Brooding or ?Sorting It Out?

[Sportster]

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[Arashi222]

You are not alone. A lot of us here including myself tend to as you called it brood. I often don't process an event in what most people consider a normal time frame to react to something. Often it builds up too because you are trying to process. Yup ended up with two ex-friends because they couldn't understand that why I wouldn't be angry for like two weeks about something that happened the week before or something. I tend to take a lot of time to figure out what is bothering me about something. Hence now I tell people right away about my AS because these two ex-friends of mine made me realize that while its no one's business but mine and families that I have AS people don't understand. They think you are controlling and manipulative because as someone with AS we really don't understand someone else's behavior and it takes a lot longer to realize something is bothering us enough to say something sometimes.

 

[Soup]

You can add my name to the list of sort it out-ers. The only difference is that I don't get angry or elated or anything else later as my emotional responses tend to be dulled to absent: I just end up working through things in my mind. I've been told that this is something more typical of guys & that women tend to respond in the moment with some sort of outburst be it anger, tears, laughter or what have you. I just see it as how some brains work.

I tend to think of broody people as those who sit around in a glum state focused on how they were wronged & how unfairly they've been treated etc. Little, if any, sorting out gets accomplished. this is a lot like a child who didn't get his way, stomping into a corner, crossing his arms, pouting & doing little else besides putting on a show.

 

[King_Oni]

Oh, add me to that list as well. I think Arashi summed it up well. I just need a longer time frame. Though I'm inclined to say that I can take months to process it not weeks. And actually, there's things from years ago I'm still processing. Guess I'm that slow with my processing.

I do notice however that written information is easier for me to work with.

It doesn't neccesarily need to be something bad that happened. But just in general if I have to take action I just need to assess and re-assess the period over longer timestretch. I remember taking 2 months to get back to my therapist to give her an answer. I just need that amount of time to figure stuff out. My mind can easily come up with the basics, but if anything I've learned that rash decisions with me are bad decisions so I'll need an extensive period of outweighing stuff. And to most people that is way to extensive.

I always feel like when I speak or write that I need to select my words really, really careful. Especially in formal situation where it seems every word can and will be used against you.

But similarly and on a somewhat related note; I take my time with everything, not just anything bad. Even with any of my hobbies I plot everything out mentally, somtimes on paper and finally get to it. That to some people looks like I'm not doing anything for a while and just slacking off. Guess that's the same as sorting stuff out over a longer than usual period. It's not that I'm slacking off... I just need more time to process this.

 

[Arashi222]

Oh yeah, I know what you mean. Frankly, I prefer to communicate via e-mail or snail-mail. If I have to engage in conversation, I formulate scripts and imagine scenarios in my mind before I do it. Even with my closest friends, I find myself doing scripts. Often times I wonder if I actually have a personality or if I make it up for each situation.

You know I do that too. I write up phone scripts and role play them with myself to try to make sure that I don't come off as stupid. I often engage in conversations like. I think it helps sometimes. You prepare yourself for that kind of thing.

 

[Bay]

It takes me awhile to process things too, but since I mostly keep to myself there isn't often fallout from it. And I use scripts all day long, especially at work. A necessary evil, I guess. It's exhausting though.

 

[King_Oni]

Oh yeah, I know what you mean. Frankly, I prefer to communicate via e-mail or snail-mail. If I have to engage in conversation, I formulate scripts and imagine scenarios in my mind before I do it. Even with my closest friends, I find myself doing scripts. Often times I wonder if I actually have a personality or if I make it up for each situation.

Yeah, the preparation for actual conversation and turning it into a script of sorts is what I do... and still I need to write it down or I'll forget it. That being said; if people end up in charge of the conversation I can't steer it through my scripts. Luckily that doesn't happen that often since I've got enough presence (my voice as well as physically) to keep in charge and steer it "my way".

 

[King_Oni]

Doing a mental re-run of the convo? Not so much... unless it was a really annoying conversation. But I think that's something else with me.

I did notice that with rehearsing conversations, it can and will get on your bad side sometimes. And over time more and more. It's probably the experience I have with certain parties. Some parties are outright negative, and honestly, I don't want to have that part brooding in me like that. Social services for instance can get blunt, ignorant and outright negative and rehearsing scripts with them often means that I have to put myself down while talking to myself. And honestly I don't think that's healthy (well, it's not good for someones self-esteem for them to do it in the first place, but they do) to talk yourself into a gloomy state

 

[Cerulean]

On the other side of the coin, but does anyone repeatedly run an interaction over and over in their head afterward? For example, after I leave my friends’ house, I will run the entire time over in my head wondering if I said or did something “more unusual than normal.”

Oh god yes. I'm the worst with this. I'm still replaying one interaction from an outing two days ago and can't seem to move past how stupid I feel about it. It will bother me until I see that person again and am reassured by his behavior that I'm OK.

 

[Arashi222]

Oh yah. I replay convos all the time. Like what happened yesterday at work with accommodations thing I keep replaying it over and over and I wonder what would have happened if I had been more prepared other than the five minutes my supervisor gave me to say oh by the way this is happening. So I get that. I still replay what happened with me and my ex-friends. I feel like I try to figure out where it went sour or wrong or not right or whatever.