Aspergers and self esteem

[Duane Wyatt]

Everyone please forgive me for my aspie induced obsession with the obscure language that is morse code. But, I read postings here that we aspies may suffer from low self esteem. Besides being addicting fun, challenging, safe and stress diverting--- morse ccommunication is impressive to watch, it is a way of talking that others cannot do. My friend, Zachary, is seventeen and his at risk life was changed by the marvelous mode of communication called morse code. Simply google search for : dots and dashes----Zachary Barnum for the newspaper article telling about it.
Once again, google search for: duane wyatt's home station video and you will see me operating my amateur radio and demonstrating both voice and morse communication.

 

[killa.luna]

If my self-esteem is lower, what I have to do? When I try to up self-esteem people hurt me with suggestions. It's worst. I'm scare of people knowing my weakness.

 

[Duane Wyatt]

It is complicated, but the school system is partly to blame for some aspies feeling down on themselves. Life is stressful for all of us and the school administration should set aside Friday afternoons for computer information about all the healthy, wholesome hobbies that are available to try, become good at and feel good about to relieve some of our stress. Then, after the student expresses an interest in a hobby, the school administration should do all he/she can do to make the interest a reality.

 

[Beverly]

Hobbies are great but, they aren't the only way to build self esteem. Any recognized success does that and, it would help young people, especially those with ASD if they had more opportunities to succeed and have that success recognized.

I've been very fortunate to be able to make a career of my biggest passion but that didn't happen until I left home. My self esteem was terrible due to being ignored, bullied or told I wasn't good enough consistently as a child and teen. That changed when I was able to succeed at something I loved and, learned I could make a rewarding career of that success.

Naturally as my self esteem and confidence improved, so did my talent and, career. In a few years, the shame and self loathing I knew as a youth was all but forgotten, I forgot I wasn't normal - well okay I knew I was weird but, a good kind of weird that I like being. I didn't figure out I was an Aspie until eight years ago, then it was "Oh so that explains the weirdness - cool."

Morse code isn't my thing but, if your efforts help even one of us succeed, gain a bit of self esteem then, you have done more than many therapists have done for us in a lifetime of trying to help us.

 

[Duane Wyatt]

Yes, so wise and true

 

[Datura]

Self esteem has been elusive for me, especially as of late.

Following my sick leave I went back to work but was sent home a few days later. They wanted me to get some more rest (I've had plenty, thank you) and come back to them with a doctor's note stating I would be capable of carrying out my duties. I had the opportunity to read the letter they sent to my GP just the other day. In it they described my inability to follow multiple spoken directives, difficulty shifting focus, and even my tendency toward pacing.

I have always had these characteristics and have tried to remedy them, but to no avail. Also; the first two are quite valid concerns for any employer. How can I be employable if I can't follow simple directions?

I am so frustrated with myself. I feel useless, and stupid. I know I am burgeoning with untapped potential and yet these handicaps (for lack of a better word) are holding me back.

On the bright side; I am much closer to receiving some kind of formal diagnosis that will hopefully lead to viable treatment options. The letter I spoke of earlier will certainly help in this regard. I am 99% sure I have ADD and about 40% sure I am on the spectrum. This is not to say that diagnosis will help my self esteem, just that it may lead me toward strategies that will help me live life in a way I can be more proud of.

 

[Progster]

It's a sad thing that an ASD diagnosis is often accompanied by the assumption that the person has a disability and won't be able to achieve the same milestones in life as those without the disability. Too much emphasis is place on developing social skills that NT parents often find so important, then that person is not encouraged to explore their natural talents. People with ASD need encouragement, not to be told that they can't do X,Yand Z because they have what others regard as a disability.

One way I've gained self-esteem is by learning languages, because it was one thing I was always very good at and encouraged to do.

 

[royinpink]

I had the opportunity to read the letter they sent to my GP just the other day. In it they described my inability to follow multiple spoken directives, difficulty shifting focus, and even my tendency toward pacing.

I have always had these characteristics and have tried to remedy them, but to no avail. Also; the first two are quite valid concerns for any employer. How can I be employable if I can't follow simple directions?

!! This is so frustrating. The characteristics they listed are definitely ASD traits, and they are things that can be accommodated for under disability if you need the legal protection, or with an understanding employer, just explain your needs like, "I'm the sort of person who needs instructions written down. Then I have no problems processing them all." It is not so hard to accommodate those things, and they definitely don't make you unemployable!! They just need a few tweaks in how people communicate with you, that's all. As for pacing, I'd explain that it helps you focus and be productive (as opposed to being indicative of mental breakdown or whatever they may be thinking), however weird it might seem to them, and they may be ok with it. For difficulty shifting focus...again it's best to have a set plan, broken down into steps, so you know how the day is going to progress, and have them inform you of any changes by email or sticky note rather than just popping in unannounced with new stuff. But that depends on the kind of work you do. For some jobs it's easier to work around than others.

Also, your employer is very observant... But I'm guessing the focus is on you due to your leave and they want to be sure that your focusing/processing problems aren't due to psychological stress. If you can clear that up, hopefully things will work out. Wishing the best for you!

 

[Duane Wyatt]

I wish that a membercould help you with this I was self employed so my aspie was not the problem you face.

 

[Datura]

!! This is so frustrating. The characteristics they listed are definitely ASD traits, and they are things that can be accommodated for under disability if you need the legal protection, or with an understanding employer, just explain your needs like, "I'm the sort of person who needs instructions written down. Then I have no problems processing them all." It is not so hard to accommodate those things, and they definitely don't make you unemployable!! They just need a few tweaks in how people communicate with you, that's all. As for pacing, I'd explain that it helps you focus and be productive (as opposed to being indicative of mental breakdown or whatever they may be thinking), however weird it might seem to them, and they may be ok with it. For difficulty shifting focus...again it's best to have a set plan, broken down into steps, so you know how the day is going to progress, and have them inform you of any changes by email or sticky note rather than just popping in unannounced with new stuff. But that depends on the kind of work you do. For some jobs it's easier to work around than others.

Also, your employer is very observant... But I'm guessing the focus is on you due to your leave and they want to be sure that your focusing/processing problems aren't due to psychological stress. If you can clear that up, hopefully things will work out. Wishing the best for you!

The sticking point is that HR requires a letter clearing me to work and the requirements are quite stringent. This is largely due to the fact that as a support worker I work with vulnerable people.
It would be great if I could be given some accommodations, but I don't see that happening without a diagnosis. I have asked for written instructions in the past, as well as more clear scheduling, but they were not forthcoming. My team leader likes to run things in a vary "fluid" fashion with plans frequently being adjusted on the fly. This is great for flexibility, but is short term memory intensive. It also means that I have a great deal of responsibility in making decisions, which is fine with me, save that my priorities and values are not always aligned with my team leader, so again, things need to be spelled out more clearly.

 

[pax]

Op, you might like this.