Autism and Dating

[Aspychata]

That's straight to the point. Sometimes, it takes a little bit of time and a couple of dates to find out if there is a spark there.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

I haven't heard from her all weekened, even just to say that she couldn't make it. I think its safe to say she isn't interested.

It's a bummer, and I'm annoyed that I misunderstood again. Additionally, at dinner one of my friends was talking about dates she's been going on, and the other girls were saying that they'd go on a second date if they were even 50% interested.

I've never made it to a second date, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It just feels like it will never happen.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

Whirlwind weekend, another update:

Found another woman from my church on Hinge, sent her a message and we went out on Thursday, had a nice 3 hour dinner, and she said she was interested in getting together again, and then messaged me tonight and told me she just wants to be friends.

I'm frustrated, but not at anyone. It's just so disappointing to have this happen continually.

 

[Zain]

Sorry, man. It's tough for us.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

sadly just comes with the territory, i knew long before i joined this forum, i knew i was gonna hear disclosed cases of guys, men, reaching a later than societal norm age, decade, without ever having been in a relationship before, it just comes with the territory, for example, Tony's case, i knew i was gonna hear of a case like that even before i joined this forum.

Sadly not unusual, not unheard for lots of men even without being on the spectrum.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

Ok, I'm really trying not to get my hopes up, but last weekend I happened to run into the first woman again at her work (she bar tends part time) and she seemed genuinely happy to see me and called my name when I walked in, so I went to talk to her.

She seemed glad to talk with me, and told me she might go out that night with a mutual friend and that if she did she would let me know. I didn't get a text from her, which I kind of expected, but then yesterday I decided to call her and see if she was available, since she seemed earnestly interested in person.

She ended up not being available, but invited me to go out with her and some friends in a couple weeks. So now I'm thoroughly confused, and am cautiously optimistic again.

Additionally, in the texts she sent recently, she added several heart emojis and some of the kissing lips. She's Greek, so I don't think it's necessarily flirtatious, but it's definitely not disinterest.

When she didn't message me back initially I thought that was her way of showing she wasn't interested, but now she's invited me out again. We'll see what happens.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

this sums it up perfectly, the older a person is and they have never been in a relationship before, the higher the risk, chances, odds, that person is male.

 

[Shamar]

Ok, I'm really trying not to get my hopes up, but last weekend I happened to run into the first woman again at her work (she bar tends part time) and she seemed genuinely happy to see me and called my name when I walked in, so I went to talk to her.

She seemed glad to talk with me, and told me she might go out that night with a mutual friend and that if she did she would let me know. I didn't get a text from her, which I kind of expected, but then yesterday I decided to call her and see if she was available, since she seemed earnestly interested in person.

She ended up not being available, but invited me to go out with her and some friends in a couple weeks. So now I'm thoroughly confused, and am cautiously optimistic again.

Additionally, in the texts she sent recently, she added several heart emojis and some of the kissing lips. She's Greek, so I don't think it's necessarily flirtatious, but it's definitely not disinterest.

When she didn't message me back initially I thought that was her way of showing she wasn't interested, but now she's invited me out again. We'll see what happens.

Keep us informed how it goes, but don't be too explicit. Good luck and don't push it. We are all rooting for you.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I can’t seem to meet anyone who wants to be with me. At this point I am beginning to think that maybe I should just give up altogether.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah, some things will never change

 

[AutistAcolyte]

Well, tonight's the night! I was planning to text her today to confirm, but she actually texted me last night, which I hope means she is excited I'll be there. She's Greek, and in her initial invite she sent two kiss emojis. I couldn't figure out if this was her flirting or just the common Greek cheek kisses, so I tried a little flirting: nothing crazy, but I sent her a heart and let her know that I'm very much looking forward to tonight.

It's another group outing, so not yet explicitly a "date," but I've been keeping a couple friends in the loop, and they've encouraged me to ask her out, which I'm planning on doing, depending on tonight's feeling.

Dressed up, putting on cologne, and hoping for the best!

