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Asperger's Autism and kindness

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by TopherPwn, Feb 23, 2020.

  1. TopherPwn

    TopherPwn Active Member

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    I'm just wondering is it normal for us to be overwhelmingly kind and trusting. It's almost like I'd addicted to being kind. Is this normal? It's be cool to find some caring people who don't just attempt to manipulate or use you. I've seen some people speak of it. I kinda want to give myself hope, but part of me is worried. Also does anyone have problems with people misunderstanding them? It's almost like I think to deep and it comes out to blunt. Also my last few girlfriends told me it took them about 6 months to actually understand me. Then they told me I seem regal. Not sure what they meant by it, but it was odd to hear it twice. I do plan on getting a book called "
    Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate: A User Guide to an Asperger Life.

    Have a nice week!
     
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  2. Joel's Hear

    Joel's Hear Really high protector of Scotland

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    Socializing has always been the bane of my existence. I've been taken advantage of numerous times because of being overly naive. I now err sometimes on the side of caution and keep in peak physical shape to keep people from trying to flex on me.
     
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  3. TopherPwn

    TopherPwn Active Member

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    To be honest I would save the life of someone who tried to
    Yeah, I am not in shape, but I'm naturally big. People only try to flex when they realize I try to avoid violence. I'll protect my friends with everything I got, but I tend to not take up for myself. I truly don't care about whatever they think they're finessing on. I'm just worried about being kind. I was considering meeting other people on the spectrum. Guess I'm just worried to be honest.
     
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  4. Dan Dan

    Dan Dan Im a dog person!

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    I love to be kind and helpful and will go out of my way to please people. I was never sure if being autistic is what makes me this way or not but after reading into it, it appears that kindness is a very common trait with us. When asked to do favours I would say yes before I'd even heard what it was. Unfortunately I am also extremely naive and have been taken advantage of many times. In 2012 lent my friends brother a substantial amount of money to start up his "gardening business" and haven't seen him since. I'm also a sucker fo a damsel in distress and often find myself as assembling flat pack or moving something heavy for one of my sisters friends.
    The past year I've started to be less trusting of people who ask favours of me. I'd ask myself whether or not they actually need my help or is it something they can do themselves but just can't be bothered. I'd also ask myself if they would do the same for me and mostly I'd say not.
    I often find people come to me with emotional problems which for some reason I'm very good at solving. Perhaps it's my blunt approach to situations, I don't know. But I love making people who are feeling sad, laugh and smile.
     
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  5. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi this is my first day on this forum, i am a female with a late diagnosis, my whole career profile has been working in the care industry providing support for people with learning difficulties and or ASD for irony of understanding their wants/needs and being able to make reasonable adjustments for deficits within the triad of impairments is not without irony as is my skills in these areas for others that i continue to be unable to get for myself.
    Yes i have a extrovert nature yes i want a decent paid job and a positive belief in myself but employers inability to make adjustments for my Autism and the social nature of my employment of choice creates anxiety and regular bouts of depression unlike my Aspie boyfriend of is introvert by nature, and has had regular success employment wise in the IT field
     
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  6. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Kindness? It is so common for me to stick my foot in my mouth that I have no desire to stir up additional, unnecessary conflict on purpose.

    Trust? I give every new person that I meet a guarded level of trust to begin with and see how they handle it over time. Some people are discernible frauds from the outset, but most people are not.
     
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  7. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    I was probably in my 30s before I got so I could see when somebody was a user (not drug user - user of other people).

    I have great sales resistance and that includes saying 'no' to people who want me to volunteer for something. Having burned out too many times to count, I learned to head those suggestions off at the pass.
     
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  8. VAW

    VAW Active Member

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    I think it is wonderful that you like to be kind. So many people out in the world only care about themselves. I try to always be kind and help anyone who needs help. BUT...there Is a fine line between helping people who need help and being used by people.
     
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  9. Rasputin

    Rasputin ASD / Aspie V.I.P Member

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    I used to be like this a long time ago. Now it is very difficult for someone to earn my trust. I am very sensitive to actions to undermine me or my family or to attempt to coerce me into compromising my integrity. If either of these actions occur a "fight or flight" reaction occurs.

    I recall being bullied in junior high, and became obsessed with weightlifting. It was not long before bullies left me alone.
     
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  10. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    I find I'm instinctively helpful. Over the years this has attracted a lot of users. Or what you do as a nicety starts to become expected.

    I think the way I look initially puts some people off, but when they see that I'm friendly and polite it can win them over. Problem is, certain types of people see that I'm nice, but also rather naive and not very confident in a lot of ways - which is when I start to get walked all over.

    Rather than say something, it just builds up inside - silently.

    If I'm having bad days I'll be extremely quiet. People will often comment on it when they notice how quiet I am. Little do they know when I'm at my quietest my internal thoughts are at their loudest/busiest. I can also go from being very energised and extrovert to silent and introvert and upset at the drop of a hat. The rhyme or reason behind it can be illogical - even to myself.

    "Why aren't you feeling good?" is a question i've been asked countless times. If only the answer was something tangible or easy to understand, then maybe I wouldn't be so prone to these extreme peaks and troughs of emotions.

    One thing I noticed was helping people makes you feel nice inside. It's also easier than helping yourself. But sometimes I help people too readily, or to a level of excess where I end up taking from myself to provide for others. Whilst this can be maintained on a short term basis, I often spread myself too thin and wound up miserable whilst trying to make other's happy - at my expense.

    Ed
     
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  11. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Sometimes, helping another person actually hurts them over the long haul. "Tough love" is part of my repertoire, but it is not appropriate in every situation, either.
     
  12. TopherPwn

    TopherPwn Active Member

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    I can understand that as a late person myself I masked and adapted to my own best doing. I'm slightly more of an introvert, but I enjoy extroverted activities too. I'm an infj/enfj which I guess I hit it in the middle. I've been considering jobs I can own the business. So you can control your environment and follow something you could enjoy. I've been down for years to cancer, which I beat last month. Although I felt the same way. I had the same depression too. Have you considered options for retraining or creating your own environment? You could also look for jobs that supports the strength of an asd person?
    ,
     
  13. TopherPwn

    TopherPwn Active Member

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    Yeah it's not that things aren't good, but you're going through different processing of the situation to determine your next action. Yeah I feel good helping people, but I will put my foot down. If someone does me wrong I tend to forgive it. Sometimes it make time, but I will try and avoid ending up in that situation again.
     
  14. TopherPwn

    TopherPwn Active Member

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    True, but sometimes teaching someone love is the best thing for them. If no one is good, no one is good. I like to lead by example. Although I always let fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. If I can't help someone I can't. If they let that get in the way of our friendship. They'll have to get over it. Avoid getting into that a bad position.
     
  15. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi thanks for the response i am currently looking for solutions to a life time in a industry that have strong social/communication needs so yes i still have to work for another 10 years and need to be brave and find a job or as you say a small buissness where i have more autonomy.