Boyfriend suddenly ignored me: Aspergers, Sociopath, or Just using me?

[Fino]

And for everyone who has commented, "I would need time to process that much change," would you have initiated that much change in the first place and then suddenly needed to process it? If so, then okay! But it seems to me like anyone who needs time to process change wouldn't have participated in it.

Unless he's Bipolar or something along those lines and made all those decisions manic and is no longer manic.

 

[BraidedPony]

I can imagine one pleasant thing leading to another, then another then all of a sudden I’m in over my head.
Relationships are weird, it’s hard to think straight. That is my experience anyway. In hindsight it doesn’t make sense, but in the swirl of a new relationship it can happen.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

I'm not saying it is the case for you, but maybe the guy is just a whacko asshole! Apparently those exist! I really hope that's not what's happening though. Good luck!

This. Although you moved a bit fast (Puppy was way too much), he seems more like a whacko asshole then anything else. At this point there is only one thing to do: Save the puppy!

Oh yea and get your stuff back. You know where he lives, just show up and say that you are here for your stuff. Do not in any way attempt to get back in his life (why would you want to?) as that crosses into psycho ex category.

Save the puppy! Think of the puppy!

Seriously never buy a puppy with someone. Buy your own puppy. This stuff happens so freaking often. I spoke to a lawyer once that specializes in pet custody after broken relationships hahaha. It's so bad there's lawyers that specialize in this stuff.

Is there any way you misunderstood and he wanted a dog anyway for himself? Ugh... It bothers me anyhoot to just go out and buy a puppy like it's a frigging lampshade.

 

[Koeks]

So many possibilities. Some may be Aspie-ness, some may not be.

He may have just decided not to be with you. Maybe he had his fill. Maybe be went back to his ex. Maybe when you came and he saw you in person, he did not like something about you and feels bad. Maybe he liked your personality, but not something about your looks and is ashamed to admit that. Maybe one of his kids does not like something about you. If he was able to fall for you so quickly, maybe he has fallen for someone else just as quickly and know you are the old gf.

It may be something simple, like just not liking something about you or not wanting to settle down or wanting to date more people. It may not be a broad, complicated Aspie-ness thing.

Or it may be terribly complicated and he may have something more than Aspergers. Maybe he has a deep mental illness you don't know anything about. Maybe he has PTSD or OCD or MPD or maybe he is hiding a deep, secret past he can never share with anyone.....

The bottom line is ---

If you let a person who is confusing confuse you, then you can expect more confusion. If someone gets confusing , the best course, IMHO, is to RUN LIKE mad. Don't try to figure out why and when and who and what and all that. Drop him like a hot piece of metal unless you want more confusion in your life.

You were not deeply loved in a this short a period of time, despite your illusions. But he sure confused you. So the benefits you hoped to reap with Love are way overshadowed by the confusion. RUN!

Such great feedback thank you.

 

[Koeks]

This. Although you moved a bit fast (Puppy was way too much), he seems more like a whacko asshole then anything else. At this point there is only one thing to do: Save the puppy!

Oh yea and get your stuff back. You know where he lives, just show up and say that you are here for your stuff. Do not in any way attempt to get back in his life (why would you want to?) as that crosses into psycho ex category.

Save the puppy! Think of the puppy!

Seriously never buy a puppy with someone. Buy your own puppy. This stuff happens so freaking often. I spoke to a lawyer once that specializes in pet custody after broken relationships hahaha. It's so bad there's lawyers that specialize in this stuff.

Is there any way you misunderstood and he wanted a dog anyway for himself? Ugh... It bothers me anyhoot to just go out and buy a puppy like it's a frigging lampshade.

I think about the puppy all day. We connected over our love for animals and getting Olly was such a great day.
Maybe I misunderstood what was happening but he always made me feel a part of every decision. From what to name him, to going to the pet store together and getting everything he needed. He never made me feel as if it wasnt my dog too. I know the dog is going to be in great hands but I wish we could have discussed whatever is happening now before we took that step.

 

[OlLiE]

if it is about alone time, the more you try to contact him, the worse you will make things

if he says 'we can talk about it later', ask him when

maybe it involves his kids, making things unbearably complicated

i often need to do things one at a time, there may be problems that are more demanding and important than a new relationship that are consuming his available resources

 

[Mary Lyn]

Agree - just turn up for your belongings and try not to take this too personally. Just leave things. It seems a common thing these days for people to do this - just dunp someone when it was going well, and try not to invest too much in future in such short term relationships. Take what they say with a pinch of salt, in that their feelings might change and you need a year to get to know someone before starting to commit. With NO SEX lol

 

[Koeks]

Thought I would give you all an update:

Today i went to his place to get my belongings.
He looked like he had seen a ghost when he saw me and stared at me for a good 5 minutes. I let him know i was just there to collect my belongings.

I asked where our puppy was and he informed me that the puppy had died a few days ago! what kind of monster doesn't let someone know that the dog they shared had died.

I asked him if he had any explanation for me at all and he said no. He had no response. Just that his life is a mess.

I am still so hurt

 

[Fino]

He let it starve or something? Now you know he's mentally ill. I guess it's better that it was exposed sooner than later?

You are brave for doing that! I'm so sorry.

 

[Koeks]

He let it starve or something? Now you know he's mentally ill. I guess it's better that it was exposed sooner than later?

You are brave for doing that! I'm so sorry.

Apparently he jumped off the porch with his leash attached. I don’t even know what to believe anymore.

Don’t know why I feel even worse after seeing him.

 

[Tom]

Run as far and as fast as you can. Do not look back.

