Being alone.

[Mary Terry]

I love to be alone, free from the eyes of society. Solitude has always been hard for me to achieve due to family, work, life in general but I crave it to decompress from said family, work, and life. I rarely feel lonely for the company of other people because family and friends are always accessible if I just want human companionship. Sometimes I feel lonely for interaction with others who share my personal passions, interests, ideas, etc. because family and friends can't always provide that to me.

 

[Chance]

About the best I can do is say that I can crave the company of others on a limited level and yet in the same time frame want at times to eschew them all. That whatever "it" really is, that it's on a subconscious level more than a conscious one.

That for better or worse, we can be a process of deep contradictions at times. Making it very confusing for others around us, whether they love us or hate us.

It sort of sad... I want so bad to be with people and then they come around being loud and I start becoming dysfunctional and then I am wishing they would leave... No wonder some people want to call us schizoid and other things... I want to interact at times, but it just turns bad then I resolve to just stay off to myself... its sad really.

 

[Sonicwarrior]

Solitude is the best companion.

 

[Sabrina]

I realized recently that, more often than not, when I‘m suddenly alone at home, I start clapping at my self, as a couch congratulating her team when they‘ve just won a game , while I say ‘bravo, well done, yoohoo!!’ and the funny part is that most of the time, there’s absolutely no reason for me to be doing that, LOL!

 

[Sabrina]

We HAVE TO LIE sometimes because otherwise nobody would talk to us again (see attached meme for example ).

 

[Sabrina]

Well... and just to give a more balanced image of myself (I’m not always cheering myself up). I also have to be alone so no one sees me crying (specially my kids), or just to have time to unwind, or to organize my thoughts... or even to break cups or plates without anyone watching.

Most importantly, I love to write. When I finish writing something that I truly like, I have a similar feeling to when I’ve just finished watching a movie with a happy ending: for a very precious moment, it seems as if I have life figured out, and everything is possible. It’s a sensation of euphoria that I can’t get if I am not alone (with the rare exception of connecting deeply, talking to somebody else).

Now that I think about it, when I write something that I really like, it feels as if I had just connected with my deeper self. Maybe that’s the reason why I don’t feel lonely when I’m alone.

But, I also need a witness of my life, and I feel the need of being the witness of other lives. I need to feel loved by others and I need to love.

I think the only difference between me and NTs (regarding alone time) would be the amount and quality of time that I need to be with me, which is a lot more than what a regular person needs. That translates in sometimes not wanting the company of others; but I do need to be with other people too.

 

[Merete]

Yes, that is it!!! I enjoy solitude, but I do have a problem with loneliness. Lately I have been struggling severely with loneliness, though I still prefer my solitude. It's an odd dilemma that is difficult to explain. The only thing that comes to mind is being on a small boat in the middle of the ocean with a few things I enjoy, but no one cares and the realization that no one is looking is weighing heavily.

Haha. Same here. It´s sometimes a dilemma.. I want to be alone... But when I start feeling lonely, I start wondering if I should go get company. But I do not want that (I think) ummmm øøøøh. confusing.

 

[Merete]

I do not think that societies expectations ever can "become" our personality. It can become our reality. Like a wolf who thinks he´s a sheep. In my opinion that is quite a difference. If it would become my reality, I just need to reconstruct and connect to (my) own reality- to my inner wolf. You can never loose yourself.

 

[Sashiengland]

Being alone is as comfortable to me as wearing my favorite pair of sweats.

 

[Fern]

Can I tell you that living at the other end of the spectrum presents the same problem? As a woman with too much intuitive empathy I find it incredibly freeing when I am on my own to be myself without worrying about how other people are feeling. I constantly check my behaviour and speech against how it will impact the emotional well being of others, caring about how others feel about themselves. When I am on my own sometimes it it hard to know who 'I' am and what opinions I really have as I am constantly editing what I say around others. When I am on my own I must admit I am neither as nice or as accomodating of others....I also allow myself to use a broader vocabulary.
I'm a mother of a 26 year old Aspie who lives with me...and he is probably one of my closest friends in the world. While we may not tell each other everything, or be 100% our own unedited truths, we both know that if occassionally we are...it's okay. because we love each other 100% and loving someone means accepting we are changeable, strange enigmas, because we are human. That relationship is priceless too me, and I would wish it for you all.

