think we need to bring your support worker back in?"
I asked her to explain herself again, but she deviated off what she had asked me and we talked about things that I do in work and what I do in my personal life but all totally irrelevant.

I went and saw a friend and explained everything to her and how I was feeling as this head hurt me greatly and had struck a nerve. I didn't feel comfortable speaking with this woman again as we didn't have a good relationship to begin with.

I decided to send my manager a letter. I sent a copy of the letter to my union rep, the regional manager, her boss and the head of HR to make it quite clear she wouldn't be messing me around.

The woman from HR emailed me back and said a regional manager would be in touch with me. I was happy with myself.
Me and my union rep met the regional manager on the 20th of December. I relate to him my side of the story and that was it.

In January my colleague said I wasn't allowed to do any more house removals. I went and confronted a gentleman who had told him this information. He said the manager had told him and that was it and he did not question her.

I became infuriated as I have been doing this for the past 6 years. I made a phone call to the regional manager and asked him what is going on.
He phoned my manager to see what's going on. Moments later he called me back and asked me to do what I have been asked to do.
I said no this is unreal no one is explaining anything to me.
Then he said I can't tell you on the phone I will see you next week. Then he asked was I any happier.
I said no.
He said to me there will be a letter in the post as for you.
After I spoke to him on the phone I called my union to keep her loop. I was still waiting for this letter in the post.

When I met the regional manager again he said that he had found that my job role has not been fully clarified to me resulting in confusion as to what is required in my day to day duties.
I have also fully investigated managers comment regarding getting a support worker involved.
These comments were never intended to hurt or cause just stress but were made purely in a supportive manner after she had taken the advice from HR having not worked with me previously.
The manager was distressed on hearing these comments and how they have been misinterpreted, but understood why. He said he was partly up holding my grievance because she didn't make the comment.

I have no problems if someone thinks I need support. But you do not bring it up while you have your back turned to someone. That conversation is very delicate and should not be just thrown off the cuff.

The mentor job paper he gave me afterwards did not represent me and what I was capable of doing, so I asked this regional manager where did this amended job role come from as this is the first I have ever seen this.
It turned out that they probably just used a job role of another employee and put my name on it.

It was him who made the decision on suspension from certain duties. He had asked my manager to tell me, but it must have been a breakdown of communication.
Then I asked him you say it in your letter to me you fully investigated my grievance. Can I ask did you take the time to look up my condition?
He said no I don't think that's important.
I said to him I think completely different from a neurotypical person. Everything that I experience in life is heightened by 10 times and you feel it isn't important.
His resolution for this problem was mediation between me and my manager and I said that would be fine as long as I get a letter of apology from her. I will do mediation.
I came home from this meeting angry at him and the company I work for.

The regional manager brought me an apology letter and another amended job bro that he remained to satisfy me with what I could do not work.

So the 31st of January I went for mediation.
The regional manager explained mediation to me and I said that's fine but I am not here to talk about rosy red apples and pretend nothing happened, so I asked my manager could you please explain yourself as I have not spoken to you since the 6th of December.
Everything she said to me on this day about that discussion we had was what was said after she made up comment to me about my personal life and things like that totally irrelevant.
I asked one simple question directed towards my manager: „What is your understanding of autism?“
This resulted in the regional manager standing up and saying „I am terminating this mediation. That question is unfair and unnecessary. Your grievance has been dealt with and you shouldn't be going over the past.“
I said to him thank you very much for curing my condition. I appreciate that greatly.
My line manager said to me: „If you want I can take your questions and go and answer them and bring them back to you.“
I said no thank you, and she left the room, so I and my colleague were left in the room with this regional manager.
He said to me: „You can't ask questions like that. We are not doctors and we do not need to know about your condition. This company employs thousand people. This is a personal issue and we are not here to take in everyone's problems.“

I came home even more infuriated than the second time we had met, so I went and spoke with my friend. My friend contacted the national Autistic Society for me and explained the situation to the lady on the telephone.

