Autistic husband???

[Fridgemagnetman]

Absolutely, a lot of misunderstanding stems from the expectation that aspies should / would take exactly the same view, judgement / priority as the NT on the social cue or norm, or feeling or anything else. But aspies are seeing the situation differently, are approaching this situation from a very different perspective and their appraisal of the situation is different.

Basically it is the issue of aspies disagreeing with the NT appraisal of the situation, reaching different conclusions, equally valid.

The NT majority does not see and understand the rationale for aspies appraisal of the situation, but they do reject or ostracise the expression of it. It is also and often the issue of a minority group.

Language is also a problem. It became a stereotype that people repeat without challenging the implications.

And there's often a frustration from our side. Being aware of it, especially the social pressure (is consequences) of a mistake.
We can usually take a good guess as the expectations of social interaction.

The consequences can be fraught, as we are aware of 'group judgment'

A bit like Kafkas book the trial. Where the main character is judged and without his knowledge of there even being a trial.

But, I digress.

 

[RosaViolet]

I think casually saying that another person doesn't have empathy or lacks certain cognitive skills could be dehumanising.

They are not here to speak for themselves.

They do have legal capacity to speak for themselves though. Family members and professionals don't have the license on autistic people.

It stigmatises autistic people and feeds the stereotype.

Often the implication drawn from 'lack of empathy' is that they don't care, so you could falsely assign malicious intents to them, that they don't have emotions, and don't feel the pain, which may be then used to legitimise hurting them. This was done to autistic children in the early years of autism research and is perpetuated today by autism hate groups.

 

[RosaViolet]

My experience is, I have a different brain and I do things a bit differently because I experience the world differently. This makes relating more complex, a bit like being in a different culture and with different languages.... between partners, there's potential for this to be explored.

This.

 

[19maddie94]

I’m an Autistic Husband!....I have a great Wife The has researched and try’s to help. Her latest help has been modifying my diet.

This is so sweet to hear. Can you maybe tell me how she helped with other things? Since I have an autistic boyfriend who needs his space at the moment and I am giving it to him. (I am currently staying at a hotel for 2 nights and he’s planning on taking a 4 day holiday this weekend to the country side.) I am really frustrated since my ADHD mind sometimes just doesn’t match with his autistic mind (luckily most of the times we match perfectly) but I am looking for ways to help and understand him. But he doesn’t want to talk about it, which is the hardest part for me since I talk 24/7.

 

[Lysander]

So many questions...

When did you realize your husband probably has autism?

What changed to make you come to this conclusion?

What are your top concerns about?

Do you just need someone to vent to?

I highly recommend you tell him directly what you want and need. Be firm and show him how you feel. Don't act like it's not a big deal if it is. If it's a big deal, it's a big deal. It's possible he wants very much to make you happy and simply doesn't know how.

 

[megacomic]

Sorry if this sounds blunt but how'd you end up marrying someone who lacks empathy? Seems like a major character flaw to just gloss over.

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

Hi everyone
Im new here so please bear with me.
Im a teacher so i have a little knowledge of autism and have taught kids with autism.
Im convinced my husband has autism and i need help. I love him dearly but he can be such hard work at times.
Everything is so black and white with him, his routine CANNOT change and he really lacks empathy.
Does anyone know where i can look for support???

Welcome Loopy.
Same with me, I have an aspie husband too.
Are your husband high-functioning (Asperger) or low-functioning autism?

Marriage life is not easy, especially in our case.. how are you now?

• Do you still want to help him, or
• do you want to find anything that can help you cope, or
• are you too exhausted that you wanna out..?
• (or anything else)

If the first two, I think we can get some nice ideas from this forum. If the third one, (maybe we can get some idea from this forum, but) I think there's another forum for that.

Anyway, let ourselves to have some fun too

 

[RosaViolet]

Which forum is that, @BlueSky Aozora?