Being a hermit/recluse

[kay]

I was thinking the other day while feeling generally left out and suffering a serious case of the blahs about what a social failure I am. And then I thought about the people on this forum who want to be hermits. And then I realized I couldn't very well be a hermit, I have 4 friends and don't want that much alone time. So I fail as a hermit, too. And then I starting thinking some more. Yep, over-thinking as always. Except this time it turned out ok and I realized that I was being far too extreme in my thinking. Like it's only ok to be really social or really isolated. Can't I be a moderate hermit or recluse? A weekday hermit? A social minimalist? Can't I consider myself quite good at achieving that instead of feeling stupid all the time? Maybe I am actually fairly socially successful by only having 4 friends (a huge amount for me). Maybe other people are being friend hoarders and suffering as a result. Anyhoo, sorry for the little ramble, I'm finally getting some downtime to think and I guess I may need an outlet.

 

[watersprite]

Not overthinking at all, at least not in my opinion.
Compliment to your wisdom that you turned a negative away and found the positive truth using a rearrangement of the data.

 

[Judge]

It's not for everyone. But at times it can be deeply fulfilling.

I've lived with minimal R/L social contact since about 2007. Though I am still "on the grid" in the legal, monetary and technological sense.

 

[Streetwise]

I was thinking the other day while feeling generally left out and suffering a serious case of the blahs about what a social failure I am. And then I thought about the people on this forum who want to be hermits. And then I realized I couldn't very well be a hermit, I have 4 friends and don't want that much alone time. So I fail as a hermit, too. And then I starting thinking some more. Yep, over-thinking as always. Except this time it turned out ok and I realized that I was being far too extreme in my thinking. Like it's only ok to be really social or really isolated. Can't I be a moderate hermit or recluse? A weekday hermit? A social minimalist? Can't I consider myself quite good at achieving that instead of feeling stupid all the time? Maybe I am actually fairly socially successful by only having 4 friends (a huge amount for me). Maybe other people are being friend hoarders and suffering as a result. Anyhoo, sorry for the little ramble, I'm finally getting some downtime to think and I guess I may need an outlet.

To truly be a hermit is to go and live in the desert alone and to contemplate .I don't think there are many humans who actually do that what they probably do is have very little contact with other humans .
So you could call me a hermit but it's only because of social anxiety nothing to do with contemplation .

 

[Judge]

To truly be a hermit is to go and live in the desert alone and to contemplate .I don't think there are many humans who actually do that what they probably do is have very little contact with other humans .
So you could call me a hermit but it's only because of social anxiety nothing to do with contemplation .

I've got the desert aspect covered as well.

And yes, I do adore its inherent desolation.

Limited social contact, being self-sufficient...personally I think it's a larger part of why I don't have the same degree of social anxiety I had earlier in my life. Though I don't think this sort of thing by any means can work uniformly for people. That it still depends on the individual in question.

 

[kay]

I live in the middle of town, nowhere near either a desert or isolation. Pity, really.

 

[Kirsty]

How about calling yourself a hermitess since you’re female?

I’m pretty much this way already. Being around people eventually drains me, I can’t fit in well or people will leave me, etc. without telling me why. It hurts to feel like I’m disposable and not given a second thought.

 

[Judge]

I live in the middle of town, nowhere near either a desert or isolation. Pity, really.

I don't think I could handle the sounds alone of living in the middle of much of any town. I don't even like hearing my neighbors who usually I have almost no contact with other than possibly passing them on a common stairway.

Being on the spectrum such things come easy to me, but it still fascinates me to live in large multiple unit complexes where most everyone seems quite detached from everyone else. But then perhaps that's just a commentary on living in too close a proximity with your neighbors. That it actually encourages isolation.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

suffering a serious case of the blahs

If I use this will I owe you royalties?

Maybe I am actually fairly socially successful by only having 4 friends (a huge amount for me).

Physical world friends?

Thinking my wife counts as 0.75 . You can't be friends 100% of the time.

Possibly one,
two more possibles, would rate at .25% , prefer a quick civil word and a joke. Getting to know more about their families becomes small talk and thus a 'problem' Although i have patience that wears me down.

