Follow-up to this thread thanks especially to @Judge, @Tom, @MrSpock, and @AloneNotLonely for their responses.
My ex-boyfriend and I last spoke in April. In the conversation, he expressed doubts about our relationship. I was hurt and I responded by saying that I didn't know what else there was to talk about if he was so unsure. Then I assume that he had an emotional shutdown because:
- he didn't answer when I tried to call him twice
- he sent me a breakup email asking to be friends
- I emailed a gentle reply to say that I couldn't ignore my feelings and maintain a friendship
- he replied again to say that, if not a friendship, he would still like occasional updates from me
He has not heard from me for exactly four months now. His latest email expresses how much he misses me, thinks about me every day, and wants to hear my voice. After much thought, I replied to ask him to be straightforward about what he really wants from me.
His email was all about his feelings. He seems to have no concept of how much he hurt me. His feelings always came first in our relationship - I always, always, conceded to his needs - and to read his latest email has caused me pain. I always felt that he never understood my feelings because he never prioritised my emotional needs. I tried so many ways to explain to him what I needed from him and the compromises I was willing to accept, all the while careful of not hurting his feelings, because he would shutdown if he misinterpreted my requests as criticism. It was exhausting to always suppress my feelings to make him happy - to be dumped so suddenly was a shock to experience.
I still love this man dearly and I wish that he was able to love me back. I would greatly appreciate feedback from anyone who can relate to my situation. I don't expect to read his mind, however I hope to hear similar stories so as to identify possible themes. Thank you all.
My ex-boyfriend and I last spoke in April. In the conversation, he expressed doubts about our relationship. I was hurt and I responded by saying that I didn't know what else there was to talk about if he was so unsure. Then I assume that he had an emotional shutdown because:
- he didn't answer when I tried to call him twice
- he sent me a breakup email asking to be friends
- I emailed a gentle reply to say that I couldn't ignore my feelings and maintain a friendship
- he replied again to say that, if not a friendship, he would still like occasional updates from me
He has not heard from me for exactly four months now. His latest email expresses how much he misses me, thinks about me every day, and wants to hear my voice. After much thought, I replied to ask him to be straightforward about what he really wants from me.
His email was all about his feelings. He seems to have no concept of how much he hurt me. His feelings always came first in our relationship - I always, always, conceded to his needs - and to read his latest email has caused me pain. I always felt that he never understood my feelings because he never prioritised my emotional needs. I tried so many ways to explain to him what I needed from him and the compromises I was willing to accept, all the while careful of not hurting his feelings, because he would shutdown if he misinterpreted my requests as criticism. It was exhausting to always suppress my feelings to make him happy - to be dumped so suddenly was a shock to experience.
I still love this man dearly and I wish that he was able to love me back. I would greatly appreciate feedback from anyone who can relate to my situation. I don't expect to read his mind, however I hope to hear similar stories so as to identify possible themes. Thank you all.
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