 

[Fino]

WTH? If I were reading this as a novel, I'd be like, "This is too weird, no one does stuff like this. It makes no sense." And then I'd finish reading it anyway because I can't stand to not finish something I start, but I wouldn't be happy about it! So creepy.

It makes complete sense for you to feel worse after seeing him. All the relationship stuff aside, anyone should feel worse after encountering this guy. And he stared at you for five minutes. Just that from someone like him would logically make someone feel worse.

And the news about the puppy. It's almost over the top how horrible it is, it's like those creepy dead baby jokes. The inclusion of a dead puppy in your heartbreak is mad.

 

[Koeks]

Run as far and as fast as you can. Do not look back.

Thank you, I will follow your advice

WTH? If I were reading this as a novel, I'd be like, "This is too weird, no one does stuff like this. It makes no sense." And then I'd finish reading it anyway because I can't stand to not finish something I start, but I wouldn't be happy about it! So creepy.

It makes complete sense for you to feel worse after seeing him. All the relationship stuff aside, anyone should feel worse after encountering this guy. And he stared at you for five minutes. Just that from someone like him would logically make someone feel worse.

And the news about the puppy. It's almost over the top how horrible it is, it's like those creepy dead baby jokes. The inclusion of a dead puppy in your heartbreak is mad.

I know, I never would have imagined a situation like this in my life. It’s unreal

 

[WeirdoGuy]

You say "...all of a sudden mid conversation I stopped receiving texts from him." This shows that it was a text conversation. Before speculating on other possible reasons, you may want to revisit that conversation and see if something was said to scare or offend him. I don't know how private the text conversation is, but if it does not contain anything too sensitive, you may want to post it here. Those of us on the spectrum may be able to see something off-putting in your words that neurotypicals wouldn't see.

 

[Koeks]

You say "...all of a sudden mid conversation I stopped receiving texts from him." This shows that it was a text conversation. Before speculating on other possible reasons, you may want to revisit that conversation and see if something was said to scare or offend him. I don't know how private the text conversation is, but if it does not contain anything too sensitive, you may want to post it here. Those of us on the spectrum may be able to see something off-putting in your words that neurotypicals wouldn't see.

This was the last thing he said to me before he went quiet. Then the second is the conversation we had after I collected my belongings. I’m pretty embarrassed by all my emotion but I truly was blindsided by it all.

What do you think? Just trying to get me out his life or genuinely struggling with something beyond my understanding.
I did see him on a dating app again

 

[WeirdoGuy]

It does seem like he's going through a lot, seems overwhelmed, and doesn't see how he can be in a relationship right now. On the chance that it was the text, the only thing I can see is "Lol, it's a corridor" which could be seen as you laughing at him. I doubt that this is the reason, but it is interesting to note that his tone changes after that. It goes from "aww, you're so sweet" to a "Yes mam" rather than "yes honey" or "yes sweetie" or anything like that. It could be a combination of the two. 95% his current situation and feeling overwhelmed, and then the little "lol, it's a corridor" to nudge him over the edge. But this is all speculation. Seeing him on a dating app again doesn't mean that he is currently dating, but it does mean that he is thinking single and seeing what is out there.

 

[Koeks]

It does seem like he's going through a lot, seems overwhelmed, and doesn't see how he can be in a relationship right now. On the chance that it was the text, the only thing I can see is "Lol, it's a corridor" which could be seen as you laughing at him. I doubt that this is the reason, but it is interesting to note that his tone changes after that. It goes from "aww, you're so sweet" to a "Yes mam" rather than "yes honey" or "yes sweetie" or anything like that. It could be a combination of the two. 95% his current situation and feeling overwhelmed, and then the little "lol, it's a corridor" to nudge him over the edge. But this is all speculation. Seeing him on a dating app again doesn't mean that he is currently dating, but it does mean that he is thinking single and seeing what is out there.

What do you think would be a respectable thing for me to do now? I really care about him so much and I want to be there for him.

 

[Fino]

I think the best thing to do would be to leave him alone. If it's going to happen, it has to be him contacting you.

That's what I think!

 

[pumpkin]

I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through this. I’ve been in a similar situation myself (no puppy was involved). It sounds like he is going through a lot and doesn’t feel like he can handle the added pressure of maintaining a relationship right now.

I would just let him know that regardless of everything that’s happened between you two, you are there for him if he needs help or someone to chat to. It makes me so upset to read his msg.. sounds like he’s struggling mentally. He’s trying to save you from that and thinks you deserve better.

In my experience relationships for someone on the spectrum can be a lot of effort.. just to put on the face and make sure you’re being kind and saying the right things and keeping up to your partners expectations. He might have just gotten exhausted and freaked out and decided that he can’t do it.

I would take what he’s said as the truth, and not think that there’s any hidden meaning behind it. It’s nothing to do with you, he thinks you’re great give him some time and space and once you’ve both had a think about whether or not the relationship is the best thing for you right now then maybe you’ll sort it out.

Good luck and try not to take it personally!

 

[WeirdoGuy]

As others have said, it is best right now to leave it alone. But if he does reach out to you and you reconnect, you may want to find out if he is someone that is easily offended. I realize that saying "Lol, it's a corridor" is not very offensive, but it could be over time. Being on the spectrum means that we have more idiosyncrasies than the typical individual, and this also means that there are bound to be more chuckles and brief laughs at things that we do sometimes. If this little chuckle at him mistaking a corridor for a room was not the first incident, there might have been a cumulative effect.

Anyway, you didn't do anything wrong, even if that was part of the reason. Someone on the spectrum and a neurotypical can never understand each other fully. You need to leave it alone, but keep it in the back of your mind if he ever reaches out to you again.