I met with this regional manager on the 27th of February.
I was accused by another manager of recording conversations, which was not a great way to start any meeting.
I told him that is nothing more than verbal diarrhoea and do you think I'm some sort of idiot. My brain is more than capable of holding information; I don't need some sort of machine to do my work.
He apologized and just said there was an allegation made to me.
Then the regional manager asked me where was my union rep and why was I alone.
I explained to him that she did not understand me, so I decided to ditch her as she was useless.
I asked him if he had looked at my condition yet.
He said no it is not important and he did not have to as it would be the same if someone worked here who had diabetes. He would not need to know anything about it that is up to the individual.
I said to him you're wrong.
I realised that I felt my role within my work has been diminished by him as he has put restraints on what I can and cannot do.
I explained to him about my job title driver bearer and what I did do today within work and that I felt it was not right that I was being paid the rate of a driver but I do the work of a funeral service operative apart from driving and then we talked about working practices and things like that.

After that meeting again I came home pissed off.

I emailed him again attaching a letter up points in how he let me down and explain to him I was going to put a grievance against him as I felt I wasn't getting anywhere with him because he won't try to understand me.

Then we met on the 15th of March.
He said that he got in touch with a charity and spoke with a woman about autism. She enlightened him of some things.
I felt that work hadn't been doing its best for me, so I had decided to get in contact with the national Autistic Society and they have put me in touch with disability action.
He freaked out a little bit and said to me I needed to keep this in house first and what about occupational health.
I told him I wasn't too keen on the idea but I would think about it and explain to him I felt I was not the issue that those around me sense taking a grievance against my line manager. It has been made clear to me that no one here understands me and wants to understand me.

At the start I was hesitant and not go through with his idea but after a friend who also has Asperger's explained to me he was worried about occupational health but benefited him greatly I decided to go along with his idea.
But when we met he then decided it wasn't a good idea and his suggestion to me was I should have an autism awareness night at home for my colleagues. I explained to him that this is not my problem. He's the employer, so this is his problem.
So then we met again and the regional manager handed me over to a new HR woman and explained to me that she will be dealing with me from now on as his part is done.
So now HR woman is looking after me and she explained to me that her son is autistic. This sounded great to me, someone with an understanding, but somehow I don't think so now. She would get in touch with a few places to see what she can do to help me.

So last week a new problem has been created as a manager asked me to leave the office and told me I could not eat in the office.
I went and confronted this manager and explain to him because he is my friend how he made me feel and what the issue was and why I was so upset.
I find it difficult to eat with people around me. I have been working here for just over 6 years now and only the past two years I have started feeling comfortable to eat with the help of a friend and colleague whose wife would make me a packed lunch.
The canteen where everyone eats can be quite loud sometimes and if there is too many people there I cannot eat or I will eat very very slowly. When eating in the canteen can be too much for me I will go and sit in the front office because the office staff look after me and the office would be my security blanket where I feel safe at work. But now this has been thrown out and I don't know what to do or where to eat.
So the manager's resolution was I can go and eat in a different canteen or it in the managers canteen. I explained to him the other canteen wouldn't suit as it is far too small and eating in the manager's canteen would leave me isolated from everyone.

After my lunch I spoke with this HR woman about any updates.
She started talking about a video that I wanted to show her. She thought it would be a good idea to show my colleagues this video, but it was stupid and it was from a child's perspective. I explained to her I felt I need someone to come in and give a talk about this. A video wouldn't cut the mustard from me.
I explained to her about my new problem with my eating difficulties.
She explained I could not eat there because of this new data protection thing and then she went on that I will not be allowed to eat in the office as that is a place of work.
I explained to her that I had colleagues that looked out for me and work and help me and made sure I had food and I'm feeling ok.

So that's the end of my story maybe not explained the best but the way I've been left feeling is isolated and devalued as a person.

Since raising a grievance in November it has been highlighted to me but no one actually cared about me, so all I want is for management especially and my colleagues to have an understanding of me because I do find a lot of things difficult and it's not nice for me when someone gets frustrated. Sometimes I don't understand and I'm not happy that I get paid less than my other colleagues and I'm having difficulties with this manager who keeps singling me out.
Now where I'm having my lunch when I go to work now I feel alone and I don't like it.
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