Is that so Crossbreed... very interesting. Thanks! I can see how getting to know your wife well as friends first was helpful.
Well, still haven't had the courage to tell him. Somebody responded above to steer clear of too grandious stuff.. got me thinking.. if you were hanging out with a girl or walking by or something.. and she scribbled down something and gave to you and it said something like "just want to tell you I think you are gorgeous" how would you react to that? Would it be a definete "dont know what is expecteted of me or what to do, best not to anything"... or would you actually approach her and/or try to initiate something with her after that? That is, if the girl was someone you had had interest in and some looks, smiling etc prior to this but didn't know or were confused about if she liked you in that way? Would something like that be enough or would it still be too unclear/confusing?
Sorry, last question, promise
I have a friend, he is generally terrified of women and has said he would hide if he was at a singles event with a lot of women ... and has gone so far as to tell me too many women are all ugly and over-sexed. I was rather over-whelmed by that comment, but on more reflection and having read many posts here, realized that this comment was likely more about the inability to read intent, to have made some faulty decisions on what to act on in the past and the inevitable rejection that followed.
He said he has "standards" concerning the women he will date ... again, very specific views of what the appearance is of the woman he would date ... he has thought he has found the perfect woman a couple of times, based solely on appearance and a couple of dates. I have been suspicious that this appearance based decision making has come about due his last failed relationship; wherein a very attractive woman left him after a lengthy relationship ... and he cannot understand yet what happened. As a result, he wants to replace that person in his life with someone similar? Perhaps someone can comment on this.
But I know, meanwhile ... that he would need a very special kind of woman, with a special kind of nature, to nurture a relationship since these rigid thoughts are in his head and I am not sure that they can be overcome ...
As a result, in answer to your question, you will have to do some detective work, patiently, as a friend. It will become apparent to you as a friend what he thinks of his past, his future and his desires. Your romantic intentions would likely be best kept under wraps.
I wish I could tell you whether starting a friendship with your love interest could move into a romantic relationship or not.
Maybe someone here could comment on this ... in the NT world, many many wonderful relationships have started out with people who were friends first and who didn't see each other as sexual partners, but in time the love developed. Would this Aspie man be able to connect the dots with you over time ... and start to see you as a love interest, even if you started out as friends?
I would not worry about you being attractive enough, or enough of anything ... just being confident, patient and kind is "enough" ... you have to decide if he's enough for you ... overtime ... if you proceed.
