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Are you understood?

A lot of you guys I could easily see being friends with if we meet in person, looking back in my life virtually all my friends were on the spectrum, including my closest friend my one younger brother who I have never seen other friends hang with him.
 
There’s a difference between feeling a connection and have another person completely understand you.

I have had connections many times, especially in my work with the dying and disabled.

But to have another person really understand me, probably just one. Maybe.
 
WhitewaterWoman said:
There’s a difference between feeling a connection and have another person completely understand you.

I have had connections many times, especially in my work with the dying and disabled.

But to have another person really understand me, probably just one. Maybe.
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Good point. That perhaps more often than not, those we sense a connection to can be mutually exclusive from those few who may truly understand us.

It still bewilders me to think I had multiple relationships with women who had very little in common with me, yet never understood me. Then again all those relationships ultimately failed.
 
I very much doubt that anybody ever really understands me. At best, they understand a part of me here, and a part of me there.

This is OK because I don't understand more than bits and pieces of other people either.

Sometimes I think I do, but I'm always wrong.

When others think they understand me completely they are also always wrong, and for the same reason - they imagine that I am doing something intentionally when, in fact, it's just a brain fart.
 
@TBRS1 , exactly, l seem to be in this exact path with my mom, my brother too. Yet my girlfriends seems to figure me out once the drop their misconceptions of me. People seem to have a lot of misconceptions about me, and that's a struggle.
 
I suppose at times it's best for those of us on the spectrum to keep this in perspective. That in general, who is apt to know us more than our own kin ? That perhaps in most cases it really is this simple.

Sadly that maybe some of them really do understand us, which is why in their minds they seem to hate us.

"familiarity breeds contempt"

Phrase:
  1. The more acquainted one becomes with a person, the more one knows about his or her shortcomings and, hence, the easier it is to dislike that person.
 
I asked this question today to my 4 female NT colleagues, and they all said that they dont feel that anyone fully understands them. Puts things in perspective. 3 of them are married with kids, 1 is divorced with a kid as well.
 
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But is it a sin if we don't get somebody. It's not my job to understand you, or them and so on. Nor is it my job to make you understand me, sometimes l don't even get me, but that's okay too.
 
Tired said:
I asked this question today to my 4 female NT colleagues, and they all said that they dont feel that anyone fully understands them. Puts things in some perspective. 3 of them are married with kids, 1 is divorced with a kid as well.
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I also was about to write that not being understood by others is rather universal, so I wouldn't get my hopes up too high that NT people feel understood.
 
I’m alone, on an island. Surrounded by people but painfully alone. Misunderstood by laymen and misdiagnosed by professionals. Wanting everything I can see, but it’s all just outside my grasp.

It’s exhausting.
 
Perhaps the most disturbing factor here for me is the futility of expecting people who consider themselves rational to respond to logic.
 
Found that out yesterday wifes buddy was over having thanksgiving dinner with us Logic is not her strong point very bright woman crazy ideas, poor education. Still good friends.
 
Shevek said:
Perhaps the most disturbing factor here for me is the futility of expecting people who consider themselves rational to respond to logic.
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sometimes two opposing (or just wildly different) sides are both using logic...

It's just that their knowledge set, values, and beliefs (all of those can be part of a logical equation or thought process) are wildly different...leading each person to see the other as "illogical" despite each of them actually applying perfectly sound logic within the limits of their respective data set
 
the_tortoise said:
sometimes two opposing (or just wildly different) sides are both using logic...

It's just that their knowledge set, values, and beliefs (all of those can be part of a logical equation or thought process) are wildly different...leading each person to see the other as "illogical" despite each of them actually applying perfectly sound logic within the limits of their respective data set
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I think that Ma Nature always wants to have some optimistic, cooperative people around to expand the community in good times, and some greedy, xenophobic people around to survive in times of trouble, still carrying the genes for both modes. At conception, the genetic lottery sets not only our physical characteristics, but also our range of liberal vs conservative opinions. As with bisexuals, a few people can go either way, and those can be swayed by logic, which makes it seem that with better arguments, anyone can change. However, most people think that their own bias is unquestionable, so obvious that it does not need to be stated. That presumption then short-circuits any processing of facts or logic that might prove otherwise.
 
No, not at all. And it always seems to push people away.

Which is exactly why I'm glad for it. As time goes on, people in general show themselves to be worse and worse, and I want less and less to deal with them in any capacity. Outside of immediate family, of course.

Not sure what else to say about it.
 
Shevek said:
How many people do you think understand you? How about your work? Maybe just one special interest, but no other areas, or other limited understanding. If anyone "gets you," are they relatives, friends, teachers, co-workers or? Do you get to brainstorm on your interests with others?
I'll start - All zeros.
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No one. I do have a friend who is autistic like me and understands my autism. No one else understands me though or any of my interests. Always alone.
 
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