I can’t seem to meet anyone who wants to be with me. At this point I am beginning to think that maybe I should just give up altogether.

I know how you feel. I'm working on my confidence, because right now I'm still finding myself trying to find reasons why she doesn't like me.

Something that's really helped my confidence is that I've started getting serious about working out. It's been about almost two months since I started, and I feel like I'm starting to notice that I like how I look more, and feel healthier in general, and both results have included psychological benefits as well.

It feels good to put in consistent work, and actually see some results!

 

[AutistAcolyte]

The dinner Tuesday night went well, there were four of us for food: myself and three women from my church. After dinner, one went home to her husband and the remaining three of us went to a nearby bar to continue the evening for a bit. We had some great conversation, and then ended the night.

I've read that touch is a common method of flirting, and it's something that i'm acutely aware of, and I don't generally initiate beyond a hug. I decided to try something new, so at the bar, once or twice I made an effort to work in a hand on her shoulder. We were also sitting much closer together, which was nice. At the end of the night we were talking about our plans for the next day, and she mentioned she would be bar tending, so I told her I would drop by.

I was debating asking her out, and decided I would feel weird doing that at her place of work, so when I went by I just asked her to lunch. She suggested this Sunday after church at a spot we both love, so I told her that works for me.

I'm planning on letting her know that I'm interested, but trying to figure out a way to phrase it that comes across naturally. It's also had me thinking about what I enjoy about her company. I think a simple, "I've enjoyed our conversations so far, and I want tell you that I'm feeling attracted to you for x y and z reasons."

I'm still working against my thoughts that tell me that she won't be interested and there's no point, and I think something that's helping is reminding myself that if I don't try, then I'll never know. And also, the other women I've expressed interest in who turned me down are still friends, so even if she doesn't feel the same, then the only downside is that I'll be uncomfortable for a bit when I think of her, but that will go away.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

Well, it turns out she's married.

She doesn't wear a ring, and I've never heard her talk about her husband. The friends I was talking with are all very surprised and are reassuring me that its not so much a rejection as a crazy miscommunication.

I understand that, but it's just reinforcing this awful feeling I'm fighting that I'll just continue to be single and watch all of my friends have children while everyone asks if I've been on any dates recently.

 

[FayetheAspie]

@AutistAcolyte She should have been honest about already being married from the start.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

@AutistAcolyte She should have been honest about already being married from the start.

Yes, I wish she had been a little more open about being married. It would have saved me a lot of time, but i don't believe she was hiding it maliciously.

I'll move on, and thankfully she's leaving the country for a month this week, so I can use that time to get over it and we can remain friends when she gets back.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I keep running out of matches on dating apps. They keep giving me matches that are just wrong for me and after five minutes, I get a message that there are no more matches and that I need to expand my search area. I’ve gone past 100 mi which is waaaaaaaaaaay more than I’m actually willing to travel to meet someone. I’m not driving three hours just to meet someone and find out we don’t click. Gas is expensive.

 

[Aspychata]

Wow, false advertising, l thought she was single. Like wasting your time, definitely. I get married men around me, and l feel sorry for their wife who cooks, cleans and has no idea that Bill is trying to hook up with random women. Alot of women stay in bad relationships. Just make sure to ask the next lady is she married?

 

[AutistAcolyte]

I keep running out of matches on dating apps.

Yeah, I tried dating apps, and I've decided I don't want to do that. I just end up getting depressed because I don't get matches.

Wow, false advertising, l thought she was single. Like wasting your time, definitely. I get married men around me, and l feel sorry for their wife who cooks, cleans and has no idea that Bill is trying to hook up with random women. Alot of women stay in bad relationships. Just make sure to ask the next lady is she married?

Yeah, I don't know how it didn't come up! There were definitely times she could've mentioned it, but what are you gonna do? In the end, we enjoy talking with each other, and she wants to stay friends. I'm hoping that this month while she's gone I can get over my feelings for her and we can just be friendly when she gets back.