Aspie/NT Dating

[Shaye777]

I'm an aspie female......I've been talking to this amazing NT guy for about a month now (thru text, we met online and havent met in person yet). I've already told him that I have aspergers and hes totally fine with it and said he wants to learn more about it in order to understand me better. So, I'm looking for articles/videos that can help an NT guy in understanding/dating an aspie female better. Google hasn't really given me much actually.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Well consider this: all people with autism are different, no one will display the same selection of symptoms as the next. So what use would a video be in that regard as opposed to a tailored description of the person they're getting to know?

So who can provide such a detailed description of you? It's going to have to be you. You're going to have to be your own self-advocate in your relationship.

How do you go about doing that? There's lots of ways, you've stated some of them already, videos and articles. Books as well, there's plenty of them out there. You'll have to cherry pick what you think you display however.

One thing I've found to be particularly helpful when I was on my journey of "self discovery" was my old school annual reviews of my progress. They were very enlightening of how I behaved and what I struggle with. Some problems which are still somewhat residual.

You can't go about expecting to find a good close - or even loose - representation of you in a book. It just doesn't work like that. Even with Asperger's or autism. Relationships require work and they require good communication to understand what makes that person tick, their likes, dislikes, their behaviours. You're going to have to get there through a good few conversations. If your partner is worth your time and hassle, they'll stick around and listen to as much as one can expect from another.

 

[Nitro]

Hi Shaye777

 

[Autistamatic]

Hi @Shaye777 and welcome to the community

@Southern Discomfort is bang on. You'll never find a good generic explanation of autism that exactly covers your own personality and experience. Better to explain it yourself over time. There are plenty of good resources that are full of general information about autism, heck I even make them myself, but they can only give a broad overview and often, if made by autistic people, imbued with a personal element relating to the writer or content maker's personal experience.
If you were educating an employer, educator or just an acquaintance then I'd say "Watch my videos, read this blog, go to that charity website..." but you're not. This is somebody you're fond of and are trying to form a relationship with.
If you DO really want to recommend anything to him, then make sure you watch or read it yourself first so you know that it's representative of YOU, or at least be able to say "This describes me well except for XXXXXX"
If you want some links to videos or blogs/articles that might be useful, I'll happily provide you with some, but do check them out first before you pass them on

 

[tree]

 

[Tom]

I've been in a 'mixed marriage' so-to-speak for 33 years. In this case, my wife is the NT. And its complicated. All I can say easily is spend as much time trying to understand the NT perspective as you expect him to understand the ASD one. I find the answers often lie somewhere in the middle.

 

[Fino]

Sorry to be a wet duck over here (is that a real expression? if not, it should be), but they'll say they're fine with anything in the beginning, usually having no clue what it is.

"Oh, you've murdered before? No problem, I like aggressive types "

 

[Monachopia]

There are common traits that we will share - though in varying degrees. It might be worth exploring those on your own to try to explain to him when they come up how you personally experience them. It probably would be a bit scary to unload the entire 'generic' Aspie experience on someone who might not know much about it, but gradual introduction might work best.
I've been with an NT man for a very long time and understanding does go both ways as Tom said. My partner does things his way and I do things my way, but we work in harmony somehow regardless of that because we took the time to understand each other.

 

[Yamahaha]

Hi! I'm very new here and scanning through relevant posts. It's all good for me.liking the site a lot. Going through some intense stuff atm, I can relate to a lot of the comments. Wise words and good advice. Funny and accurate.kind and considered.