Being Told You Are Too Critical

[Lili G]

Does anyone get told they are overly critical? I have a friend who shares various art with me (which is not by her) when she comes across it, which I enjoy. While I try to express that I like it and what I appreciate about it, I usually do have something to say, and it's often very minor. "The wall doesn't line up right" or "there's a british phone box but theyre on the right side of the road". She doesn't get angry with me but has no qualms telling me once in a while that I'm super critical or I should 'just enjoy it'.

I don't know how to explain that I really am enjoying them! I just love picking things apart. Should I suppress the instinct to point those things out, or should I try to help her understand that it's just my way of enjoying it?

 

[Wolfnox]

Wait for her to ask for advice. Gives you the opening to do your thing without coming across as critical.

 

[Fino]

Stop being critical and be entirely supportive instead.

 

[Judge]

By chance, do you also have any comorbid conditions like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? That could complicate such things if you have an elevated sense of detail and symmetry as I do.

Makes things difficult at times where I indeed must "attenuate" my comments on some things because it is my nature to do just that. It took me years to come to terms with the fact that I simply see things that most people don't even notice. Worse with OCD because something that looks "out of line" in any way tends to annoy me. Yet another thing that so many people cannot relate to. My rants about fonts are a good example.

And of course just the basics of autism. Where it may reflect our nature to be hyper-focused more so than most people. Leaving us socially "out of sync" with our NT counterparts. So yeah, in some cases you learn or at least try to mitigate your comments so you don't come off as being overly critical or negative.

Though apart from social considerations, it's a trait your employer may come to appreciate.

Research Shows That People With Autism Have A Stronger Aptitude For Focusing On Tasks

 

[Homulilly]

Do you know if your friend does art only as a hobby or if she’s professional? I’m NT, I studied art in college and was trained in the way that would make us professional artists after we graduate (although I’m not). It is so important for me to receive criticisms for my artwork so I can improve. It’s actually really hard and uncommon to receive honest feedback in the NT world, which is probably why your friend doesn’t like your minor criticisms. If she’s only doing it as a hobby, don’t offer criticism unless she asks for it. Just offer true positive things about the art.

 

[Thinx]

I'm in the UK and you don't see many phone boxes in the UK anymore. The red post boxes, yes. But the phone boxes, not so much. Unless they've been repurposed, such as mini book share venues or to display art. There are some. I wonder why she's putting phone boxes in her art?

Ok, so I definitely would be thinking those points. I might ask, what does the phone box in this painting signify, for you? And she might say, well to me it has a certain negative energy, like when a friend critiques your art...

 

[Misery]

Stop being critical and be entirely supportive instead.

Easy to say, hard to do.

Besides: That isnt actually useful to the artist, and most artists seem to realize this eventually.

After all, how can you find areas where you need to improve if the people who look at your art wont tell you what they are? One of the most irritating parts of creating something is that you, the creator, are TOO CLOSE to it. You cannot spot certain issues because of that. Critique is very important in the process of improving one's skill. With some things, a LACK of critique can outright harm the final product. In my wacky game-development exploits, the final product came out as good as it did BECAUSE of people pointing out flaws without hesitation during testing. It would have been nowhere near as good if they kept telling me and the rest of the team that it was all good simply because that's more "supportive".

Frankly, I always consider it outright disrespectful to lie to someone by saying their work is somehow perfect with no flaws. That doesnt ACTUALLY support them whatsoever, because it cant help them with their REAL goal: getting better at what they do, so they can make true masterpieces eventually. It could instead outright slow them down!

If I see a problem... you bet I'm going to point it out... and if the person in question cant handle that? Well then, we've found a whole other type of flaw that MUST be ironed out if they want to reach a truly high skill level.

Of course, this is assuming that I understand the subject matter enough to do so. You'd never see me pointing out the flaws in, say, an ice skating routine, as I have no bloody clue what's going on there. Well, I guess if the skater outright ran into a wall, I could point that out.


And yes, I did in fact spot the bit in @Lili G 's original post where the friend was showing art that they found, not that they made... but I'm just pointing this out in a general way, as it is quite important if you're dealing with the person who actually made the thing in question.


Just my thoughts on it as someone who does this pretty much constantly. I tend to be a lot more harsh and spiky about it though. I call myself "Misery" for a reason.

 

[Raggamuffin]

My eyes are naturally drawn to what isn't working in a drawing. Perspectives, or things that aren't right etc. You could always tell your friend it's what you enjoy.

Ed

 

[Raggamuffin]

Kinda funny, a friend sent me a Pepe maymay and I just listed everything that wasn't right in the picture.

Maybe we should become art critics

Ed

 

[Suzette]

@Lili G , I read your question to mean that your friend was showing you random art done by others and not your friend. Is that correct?

If so, I think your friend is hoping that you two can share in mutal pleasure or interest in these pictures.
It's perfectly fine respond exactly as you want. Maybe don't take her criticisim of your criticisim personally.

She knows you are going to point out flaws but she keeps sharing these pictures with you. So when she complains just smile and agree with her. "Yup. I AM critical. It keeps my analytical mind sharp!"
Or "Yeah, but I have fabulous tastes!"

