Been single for so long, I need help building friendships

[Zirk]

Hi everyone, I may not be alone on this, but I am single for like five years.
People find that I don't keep promises, I am lazy, rude, aggressive and intolerant.
The autism makes dating especially hard. Not knowing what to say or how to start.
Often when I think people are not online, they are most likely dating someone else - cheating.
This is a problem with the internet, you can't check it.
The trouble with dating is there is no handbook with rules and information on how to do it, there is no theory to learn.
Moreover, I can't see the differences between genders. It's called being genderblind I think.
Can you relate to my situation?

 

[Tom]

People find that I don't keep promises, I am lazy, rude, aggressive and intolerant.

Do you think this might have something to do with it?

 

[Zirk]

Yeah, maybe I'm just better off without people. I have some rough edges you'll have to deal with. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I don't keep promises, I am lazy, rude, aggressive and intolerant.

All of those are friendship killers. Just as you desire to be accepted, others do too, ND and NT alike. Making friends will require you reining in those impulses. They are learned responses, not traits of autism. You can also learn basic body language cues, but it is necessary for you to like people as you find them, warts and all. Once you succeed at that, you have completed Step One. Next I looked at my interests and joined activity groups in what I enjoy. The National Speleological Society, The Sierra Club, The Michigan Mineralogical Society. I went to meetings, went on outings, led outings, and practiced being social. I found interest groups to be great in finding kindred souls. And those friendships have lasted over 35 years, all of them quirky and not a few I suspect of being on the spectrum. A trip with one of those groups led me to meet my future spouse.

You have a bit of self development to do. Good Luck!

 

[Slime_Punk]

People find that I don't keep promises, I am lazy, rude, aggressive and intolerant.

It seems like you're really in touch with your negative qualities, which is a huge plus. What are your strengths? I'm sure you also have those.

 

[Zirk]

It seems like you're really in touch with your negative qualities, which is a huge plus. What are your strengths? I'm sure you also have those.

Financially independent, Cute looking, Lots of humour, I smile often, Guestfriendly, Outgoing, Flexible, Hands-on mentality, Quick learner

 

[Zirk]

Next I looked at my interests and joined activity groups in what I enjoy. The National Speleological Society, The Sierra Club, The Michigan Mineralogical Society

Guess I like caves too (the Belgian ones are famous) because they are 'prikkelarm' (free of outside stimuli and buzz in Dutch), quiet, dark and spooky.

 

[Judge]

It's true. It takes a lot of energy and willpower to mask traits such as being argumentative, aggressive and intolerant. Some of us can do it, and some cannot.

However at times it has its "rewards" socially in the neurotypical world. Where it pays to restrain one's own impulsive behavior.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Financially independent, Cute looking, Lots of humour, I smile often, Guestfriendly, Outgoing, Flexible, Hands-on mentality, Quick learner

Make being social a special interest for you to learn. If you decide to do that, it will be frustrating at times, but the upside is that you will grow and mature.