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Aspie Humour (example)

So, at our last local ASAN meeting...we have to introduce ourselves and the pronoun(s) we would like to be used for us...

I'm Flinty, and I would like to be addressed as "you". There is no need to care about a third-person pronoun, because if you're addressing me in the third person, you are either insulting me by using the third person in my presence, or I am absent and thus don't know or care what you're saying.
 
Helium walks into a bar.
The barman says he is not going to serve him because he is an ugly *%$#
Helium doesn't react.
 
Man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

Barman says 'where did you get that?'

Parrot replies ' oh, they're walking about all over the place'
 
I have a different version to Tachyon's joke.

Heisenberg, Einstein & Schrodinger are driving home after a meeting on the Copenhagen Interpretation.
The car gets stopped and pulled over by a traffic cop.

The cop says - "do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies - "No, but I know exactly where I am" :)

The cop says you were doing 65 in a 30 limit. Heisenberg throws up his hands in despair and says "Great, now I'm lost" :)

The cop asks Heisenberg to pop open the boot of the car and looks inside.

The cop says "Hey, do you know you have a dead cat in the boot ?"
Schrodinger replies "Well, we do now" :D
 
ems said:
This is a perfect example of what I can laugh at EVERY time I look at it!
Click to expand...

Engrish is great.

5ubLGbn.jpg
 
I have a picture that I think is funny: (refers only to Mission Control Center in Houston)
Houston-we-have-a-problem.jpg
 
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I walked into I diner one time, real hungry looking for something to eat. I asked the waitress for a bowl of chili. She says that fella a couple spots down from you got the last bowl. I look at the guy and he's just sitting there not eating it. I ask "Hey pal, are you going to eat that?"
"No, I decided I don't want it. You can have it if you want."
I thank him and take the bowl. I start chowing down as I am really hungry. I get to the bottom and find out there is a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Absolutely disgusted I puked all the chili back into the bowl.
The fella a couple of spots over says "Yup... that's about as far as I got."
 
I just saw a post that was pretty funny a few minutes ago:

"When coral gets stressed out, it dies. So if I were coral, I'd be dead."
"What does coral get stressed about?"
"Current events".

But I'm still kind of wondering if the joke is that "current" events is a pun on the ocean's currents, or that coral is stressed out about the same things that are currently stressing me out, like climate change and global warming.
 
A guy greets another guy by saying "How do you do?":)
The other guy says "How do I do what?":confused:
First guy says, "No, I mean, how do you find yourself?"o_O
The other guy says "That's silly, I never lose myself.":D
The first guy, getting annoyed, says, "Listen dummy, I just wanna know you feel!":mad:
The other says, "With my fingers. And you're calling *me* a dummy?":p
 
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