Big problems with co-workers and learning........

[almost invisible]

Three weeks ago I somehow landed my dream job working with a travel company. Among the many incentives/perks are interstate and overseas travel, financial bonuses, work functions, such as dinners, outings (which I really dont see as a perk LOL), etc. I'm trying to stress that it's a great company to work for and that I was wrapped to get the position.

However, as per usual, I have f&*&ed up again. During training, my Aspergers symptoms seems to get worse? and I become more and more unable to socialise.
I think I come across as rude and aloof, although I certainly don't mean to, and now my training group have almost completely ostracized me. Most of the other employees that have been there for a while also ignore me.

So my questions are: I am finding training stressful as I learn by doing not theory. Does stress exarcerbate Aspergers symtoms?
I am newly diagnosed. Where can I find further, comprehensive information on Aspergers? (From an Aspies point of view).
I am thinking of quitting. I know where this is headed. I'll be further ostracized by more and more people until I am fired or
leave due to embarressment/bullying.

Thanks guys

 

[Spinning Compass]

Yes, stress does make Asperger's symptoms worse. I find that when I am stressed I am unable to retain complex instructions and of course relating to others goes completely out the window.

I work in a high-stress job and I can understand your fears and they are valid fears, believe me. The question you have to ask yourself is do you want to live with that kind of fear? Do you want to be told that this job is not a good fit for you? Employers often will give such hints to people that they feel don't fit in hoping that they will leave and spare them the trouble of firing them.

I can tell you what long-term stress does. It affects the way the mind processes information, it affects the heart and immune system, it causes you to gain weight around the middle with all the resulting health risks. It definitely shortens your life! I love my job but I wonder how many years it has taken from me.

 

[QxV]

Hello,

I obviously don't really know your situation, but could you describe why people think you're rude and aloof? I find that I'm generally ignored (not in a bad way) until I speak to people, and then I just say the kinds of things that people usually say to one another (e.g., how are you; where are you from etc.). But for me, it's tough to move any relationship beyond that.

 

[Tarragon]

I can tell you what long-term stress does. It affects the way the mind processes information, it affects the heart and immune system, it causes you to gain weight around the middle with all the resulting health risks. It definitely shortens your life! I love my job but I wonder how many years it has taken from me.

That happened to me. I was two stone heavier when I was in my stressful job. Now, I'm two stone lighter! But it's my torso that is too large. Classic stress induced weight gain. Im not worried (pardon the pun) about it, as I know why I got so stressed (aspie vs rest of the world). As for health risks in the future, well at least I'm trying not to be so stressed now. My choice of Job in the future will be determined by keeping my stresses to a minimum.


Have you thought about explaining to your work colleagues you have aspergers? it might help?

 

[csanon]

Wow, your situation sounds stressful. Do you have a friend, family member, therapist, etc. who you could do role-playing with to practice your social cues and interactions? You may be able to get obvious insight on things you're doing that may be alienating you from your co-workers. In the meantime, could you take a more passive role at work by taking on responsibilities involving little social interaction?

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

If this is your dream job, don't give it up!!

Stressing about being stressed will probably not help you out in the long run.

Maybe ask your trainer if you can have access to the notes for future reference. I have found most jobs with indepth training usually give you a folder so you can chill and relax in training then learn when you get into the role what to do on a computer from your cheat sheet. If the information is oral then take notes. Try and get down the important info. Do the same if its computer based. Pick out the bits you need to remember, write it in a notebook, take it home and review it. If you can't do that explain to your trainer this is how you learn and then review at lunch time or something.

I personally have had a lot of trouble with people who have labelled me before getting to know me in the work place. I can't help you on what to do to get around it other than to suck it up and go out with them after work in training. That might help. It might give them a different context to see you in. Don't be a know it all as well. People usually don't like when someone else makes them feel dumb and I have picked up that aspies can do this. Sometimes its easier to not answer a question and let someone else do it.

Those are a couple points I have picked up on how to fit in. I can't guarantee they work but worth a shot.

 

[total-recoil]

Try to ease up on yourself. I've had these experiences and, in fact, only last week some boss came up and tried to draw me into an argument as he was in a bad mood and snapping at staff. It gets worse if you stress over it so really it's a matter of you doing your best and trying to compensate for your social skills by being efficient and letting it be known you try hard and are on time and so on.
As for being ignored, it's pretty typical with aspergers. It's part of the problem but you can maybe focus on your strengths and will eventually blend in more.

Three weeks ago I somehow landed my dream job working with a travel company. Among the many incentives/perks are interstate and overseas travel, financial bonuses, work functions, such as dinners, outings (which I really dont see as a perk LOL), etc. I'm trying to stress that it's a great company to work for and that I was wrapped to get the position.

However, as per usual, I have f&*&ed up again. During training, my Aspergers symptoms seems to get worse? and I become more and more unable to socialise.
I think I come across as rude and aloof, although I certainly don't mean to, and now my training group have almost completely ostracized me. Most of the other employees that have been there for a while also ignore me.

So my questions are: I am finding training stressful as I learn by doing not theory. Does stress exarcerbate Aspergers symtoms?
I am newly diagnosed. Where can I find further, comprehensive information on Aspergers? (From an Aspies point of view).
I am thinking of quitting. I know where this is headed. I'll be further ostracized by more and more people until I am fired or
leave due to embarressment/bullying.

Thanks guys

 

[J. Ann]

Get enough sleep (eating properly wouldn't be bad either). That will help you think better and more clear. Think before you do or say something. If you look back to a conversation you had, and think you might have been offensive you could try apologizing, and say you really didn't mean to (It may kind of hard, because being an Aspie anything involving awkward social situations isn't easy. Been there, done that.). I can be the same way at first when I trying to learn something or do things I'm not use to. I won't think straight, and I'll say or do something that makes me think "Well, that just made me look pretty stupid!".

If you didn't have the skills and knowledge to be there, then you never would have gotten a job there in the first place. So don't give up. Just relax. It takes time. You'll catch on, and learn how things work as time goes on. Kind of like in school, when the teacher explained how to do a hard math problem. I'm sure you didn't completely understand how to to Geometry in one day. Or when learning to drive. You most likely didn't get behind the wheel right after you learned and drove like someone who has been for 20 years. As for everyone else, try to get to know people, and let them get to know you.

 

[oscar2012]

anyone got any advice on bullys in work place

 

[kicker]

Yes, confront them with questions. Tell them that you feel as if you are being singled out for some reason ask what it is. Then explain why you feel that way and that you would like to get along with them. You might be misreading the situation as far as their intentions. As well they may not realize that you are reading it that way. Only way to really solve an interpersonal problem is to talk about it with the person and try to reach a mutual understanding. If it helps have someone you know well or like be a moderator.

 

[oscar2012]

Thank you for that information

 

[Peace]

I have been working with people that are helping me to see that asking questions about other peoples interests instead of mine, helps a lot in social situations. It helps to keep me out of trouble.

 

[orlampagal]

I've been reading this awesome book by Rudy Simone called Aspergirls- and she wrote a book also about Aspergers on the job. I couldn't BELIEVE how everything fits.