Are you Childfree?

[Hollow Horse]

Okay try this.

When I was almost a teen I looked at the big world around me and could never imagine being a parent.

Then came the realisation that I had neither the inclination or skills required.

Further down the line I considered that when somebody dies it creates misery for a lot of people, those who are left behind.

So if I create life, I create death. I am giving someone a death sentence.

I do not subscribe to that.

As Ann Elk said, that is the theory that I have... and it's mine.

 

[Tom]

I heard there is only one way to make absolutely sure you don't have kids. You must travel to the South Pole and tell the Stork Queen, in person, to add you to the 'No Deliveries' list.

 

[Hollow Horse]

I heard there is only one way to make absolutely sure you don't have kids. You must travel to the South Pole and tell the Stork Queen, in person, to add you to the 'No Deliveries' list.

Don't children come from eBay? Or is it the Amazon?

 

[GrownupGirl]

Definitely. I can't understand how in this day an age a woman's worth is only determined by her squeezing an infant out between her legs, while my art and crafting skills seen as worthless and a waste time.

Well, most people I know don't seem to think my skills are worthless. I've actually gotten a lot a praise for them.
But the world in general...

 

[Jojo_LB]

Too many people are quick to judge each other on their choices with absolutely no bases for doing so. Yes, folks on either side of the argument should certainly be criticized for multiple things, but they're usually things like being irrational and judgmental of each other for no good reason.

I have an 11-year old. She was not planned. I was 24 when I had her and before I found out I was pregnant, I was on the fence about having children.

I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to have the baby. But I was glad I did, of course. No regrets at all. It is tough, as someone with autism and ADHD, to raise someone who has ADHD. But we manage as best as we can.

I am in no huge rush to have another child. I am not by nature maternal. I haven't ever really learned to be maternal, but I love my child very much, obviously, and we have a pretty good relationship.

My husband, who is not the biological dad of my daughter, is on the fence right now. He has no biological children of his own. While we do desire to have one together, we also see the potential problems of having another child.

I hate how contentious this whole debate is between child-free folks and those who are parents, or those who want to be. It shouldn't even be a debate. I hear the pro-having children side accusing child-free folks of being "selfish", which is absolutely ridiculous, and being so sure that child-free folks will feel emptiness and regret about not having kids. As if they know how anyone feels about anything. But I've also heard child-free folks say some pretty crappy, judgmental things about those of us who are parents, like that our lives are boring and we're unhappy and miserable, and that we just envy them because they're child-free. As if they know how anyone feels about anything.

I've successfully stayed out of it. I really never have been able to get people. They tend to do so many mindless, nonsensical things. *shrug*

 

[Progster]

I hate how contentious this whole debate is between child-free folks and those who are parents, or those who want to be. It shouldn't even be a debate. I hear the pro-having children side accusing child-free folks of being "selfish", which is absolutely ridiculous, and being so sure that child-free folks will feel emptiness and regret about not having kids. As if they know how anyone feels about anything. But I've also heard child-free folks say some pretty crappy, judgmental things about those of us who are parents, like that our lives are boring and we're unhappy and miserable, and that we just envy them because they're child-free. As if they know how anyone feels about anything.

I agree that it shouldn't be an issue. It's a personal choice whether to have children or not, and nobody has the right to judge another person's decision. It's none of their business. And how is it selfish not to have children? I don't get that.

 

[Jojo_LB]

I agree that it shouldn't be an issue. It's a personal choice whether to have children or not, and nobody has the right to judge another person's decision. Its none of their business, And how is it selfilsh not to have children? I don't get that.

I never got that either! If anything, it's selfish to have kids for the wrong reasons. None of us were asked to be here. We are all here by no choice of our own. And I'm positive that a lot of us are here because we were meant to fill someone's need to have love, to not be lonely. Or we we were supposed to give someone "meaning" or "status" or "continue on the family line," or whatever wild bullcrap parents have used to justify having kids LOL

They're the ones who are selfish.

 

[Progster]

I never got that either! If anything, it's selfish to have kids for the wrong reasons.

