Aspergers and your Relationship

[King_Oni]

Divorce rates are climbing all the time, and the number of Aspies in these figures, wouldnt even rate. Long term relationships ships are hard work and the NT world are having just as many problems as us. The clear difference is when you have a diagnosis of a condition, its very easy to assume thats why a relationship is failing. We may have issues communicating and supporting our partners, in the way they want, but obviously so is does the rest of society. It really comes down to what each of us wants out of our relationship and communicating those wants. Unfortunately a diagnosis is a convenient excuse for not working at things sometimes. And that goes both ways

So essentially what it comes down to, is that (presumably) too many people go with a single approach that might work to some extent for a lot of people, but clearly not all people. Just because in your previous relationship, or your friends relationship, it worked out so fine. Perhaps some people are way too rigorous in their problem solving skills when it comes to relationships... and they call us aspies rigid thinkers...

 

[Turk]

So essentially what it comes down to, is that (presumably) too many people go with a single approach that might work to some extent for a lot of people, but clearly not all people. Just because in your previous relationship, or your friends relationship, it worked out so fine. Perhaps some people are way too rigorous in their problem solving skills when it comes to relationships... and they call us aspies rigid thinkers...

Id have to agree 100% with that statement. People's assumptions and expections are unrealistic to a degree. The ammount of influence from TV or Movies have only skewed this expectation further. And yes Oni, the irony of us being the rigid thinkers, wasnt lost on me either. The human condition is flawed as it is, without dragging us into the arguement

 

[kmom2014]

Divorce rates are climbing all the time, and the number of Aspies in these figures, wouldnt even rate. Long term relationships ships are hard work and the NT world are having just as many problems as us. The clear difference is when you have a diagnosis of a condition, its very easy to assume thats why a relationship is failing. We may have issues communicating and supporting our partners, in the way they want, but obviously so is does the rest of society. It really comes down to what each of us wants out of our relationship and communicating those wants. Unfortunately a diagnosis is a convenient excuse for not working at things sometimes. And that goes both ways

I agree that having a disorder or syndrome makes it easy to blame problems on that but in most relationships it isn't just one partner that has some sort of issue. We may have more issues but the other person isn't a saint. I know there are things my husband does that aren't perfect but for someone who deals with me I think he does a pretty good job for the most part. It is me with my multiple diagnoses that causes a lot of problems but since I have gotten on the proper meds it has helped a lot. I think it actually helps us knowing what I deal with. If we didn't know I had an anxiety disorder then me not wanting to travel would look like I just didn't want to go. If we didn't know I have OCD then the horrific thoughts I get would just mean I'm crazy. And as for AS I haven't been diagnosed but I relate to it so much that I think it explains a lot of the "personality problems" I have. So if I get the diagnosis then I will just have that as back up and while it may not always be an excuse for something it is the reason for a lot of things. I think he can be somewhat understanding to that.

 

[tlc]

I was with someone for 8 years and married for 6 of those, and while it was partially flawed, had I known about AS it may have helped.

#1 being the oversensitivity to light, sound, touch, smell. She would take it so personal when she would touch me out of the blue and I'd jump, and why I would sleep with clothes on. And the earsplitting sound of hastily crashing pans in the kitchen. And how I preferred to keep the bright sun out. And the smells and chaos of constantly bringing more animals into the house.

#2 being how it seems to be an aspie trait that we can't remember too many things at once and don't always hear everything the first time. She always thought I flat out wasn't listening and didn't care. I was always insisting "ok, one thing at a time".

#3 I didn't act head over heels in love and don't think I ever could even though she was one of the few I did love.

#4 aspie or not I had my interests that I wanted to use some of my own time for once in awhile, and also kept things most throw out because I know the reality of hitting lean times.

 

[AspieSam]

Judge - it's a label. But, our different brain language can and does sometimes effect our judgement, like Turk I believe said earlier.

 

[Rich Cook]

Family refused to acknowledge it exists. Even though many of them were symptomatic. Including my Father.

 

[Kelly]

I've been married for nearly 10 years now, my husband accepts all my 'quirks' even before diagnosis he never had a problem with them it was just part of me. He has his own issues and quirks (we think he may have AS as well) but I accept and love him as a whole he wouldn't be him without all his little differences. Before I was diagnosed (and before either of us knew about AS) he used to get on my case about why I would totally lose it and then cry (meltdown) over the most random seemingly unimportant things. I didn't understand it but since learning of AS, I now recognize that I'm not having a meltdown over spilling my drink all over myself...it's the last straw in a whole day of sensory problems as well as other stressful things, he's much more understanding of it now and encourages me to go calm down before I get to the point of no return and go into a full meltdown.

He was fine with my issues with touch, I don't like to be touched over my clothes, I hate being lightly touched, things like that he just accepted and adapted and now we know it's a sensory thing he's extra careful.

Throw in our little girl who is also an aspie and we have a house full of quirks and rituals and routines and ways of doing things that would seem bizarre to a NT.

 

[ChildoftheCorn]

Throw in our little girl who is also an aspie and we have a house full of quirks and rituals and routines and ways of doing things that would seem bizarre to a NT.

Same here. I'm the only one with a diagnosis, but I suspect my husband and daughter are, too. The rest of the world might find us a bit odd, but we are happy being us.

 

[Jordan]

Same here. I'm the only one with a diagnosis, but I suspect my husband and daughter are, too. The rest of the world might find us a bit odd, but we are happy being us.

I often make little to no friends because of the social difficulties that I have. NTs may see that I am fine, but in my world everything seems different.

And I agree, I am happy being an aspie, although society labels us, it's an explanation as to why aspies have certain social traits.

I have so many difficulties with relationships, I often get scared meeting up with someone and completely messing a date up. And what would seem to an NT as a normal thing to do on a daily basis, it's really hard for an aspie to adjust to the surroundings and we often get nervous in those sorts of situations.