Aspies And Mistakes, Accepting Or Dismissing?

[Gomendosi]

In recent times I have noticed a distinct lack of people realizing they are wrong and doing something to rectify matters.

Should I or any other Aspie be wrong, the majority of us from what I have seen, will then take ownership and eat humble pie, as I believe an Aspie even realizes the value of being wrong.

You don’t even have to be wrong to own up to something and clear the air with others, even if you are mistaken, just backed the wrong play or jumped on the bandwagon with others so you could be seen as part of the group that seemed right. I see that happen a lot, people are easily swayed by the majority rather than think for themselves!






Are Aspies more prone to accept fault and own that, do you more often just shake it off as a lesson learned or do you actively divorce yourself from the event like as though you were never even associated?

 

[Axeman52]

I have always accepted my mistakes, but I used to have a very hard time shaking them off before I learned more about Aspergers and started to suspect that it might be a plausible explanation as to why I made certain mistakes that I made when interacting with other people.

I used to silently accept my mistakes, but still outwardly dismiss them, because I just felt too ashamed and embarrassed to be able to discuss them or think about them. Those feelings were just too overwhelming and could cause me to shut down if people even mentioned something silly I did. Even though I'm not officially diagnosed, I feel considerably less ashamed and embarrassed about those mistakes now, because the possibility of me having Aspergers provides a certain type of justification for mistakes I have made, and that makes it easier for me to accept my mistakes and learn from them.

Sorry if this is badly worded, It has taken me so long to figure out how to put this into words that I am now too tired to even check if it's coherent or not.. and it's 2:23am..

 

[Christy]

I think you're describing the idea of "saving face", that you would rather cover up or stay silent on an error than look bad in front of your peers.

I personally own up to my mistakes for a few different reasons. First, I've learnt that hiding it will lead to worse consequences when your mistake is finally uncovered and you've been found to not only be incorrect, but misleading too. Second, I feel bad within myself if I try and hide it. I feel a sense of shame that I have misled people unintentionally and I want to correct that. And third, I work hard to maintain my "NT mask", and I think the perception that I've misled people tarnishes that image. If it's the difference between a short term shame of "making a mistake" or the long term perception that I am a lier or arrogant, I will take the short term shame.

I honestly think this is one of the reasons I've struggled at work. In a cut throat NT environment, if you admit an error, you are forever suspected at doing it again. Every mistake from then on is accredited to you because it speaks to a pattern. I however think that no one is ever perfect, so if you admit when you do make a mistake, you should be trusted when you say you didn't make that one! It's the people that are "always right" that are to be suspected of covering things up.

 

[Axeman52]

I think you're describing the idea of "saving face", that you would rather cover up or stay silent on an error than look bad in front of your peers.

Thank you for this - I've been wondering what "saving face" means for a long time and was never able to work it out.

 

[Spiller]

Are Aspies more prone to accept fault and own that, do you more often just shake it off as a lesson learned or do you actively divorce yourself from the event like as though you were never even associated?

I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of lying, ignoring someone who needs help, taking more than my share.. I lied about self-harming all my life, always making up 'accidents'; I scripted/wore a mask at work for 30 years; I was unhappily married for 23 years and my (ex)wife didn't understand my need for alone time.
These things, along with isolation, caused a major burnout 18 months ago and now I can't work.
So this Aspie owns up every time; don't wanna go through that again!
I seem to remember a Baron-Cohen study actually, where it was found that ASD school kids were all vastly more uncomfortable with the concept of dishonesty than NT kids.

 

[Cali Cat]

I don't know about Aspies in general, but I try to be aware of my mistakes and own up to them. Usually, I'm glaringly aware of what I've done wrong, but sometimes it has to be pointed out to me.

I think a lot of people will rationalize and justify their position and won't even admit they're wrong when the evidence is in their face. I don't have that ability.