 

[Forgotten Aspie]

I just found out about being ND. It helps me understand why I've felt the way I do around people. I've always tended to stay alone... even when I can be around others. I start feeling anxious because I'm tired of performing on the NT stage. I'm a bit different with my sister's family since I'm very comfortable with them.. I still feel like the "odd uncle" but not sure if that is me or them. Our times to be together are few and far between. I cut myself off so much from the contact of others I was feeling more isolated than in solitude. Part of that may have been depression and other life issues. Now that I know the WHY I feel this way, I may be able to find some happy medium where I can feel a connection but within my tolerance limits...

 

[Forgotten Aspie]

I find it incredibly freeing when I am on my own to be myself without worrying about how other people are feeling. I constantly check my behaviour and speech against how it will impact the emotional well being of others, caring about how others feel about themselves. When I am on my own sometimes it it hard to know who 'I' am and what opinions I really have as I am constantly editing what I say around others.

I can relate to this too and i'm a guy.. that is sort of what I meant when I said being on the NT stage... Always concerned "how I'm doing" but also I get tired of being emotionally drained attending to everyone's state of being. Maybe I'm reading their emotions because I have problems understanding what they mean in what they say. Its always a tense feeling not a relaxed pleasant one.

 

[JDartistic]

My alone-time is probably too excessive. I not only talk incessantly to myself (& my dog), but I also have a terrible day-dreaming problem in that I'll just lie in bed and listen to music and day-dream all day...

So, is that the "real" me? I hope not!

Left to my own vices, I don't really do anything constructive, and after living a life of MOSTLY being alone, I'm not sure my "normal" self is so good, since it doesn't amount to anything...

So for me, being alone means I MUST HAVE RITUALS to be okay with myself. That is, I structure my days with ritual behaviors so, at the end of the day, I can at least say (to myself, of course!), that I did something productive, instead of doing nothing but live in my head...

 

[Iamarock]

Solitude is one of the things I value most highly. Being a network technician I do not have to work in an office with a bunch of other people around. I go to a clients office, do my thing and leave. Most of the time I can work from home by remoting into a client's computer. Now that my wife is retired, she is home all of the time and I have lost a lot of my alone time. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and I love the time that we spend together, but I have lost part of something that helps me cope. I am learning to adjust to this and really it is not hard. She gets me and I can always be myself when I am around her. It is one of the things that I love about her. But I still crave alone time. One day last week I told her that I had an appointment with a client when I really didn't. I just needed to have alone time for a few hours.

 

[aspieman2396]

I feel the same way OP, but there are times that I am glad that i'm single.

 

[Lit]

"Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self." Thank you, May Sarton

 

[Chance]

CONNECTION is the word I was digging for... I don't care anything about getting someones "attention."
Its a true connection that I long for. When I don't see that happening I switch to solitude as my standard of LIFE.

 

[Ebu004]

I love this. I feel like I'm the most productive when I'm alone. I'll do a million things happily though rather haphazard way. I'll talk to myself and my dog and sing or shout. I dance, sometimes just sit around staring and thinking. I end up getting a lot done though maybe not scheduled tasks. I prefer the freedom to just "be". Without restrictions: social, temporal, or otherwise. Like to go on hikes with Raeli (my pup) as well and just live at my own pace for awhile. When I shop alone I will spend time looking at all the stuffed animals so I enjoy shopping alone lol

 

[Blue]

I'm good at faking being social but it eats away at me. Every day I feel like I'm walking around surrounded by manikins. People don't like smart people or independent thinkers. Human nature derives heavily from tribalism and we're not part of normal society. To wear a mask is a survival mechanism. It's sad but that's the world we live in.

At least our pets accept us.

 

[Forgotten Aspie]

I realize now that I've found I'm ND, that it is not that I don't want to be around people. I don't want to be around people that I have nothing in common with. I like being alone because I can be me.. but now that I know there are others like me "out there" I'm much more motivated to meet people I feel I CAN connect with.