Boundary Issues

[KevinMao133]

Need to talk about this

I don’t think I know how to deal with people

I struggle with setting healthy boundaries

I do not know how to keep friends as I always overstep boundaries

 

[tree]

An example would be useful, in order to know
what sort of situations you're stuggling with.

 

[Judge]

One thing for sure, if one is too intense too soon about friendship/camaraderie, etc. you're likely to chase away people more than endear them to you. I suspect a great many of us are guilty of moving too fast and potentially overwhelming others.

With a great many people out there in general who are easily repelled by such behavior, even with the best of intentions. When it either just "weirds them out" or they suspect predatory intentions.

 

[Fino]

Because of this issue, I try to let the other person in any sort of relationship take the lead.

 

[tree]

I don’t think I know how to deal with people

I struggle with setting healthy boundaries

I do not know how to keep friends as I always overstep boundaries

Can you give an example of a time when that happened?

 

[Misty Avich]

I've never been too intense with people but I sometimes have trouble with knowing whether to join in or to stay put. Yes I do have boundaries and I'm not oblivious to body language, but sometimes when there are people (women more so) who I know well enough are just having what it looks like a light-hearted chitchat and I'm nearby, I'm in a dilemma of whether to go up to them and join them or just stay where I am.
If I go up to them I fear they're going to think I'm annoying or intrusive. If I just stay put they might think I'm being aloof and then the friendship might start to crumble.
I know the best thing to do is to call "hello!" from where you are because that way you can tell by the way the reply whether it's appropriate to join in or not, but I have difficulties with shouting (I'm not really a shouter), and I know my stupid voice would just get lost in the wind. I would wave but they might not see me waving.

It's not the behaviour of others I don't understand, it's how to be. I've been rejected by girls so much in the past that I've become fearful of rejection, so I tend to keep my distance a little. I feel easily intimidated by female cliques, and often I find female cliques hard to become a part of, as usually I just end up as the third wheel or can sense signs of irritation. I hate that. I don't really form cliques. I just like everyone by default unless someone gives me a good reason not to like them. I'm quite impartial and easygoing around people.

 

[paloftoon]

Executive functioning is hard for most of us. You will probably have to screw up much like I had, but always try to learn from your mistakes each time. Talk with trusted soul(s) willing to listen to your situations in-depth including a good therapist. You will pick up eventually. I was in this place once and I feel I've reasonably overcome understanding healthy boundaries.

The culture that you grew up in, Asian presumedly, could be a factor in why it's hard for you to understand boundaries for yourself and for other people as well.

 

[Judge]

The culture that you grew up in, Asian presumedly, could be a factor in why it's hard for you to understand boundaries for yourself and for other people as well.

If you mean issues involving perceptions of "personal space", I'd have to agree.

Different cultures have various degrees of tolerance when it comes to violating another person's space.
Conversely in other cultures you don't want to violate one's personal space at all.