Autism and narcissistic traits, how do you tell them apart in yourself?

[Callistemon]

This is very true. Or in my case I have simply chosen to not have friends. It's easier.
For me, even if I am not currently experiencing depression, I still feel like a fraud. It's like I start walking on egg shells around my own thoughts gauging what is "normal", "probably crazy" or simply being confused about how to behave at all.

Well, not as much as I used to. But before certainly.

Well, @Suzette, there was a time in my mid-20s I concluded I wouldn't talk to anyone in my social circle anymore about anything that troubled me, because it was easier that way. I had no idea at the time I had complex PTSD and that this made the things that troubled me a deep dark swamp, rather than garden-variety normal human existential crises (if there is such a thing). I felt like such a leper after bringing anything like that up with an old school friend I was still friendly with, but in retrospect I also think that says something about the friendship and about her own issues as a person - she at the time was busy playing "perfect life" and by the time we were 30, it became clear that this was a facade, a role play almost she had adopted, and that she wasn't actually as together and wonderful as she liked to portray.

(She'd addressed her own problems by joining a religion which gave her a template for a life, and of course she felt that everyone's problems would go away if only they joined the same religion, which even then I could see wasn't true, and she discovered herself later - so there was a bit of moral high-horsemanship from her which wasn't helpful at the time.)

It's funny, looking back - because later on I did find that you could talk to people, they just had to be the right people, and I think it's super helpful to have open dialogue on mental/emotional health in the community, for general public education and because it's the silence that is killing people, both literally and figuratively. It's a lot easier for me to have such conversations having largely sorted through my cPTSD in my early 40s, than it was before that when it was still like a buried landmine. And it's so incredible how many people come out and talk about these sorts of things to me now, in real life. It's a social shift too, like people actually comparing notes! And the acceptance that all of us have things to deal with.

But yeah, it depends on the people around you too whether there can be productive conversations about things like this. If it's awkward and complicated, I think you're better off with a decent professional and self-educating a lot, than getting into awkward conversations. If we're feeling like lepers talking about stuff like this, or it gets super-complicated, then that's unhelpful.

Just thinking out loud!

 

[Aspychata]

Do you think your autism exacerbates your PTSD in some ways? The way you react to being triggered sounds like overstimulation to me.

Great observation. Definitely stay home more these days. That has been extremely helpful. I don't internalize and blame myself. There are mean people , you may become a target for no reason. And l love myself. Warts and all.

 

[Aspychata]

Please talk to us about that anytime, @Aspychata. I lost a friend to suicide in the early 2000s - a lovely woman in her 30s who was our volunteer community music teacher here. Held wonderful evenings in her home introducing us to all sorts of musical instruments from the indigenous peoples of the Americas, where she was from originally. She was always friendly and kind and enthusiastic and well loved in the community. We had no idea she suffered from bipolar as she didn't talk about it and hid herself in her house when she got to the horror lows. And so many of us would have wanted to be there for her, in the bad parts of life as well as the good. But she didn't know this, and we didn't know.

Since that happened, I never think someone is necessarily happy because they look it when I see them. Big big lesson for me. And there's friends and friends, I think, too. Some have been there and it's safe to go to them with this stuff, but we all have to communicate that.

Thank you for your kind words. I have come really far in my thinking and just learning to feel and accept my emotions. That really opens the door. The next step, don't judge yourself. I am still a good person despite some handicaps. Lol. Just because l have feelings or shots of PTSD or sadness doesn't mean l need to leave. It just means l need to concentrate on myself until better.

 

[Suzette]

That's a thing, maybe THE thing, with PTSD, you have all these feelings, all this emotion and it all bubbles to the surface. Sometimes the ferocity and intensity of those emotions are just too much for people with less feeling to feel. At least for me.

"Less feelings to feel", thats not quite right.

For me, my feelings are like living with a haunted radio. Most of the time some easy muzak elevator tune is playing and a volume that invites you to ignore any tune you do not like.

But sometimes the channel get switched, like an A.M. radio, to a station just close enough in fequencey to let a few recognizable words seep through very loud static. It is confusing and you want to focus in on the words that are familiar but the static and squelches are too loud to figure it out.

 

[Aspychata]

That's a thing, maybe THE thing, with PTSD, you have all these feelings, all this emotion and it all bubbles to the surface. Sometimes the ferocity and intensity of those emotions are just too much for people with less feeling to feel. At least for me.

"Less feelings to feel", thats not quite right.

For me, my feelings are like living with a haunted radio. Most of the time some easy muzak elevator tune is playing and a volume that invites you to ignore any tune you do not like.

But sometimes the channel get switched, like an A.M. radio, to a station just close enough in fequencey to let a few recognizable words seep through very loud static. It is confusing and you want to focus in on the words that are familiar but the static and squelches are too loud to figure it out.

I actually had a replay, mine l would say memories, thoughts,actions that all come into play. So this time l dealt with the issue that triggered me. I let the feelings try to upset me. I cried for several hours then l feel reborn. I remind myself how far l have come. That was the finishing thing. This year l am almost wiping out financial debt) And that l have some great people around me. Do you have a series of events that you go through to deal with a breakdown? The other option is antidepressants but l think dealing with my emotions is hard but pays off in the end. I believe that autism is a hindrance in dealing with ptsd and depression. But if you tackle the hard work, you can deal with it.

 

[Suzette]

@Aspychata , cPTSD truly fits my experience better. What I described no long reflects my every waking moment, rather that is a general description.
I am triggered far, far less than I used to be after working through everything for the last 30 years or so. Still, there are times, once every few years, where something triggers a sort of cascade. But after all this time I have figured out how to "get back to normal". That is, I have a routine in my mind, that helps me work through what I am feeling, where the feelings originate from, what alternative I can choose (thoughts or feelings) to move forward.
Does that help?

 

[Aspychata]

@Aspychata , cPTSD truly fits my experience better. What I described no long reflects my every waking moment, rather that is a general description.
I am triggered far, far less than I used to be after working through everything for the last 30 years or so. Still, there are times, once every few years, where something triggers a sort of cascade. But after all this time I have figured out how to "get back to normal". That is, I have a routine in my mind, that helps me work through what I am feeling, where the feelings originate from, what alternative I can choose (thoughts or feelings) to move forward.
Does that help?

Think we have to come to terms exactly how we deal with it. I had battered woman's syndrome when l divorced. That took about 4 to 5 years to work thru. That was exhausting too. But l can't return back because l flipped my reality and thinking. It's great to try to figure where others are at in the process and slide them forward. It's a break thru when you see people making progress and breaking the chains holding them.

 

[StrayCat]

I wonder where do I find those who are very low on narcissism? Those who don't need compliments, validation and all that narc stuff?