Prefer 'loner' rather than hermit as you can do that in the middle of things within your haven.

But loner tends to be in the serial killer category.
I'm assuming you're not one of them?
I hope its not too rude to ask

 

[kay]

If I use this will I owe you royalties?



Physical world friends?

Thinking my wife counts as 0.75 . You can't be friends 100% of the time.

Possibly one,
two more possibles, would rate at .25% , prefer a quick civil word and a joke. Getting to know more about their families becomes small talk and thus a 'problem' Although i have patience that wears me down.

Prefer 'loner' rather than hermit as you can do that in the middle of things within your haven.

But loner tends to be in the serial killer category.
I'm assuming you're not one of them?
I hope its not too rude to ask

Actual friends, in real life. Took me until my 40's, and two are brother and sister who live across the street from each other and I count my SO. Fortunately all are inclined towards unusual conversation styles and peculiar senses of humor; I suppose that's why we are friends.

Not a serial killer, so yeah, "Loner" won't work. Do you think serial killers are really loners or after the fact nobody wants to claim the killer as a friend?

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Not a serial killer, so yeah, "Loner" won't work. Do you think serial killers are really loners or after the fact nobody wants to claim the killer as a friend?

He always kept himself to himself......

Yeh you dont get 'well i always liked him'
'He didnt do anything to me'

Whatever happens in a social group, its never really the truth...
You have to 'fit in' and those friendly,gregarious serial killers are just given a bad wrap as a result....

 

[Judge]

Do you think serial killers are really loners or after the fact nobody wants to claim the killer as a friend?

Interesting question. I suppose looking back on so many of the most famous ones, some are and some aren't.

Dennis Rader and Ted Bundy had friends and were relatively gregarious, extroverted people. I'm thinking others like John Wayne Gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer probably weren't. Still others like Ted Kaczynksi seemed more like misanthropes altogether.

 

[vangelis]

You can find isolation anywhere, even in the most unlikely places, but it can be a very powerful positive existence if you let it. I live in England's only official desert and sometimes that's not deserted enough.

 

[kay]

You can find isolation anywhere, even in the most unlikely places, but it can be a very powerful positive existence if you let it. I live in England's only official desert and sometimes that's not deserted enough.

There is a desert in England! Explain, please? I thought it was all around rather damp and cool and overcast and just generally wonderful. (as much as the desert seems appealing it may be in part because I managed to visit New Mexico during a few cool and cloudy days. I was pretty lucky)

 

[vangelis]

There is a desert in England! Explain, please? I thought it was all around rather damp and cool and overcast and just generally wonderful. (as much as the desert seems appealing it may be in part because I managed to visit New Mexico during a few cool and cloudy days. I was pretty lucky)

Type Dungeness into Wikipedia and have a look

 

[Judge]

Type Dungeness into Wikipedia and have a look

Looks like another place to add to my bucket list...much like the Giant's Causeway.

Mighty dry looking for any place in Great Britain.

 

[kay]

Type Dungeness into Wikipedia and have a look

It's in Kent! I'm convinced my ancestors are from Kent. Absolute beautiful place!!!! If I ever make it to England that is first on my list of places to visit. Had no idea it existed. Thanks for telling me about it.

 

[Judge]

It's in Kent! I'm convinced my ancestors are from Kent. Absolute beautiful place!!!! If I ever make it to England that is first on my list of places to visit. Had no idea it existed. Thanks for telling me about it.

Very cool. I hadn't heard of it either. Just surprised to see it not all that far from Dover. And to think so much of Britain is so green all year round.

 

[vangelis]

It's in Kent! I'm convinced my ancestors are from Kent. Absolute beautiful place!!!! If I ever make it to England that is first on my list of places to visit. Had no idea it existed. Thanks for telling me about it.

You're very welcome. There are a lot of nice places to visit in Kent so I'm sure you would like it if you made the trip over.

 

[vangelis]

Very cool. I hadn't heard of it either. Just surprised to see it not all that far from Dover. And to think so much of Britain is so green all year round.

Yes its a strange place for sure. I can see Dover from my house on a clear day if I look out over the sea.