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Best funny line you can think of.

Over 20 years ago but when I won the breakfast sandwich pool at work, I'd buy everyone a Sausage Mcmuffin and keep the rest. One guy said "not for me, those are gut bombs, they'll clog your arteries". Then he turns around and goes outside to smoke a cigarette.
 
Said while driving down a bumpy road: "Hold on to your corset, Ma - we're goin' !"

I also like, "Shut 'er down, Scotty! She's suckin' mud!"

I heard both lines from the same adult when I was a kid.
 
Man walks into massage parlor wearing leather. Receptionist asks if hes lost. No mam im your three o clock appointment.
 
Man dies and goes to heaven.
God says welcome to heaven.
Man screams.
God asks whats wrong.
I won the power ball for five billion dollars yesterday.
 
A man walks into a bar. Takes a seat and passes out asleep. The bartender walks up sees the man. Takes a look around the empty bar and yells. FATALITY!
 
A man walks into a bar. Takes a seat and passes out asleep. The bartender walks up sees the man. Takes a look around the empty bar and yells. FATALITY!
full
 
"Get me dander up? I wouldn't give it a nudge with a wet flannel !"
Victoria Wood's, Dinner Ladies.


"Are you pregnant?"
"Not unless sperm can get through a Sash window, why?"
Victoria Wood's, Dinner Ladies.


(On moving to Scotland)
"What's wrong with it?"

"... and everything will be spelled 'Ecclephechan' but pronounced 'Kookaburra'
Victoria Wood's, Dinner Ladies.
 
Over 20 years ago but when I won the breakfast sandwich pool at work, I'd buy everyone a Sausage Mcmuffin and keep the rest. One guy said "not for me, those are gut bombs, they'll clog your arteries". Then he turns around and goes outside to smoke a cigarette.
I found that highly amusing yet at the same time I think we're all like that on some level. Maybe that's why I find it funny.
 
At a field camp in remote New Guinea island when we ran totally out of food: They allegedly have a plane coming in tomorrow with a load of alleged food
 
Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes.
That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away ...and barefoot! ;)
 
old boyfriend told me about the five finger discount?? l am like what is that??? He replies - shoplifting
 

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