 

[Owliet]

Does anyone get told they are overly critical? I have a friend who shares various art with me when she comes across it, which I enjoy. While I try to express that I like it and what I appreciate about it, I usually do have something to say, and it's often very minor. "The wall doesn't line up right" or "there's a british phone box but theyre on the right side of the road". She doesn't get angry with me but has no qualms telling me once in a while that I'm super critical or I should 'just enjoy it'.

I don't know how to explain that I really am enjoying them! I just love picking things apart. Should I suppress the instinct to point those things out, or should I try to help her understand that it's just my way of enjoying it?

Best thing to do is, if someone asks for feedback give it to them, otherwise don’t give it to them.

 

[Owliet]

Kinda funny, a friend sent me a Pepe maymay and I just listed everything that wasn't right in the picture.

View attachment 77055

Maybe we should become art critics

Ed

This is an amazing work of art. You can find things of it that can really cheer someone up. Like the boxing kangaroos.

 

[iamlindsaythatisall]

Kinda funny, a friend sent me a Pepe maymay and I just listed everything that wasn't right in the picture.

View attachment 77055

Maybe we should become art critics

Ed

RARE
A
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Does anyone get told they are overly critical? I have a friend who shares various art with me when she comes across it, which I enjoy. While I try to express that I like it and what I appreciate about it, I usually do have something to say, and it's often very minor. "The wall doesn't line up right" or "there's a british phone box but theyre on the right side of the road". She doesn't get angry with me but has no qualms telling me once in a while that I'm super critical or I should 'just enjoy it'.

I don't know how to explain that I really am enjoying them! I just love picking things apart. Should I suppress the instinct to point those things out, or should I try to help her understand that it's just my way of enjoying it?

I am often told the same exact thing. I often just freeze and assume they are correct, but, in reality, that is me enjoying it. I, too, enjoy picking things apart and being a bit of a detective. In all honesty, the flaws are part of what makes art so special. It gives us a teeny tiny glimpse of the person who created it.

 

[Knower of nothing]

My issue with criticism, in respects to art specifically, is the implication that there is a "right" way for things to be. When the whole beauty of art is being free from all rules other than your own capacity to put it down on paper. The only true flaw that can exist is when you fail to convey what you meant to. And even there, an unintended work with its own value was incidentally created and may still touch people.

However artists want to improve and they want to be able to make what they want to. With intent. Because of this, technical criticisms like broken perspective, unrealistic proportion, incorrect light values, etc, are fine. They are useful for the artist because most really do care about at least being able to do it right. (Learn the rules to know how to break the rules and all that.) You however, criticize on a technical level to someone that isn't the artist. And there I have to wonder what the purpose is. For you it's clear, it's fun to be able to look at art at this layer and see these errors and then share what you can see. But the other person clearly took no or little issue with these errors, and so maybe the work was fine as it is for her. Then being told of all its flaws can come across as if you are devaluing the piece, like it's broken or failed in some aspects. No longer worthy of the same level of appreciation. Sounds a little dramatic so who knows? I'll echo Suzette in that it is likely not a big deal either way. (A friend of mine did cease to share art with me because of too many subsequent unfavorable responses though...)

 

[Lili G]

@Lili G , I read your question to mean that your friend was showing you random art done by others and not your friend. Is that correct?

If so, I think your friend is hoping that you two can share in mutal pleasure or interest in these pictures.
It's perfectly fine respond exactly as you want. Maybe don't take her criticisim of your criticisim personally.

She knows you are going to point out flaws but she keeps sharing these pictures with you. So when she complains just smile and agree with her. "Yup. I AM critical. It keeps my analytical mind sharp!"
Or "Yeah, but I have fabulous tastes!"

Some very good points here! I hadn't even thought of turning it around like that, I can dish it out but I have to take it!

Yes they are not by her, just stuff she has come across.

 

[Lili G]

Thank you all for your responses and while it seems I was not clear that these are random images and drawings she finds online and not her work or things she has a big emotional connection to, I think the discussions and advice given are still useful!

 

[Owliet]

Thank you all for your responses and while it seems I was not clear that these are random images and drawings she finds online and not her work or things she has a big emotional connection to, I think the discussions and advice given are still useful!

Ah, I see. My sister has a friend who also passes others art as her own, and I think sometimes it’s best to point out that depending on what it is, if she posts it somewhere else, and it’s found out that she has plagiarized it could be a serious issue...

 

[GafferGragz]

Be yourself, as long as you keep on point. To me there is no hope to be able to only be positive, to lie, about .. well anything. So I use the 'I like/dont like' about the whole thing and done.

 

[Lili G]

Ah, I see. My sister has a friend who also passes others art as her own, and I think sometimes it’s best to point out that depending on what it is, if she posts it somewhere else, and it’s found out that she has plagiarized it could be a serious issue...

Well for clarity my friend isnt claiming she made them. She us just saying 'check out this cool image or drawing I saw online'

 

[Judge]

Well for clarity my friend isnt claiming she made them. She us just saying 'check out this cool image or drawing I saw online'

"Occam's Razor". That the simplest explanation is most often the most plausible one.

Next time this happens, why not simply point out the obvious, without actually commenting on whatever art is being depicted. That art itself is inherently subjective. If your friend is reasonable she might simply stop pointing out imagery that just doesn't interest you. No harm, no foul.