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Autistic partner and his care about other people

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Lena_131309, Feb 21, 2020.

  1. Lena_131309

    Lena_131309 Active Member

    Feb 17, 2020
    Dear All,

    I would like to understand the aspect of autism and care about other people. When you read about autism and how autistic people “show” their care about others, you (in 99% of the cases) get to know that, even though autistic people have empathy and care about others, they usually don’t show it at all, being considered as cold, distanced and not empathic at all. By being in a very fresh relationship with a guy on spectrum, I have learnt already not to expect any clear signs of him “carrying” about me. In the last 7 weeks he asked maybe twice how my day was and that’s all. However, yesterday, we had discussion about corona virus (just general exchange of opinions) and between the words he wrote “I am going to get some basic supplies of this and that, in case they will be on shortage in shops, I will ask my parents to do the same and I would like you to do the same that I would not have to be worried about you”....I have to admit that I was a bit “shocked” to hear something like that from him and I didn’t know how to react accordingly. I just wrote him back that it was really sweet of him to write that. Is it “normal” for an autistic person to say something like that? Or is he trying to tell me more “using”’corona virus as an excuse? Or should I be worried that the whole corona virus panic makes him so anxious that he is reacting “not naturally”? What are your thoughts? We have never talked about what is between us and what we feel towards each other, so maybe I’m putting to much “value” to that words....Do you think he tried to tell me “I like you a bit more and care about you, and I want you to know” more than “it would be good if you would get more toilet paper).
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Jan 7, 2015
    It's hard to read your post if you start with such an incorrect statement. Some people on the spectrum appear that way, but only a portion of the very varied spectrum. I don't think anyone knows what percentage it is, but if I had to guess would say its a small percentage really, like 25%, or less.
    • Agree Agree x 6
  3. Major Tom

    Major Tom Searching for ground control... V.I.P Member

    Dec 3, 2017
    I don't think anyone has real empathy, sympathy perhaps. But maybe I'm understanding the meaning of empathy wrong.

    Empathy - Wikipedia
  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Mar 4, 2018
    I think you may be unaware how varied people are on the spectrum. Why not just get to know your boyfriend gradually and see how it goes.
    • Agree Agree x 6
  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Feb 12, 2019
    Think you can't overthink this too much because that then would be a neurotic thought process and it serves no purpose. If you like him to ask about your day- just mention how happy you are when he checks about how your day went. He isn't a mindreader-most men aren't. Just like you can remind him -do you like it when l do (fill in blank). Remember- this isn't a Woody Allen comedy. Lol.
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2020
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
  6. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

    May 22, 2017
    Speaking for myself here, as long as things are going well I don't physically show affection or
    speak in an extra loving manner. I never use words like calling someone Baby, Dear, and other names
    I hear many people use. The words I love you just aren't there, even if I do.
    Everything is just matter of fact and it seems cold to others.
    To me it is just understood. A given. And I guess I don't see why others see it the same.
    But, in the case of something that I find of a real concern I will express actions to be taken.
    This shows care above and beyond the normal take it for granted care.
    In your case the corona virus.
    • Like Like x 2
  7. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

    Jan 31, 2017
    See ememes the article in my signature.

    You are looking for ememes when he isnt sending any to you.

    It's a word to describe the emotional conversation and expectations you have and use in everyday conversation.

    If you look to yourself first (as a lot of this is an unconscious process) you can get some clarity.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

    Sep 12, 2014
    So, does he drink beer that much it causes a virus? :wink:
    • Funny Funny x 1