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Burnt out and ready to come clean!

Angular Chap

Angular Chap

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Greetings from Scotland!

So I started looking into what was "wrong" with me many, many years ago around 2010. Something's not right here. Agoraphobia? Nah. Social anxiety? hmmmm...maybe a little? Then I stumbled upon this term....Asperger's Syndrome....Yes, that does sound like me alright. I took the Aspie quiz, got a high score. (Side note- the results are on an old had drive, if I can find it I'll post it and take the quiz again and post the results, 10 years apart. Could maybe be interesting.) Then I just sort of...forgot all about it. I didn't think that looking up medical things on the internet was a particularly great idea. I left my job in retail. Sunk into learning new skills. Partaking in hobbies I didn't have time for before. Working towards self employment. Things were fine, great even.

Fast forward a great many years, I was watching a Youtube stream of an engineer I'm a fan of and someone in the chat mentioned something about Autism. The Youtuber replied "Yep, we're all Autistic here, a lot of us technical folk!" Ever since then this word has been going round and round inside my head, Autism...Autism...Autistic...? So I pretty much just accepted, yes I'm probably on the spectrum.

But the past year or so, another phrase has been going around inside my head. "Worn out...Worn out...Wow, I'm worn out...I'll just have to tell people I'm worn out..."

So after a bit more research into Autism again, I've decided this is probably Autistic burnout from all the years and years of masking, and pretending to be fine when I'm not. And the burnout won't go away by itself.

I've decided that it's probably for the best that I come clean, just to close family members, that I'm probably Autistic. Maybe work towards easing the burnout and getting an official diagnosis. They already know I'm hugely technical, they already know I'm a recluse and have many other Autism related traits. A few suspect that something is "wrong" with me. I've tried to approach the subject of anxiety and other issues before, but I didn't really get anywhere meaningful. Being Autistic feels more accurate, a more complete picture. I think it's time to try again. I plan to approach the subject soon, around Christmas or New Year.

Thanks for reading, see you around the forums.
 
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Welcome. I hope the knowledge helps you negotiate life. I was diagnosed at 60 because growing up autism was rarely diagnosed and with academic and intellectual success people thought me normal. My social isolation was never questioned nor help offered and I was cursed with normal social and interpersonal desires with no way to meet them.
 
Hello from England! :)

I was diagnosed at 55...better late than me obsessing, not sleeping, watching bad American 1980s sitcoms until wee hours of the morning, raiding the fridge, then saying, "Well...I'm already up, why not make coffee and obsess some more on what I can't seem to figure out.". What were we talking about? Oh yeah. This is a great place to learn and understand more about yourself through other people's experiences and have others respond to your experiences. Though I don't seek a physical social interaction due to social anxiety, this forum allows me to be comfortable in doing so.
 
Storm Hess said:
Hello from England! :)

I was diagnosed at 55...better late than me obsessing, not sleeping, watching bad American 1980s sitcoms until wee hours of the morning, raiding the fridge, then saying, "Well...I'm already up, why not make coffee and obsess some more on what I can't seem to figure out.". What were we talking about? Oh yeah. This is a great place to learn and understand more about yourself through other people's experiences and have others respond to your experiences. Though I don't seek a physical social interaction due to social anxiety, this forum allows me to be comfortable in doing so.
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Very good with forum social interaction. When I wanted to learn the social my local Sierra Club chapter helped a lot. One was judged more on contributions and skills. That gave me room to then be interactive.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
Very good with forum social interaction. When I wanted to learn the social my local Sierra Club chapter helped a lot. One was judged more on contributions and skills. That gave me room to then be interactive.
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Excellent to know, thanks for sharing that!
 
Welcome and good luck Angular Chap :). I hope you find the answers and support you're looking for. It seems few non-Autistic people understand our burnout, but there are good, sympathetic people here. It sounds like you're taking the right steps.
 
Hi people.
This is an interesting thread. I've been intermittently enjoying writing lots recently although also intermittently feeling I guess versions of physical and psychological 'burn out' warning signs rising within me. Like some of you maybe, I suffer from manic depression as well as autism.

However I don't know about you guys but simple cliches such as 'music is a great medicine' often work for me. Emo is a much denounced genre, however even a small dose of the sonic stuff often does the trick for me! It doesn't completely cure my burn out feelings which compete inside me against my desire to write and pleasure in writing, however it usually does partially.

Some of you may really not find emo to your tastes (?!), let alone my two favourite emo records, Jimmy Eat World's album *Clarity*, and Funeral for a friend's song *Hospitality*, however, frankly, sometimes you can't beat the classics! I think it's the 'classic emo' aspects to albums and songs like those that's why they speak to me, and heal me, so much from start to finish!

Anyway, good luck to everyone else struggling with demons and consequences of past oppression. I've only been on here two days but I already feel like I'm at the start of a process which enables you to become an established member of this great, generous community.


Speak soon.

Comradely,



Ben
 
Welcome to the group.
It's been an immensely helpful experience for me to be here.
So much to read, learn and associate with.
I wasn't diagnosed until my 50's. So much just came together. :)
 
Welcome.

I knew from about age 5 that I was "abnormal", everyone else in society made that quite plain to me. But we hadn't heard of things like autism back then. I started to figure out that it was probably autism when I was in my 20s but I didn't get a diagnosis until I was 55.

I didn't really know much about it until I went for a diagnosis, and I've learnt so much more from coming here.
 
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