Aspies with Mentally Different Partners

[ErinH]

I couldn't come up with the correct word for it, but what I mean is aspies with partners who are also not neurotypical.
My fiancé has schizophrenia for example. Of course, we have our relationship problems as we both demand a lot of attention and support from the other, and this can lead to some intense conflict. There is also an underlying feeling that either of us could become overwhelmed by our jobs at any moment and feel like there is no way out but to quit, leaving the other mentally different partner with all of the life responsibility (not the ideal situation for an aspie or any other mentally different person).
HOWEVER, and it's a big however, we have both struggled with these mental conditions our whole lives, and have learned so much from them, and our relationship is so beautiful because we have such deep empathy for the other. Not only that, but we have flexible minds, and are quickly able to learn new information about our own or the other's personalities, emotions, triggers etc. and adapt. We often have long, profound talks about our thoughts, feelings, psychology and the human condition in general, and I feel that our combination has led to some really important insight not just for us in particular but for people in general And I feel that I am finally unconditionally loved by someone, and that someone actually understands me!

 

[xudo]

We're both on the spectrum, so both neurodiverse. I have Asperger's and husband has atypical autism.

 

[Bolletje]

I have Asperger's, my boyfriend is, well, just different I've dubbed him a pathological philosopher because of his need to know the "why?" and "how?" of everything.

 

[Alaska]

It is wonderful that you and your boyfriend have found each other to be so supportive and that you share so much.

I do not have a partner now, but have dated guys who had different brain wiring also. One was Bipolar with triple cycles that were out of synch most of the time. He was in trouble when all three cycles occurred at the same time, either manic or depressive. I liked him a lot, but things did not work out for us. I never dated a schizophrenic for long, that I knew of.

It might be helpful for both of you to read up on each others diagnoses and then discuss what you learn together. I have had good experiences with this in the past. I found that some aspects of other people's different diagnoses can be difficult or impossible for me to deal with on a long term basis.

One thing that comes to mind for me about Schizophrenia is that it can mean that a person who has it will continue to get much worse over time, requiring hospitalization. I do not think this is always the case, but you should take it into consideration if it is with your boyfriend.

I hope things work out well for you.

 

[Keigan]

i was going to post something funny, though I might be the only one to laugh so I'll save it for another day.

Now that I am more aware of my Neurology, I look forward to the possibility of dating someone who is also neurodiverse.

For there might be possibility starting a relationship from different, not broken.

 

[Datura]

My partner has a few personality disorders. We are a rather neurotic pair, but with a lot of work I believe we have gone from enabling each other to genuinely supporting each other.

While it is important to share your grievances with your partner I think we took it to a point where we were just wallowing in each others despair and creating a loop of negativity. I came very close to breaking up, even though I love her. We reached the conclusion that we should exercise restraint with how much negativity we share and always plan something fun when we get together. Since then we have both made huge strides in our personal growth.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

My partner has a few personality disorders. We are a rather neurotic pair, but with a lot of work I believe we have gone from enabling each other to genuinely supporting each. While it is important to share your grievances with your partner I think we took it to a point where we were just wallowing in each others despair and creating a loop of negativity. I came very close to breaking up, even though I love her. We reached the conclusion that we should exercise restraint with how much negativity we share and always plan something fun when we get together. Since then we have both mad huge strides in our personal growth.

I use (for negativity loops) :
What's said can't be unsaid.
A trouble shared is a trouble doubled.

Alone time also works well