Precisely. Having a child is a hige commitment and it would be irresponsible to have children for the wrong reasons. And unfair to the children.

 

[Jojo_LB]

I think parents look down on the "selfishness" of child-free people, selfishness exhibited by wanting unrestricted freedom to do things, such as traveling, socializing, not taking care of another human being, saving money, less heavy responsibilities, etc.

It's just making the choices that are most appropriate for them and to maintain the lifestyles they want. This kind of selfishness is harmless.

Too many assume that all acts of selfishness are bad all the time, which just isn't true.

Better they make the wise decision to not have any children than have them to fill their voids, or be coaxed into it by pressure from society or their own families. In the end, the children suffer.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I think parents look down on the "selfishness" of child-free people, selfishness exhibited by wanting unrestricted freedom to do things, such as traveling, socializing, not taking care of another human being, saving money, less heavy responsibilities, etc.

It's just making the choices that are most appropriate for them and to maintain the lifestyles they want. This kind of selfishness is harmless.

Too many assume that all acts of selfishness are bad all the time, which just isn't true.

Better they make the wise decision to not have any children than have them to fill their voids, or be coaxed into it by pressure from society or their own families. In the end, the children suffer.

Right. Selfish doesn't always equal bad. A lot of the things we do are inherently selfish, but it doesn't mean they are harmful.

 

[Daydreamer]

When I was younger, I always assumed that I would marry some guy in my twenties, and have kids together. That we'd live in the countryside somewhere. Since I thought that was just what people do.

But then puberty happened. I realised that I'm gay. So my expectations for my future changed. I think that if I do have a child, it'll be through the process of adoption. The concept of IVF doesn't really appeal to me, personally. Whilst I like the idea of meeting someone, and potentially adopting a child together...I do wonder if I would make a good mother or not.

I know that children can be difficult. Although, that's putting it mildly. They are selfish, have an underdeveloped sense of empathy, can be spoilt and if you're not looking they might do something incredibly dangerous. When I was ten-years-old, I often had to look after young children. Our teachers weren't around as much as they should have been. As a result, I had to act sensible and take care of responsibilities that I wasn't emotionally mature enough for.

Do I have a maternal instinct? I...I don't actually know. As a child, I would always talk to baby dolls as if we were the same age. I never treated them like actual babies, more like a younger sibling/friend. However, I know that I would take care of a child if I had one.

I don't expect them to be adorable all of the time, I know that babies drool, vomit, poop anywhere and bite things (especially when teething). Children can be horribly cruel, and teenagers too. Sometimes I question if I would have what it takes, especially with the sound sensitivity (Maybe adopting an older child is the way to go, perhaps?)

But I think that it could be fulfilling. I like the idea of being there when they need me for advice, connecting with them, and teaching them life skills. But I know that I can't fully protect them from the world, and that there are things which they will have to learn on their own. It's a scary thought, but it's for the best.

But I shouldn't sit here and pretend that I know about parenting. I don't. After all, I'm only a nineteen- (almost twenty) -year-old student. I don't understand life yet. Heck I don't even know what I want for lunch most days, never mind if I'll have a kid someday.

I think that it's silly to judge people for choosing not to have kids. My aunt never had children, and sometimes a couple of my relatives judge her for it. Personally, I think that it's completely up to the people/person involved whether they want kids or not.

 

[Streetwise]

Now, I know this will likely become fairly controversial, but I'm interested to see how many people on here are CF. And please keep it clean and no bashing! Follow Bill and Teds Advice along with Wheatons Law! (Be Excellent to Each Other and Don't be a Richard )

For those out of the loop, Childfree is different from being Childless. Childless being you currently have no children, but do plan on it in some form in the future (adoption, biologically, surrogate, Step-children via Marriage, etc.)

Childfree is when one doesn't want any kids whatsoever, going as far as getting sterilized. This can because of personal reasons (such as a Family History of debilitating diseases), or because they're medically unable to do so (naturally sterile or a they currently have a life threatening disease). Many women are also Tokophobic (fear of being or becoming pregnant) which is a valid reason.

Having children is a choice much like anything else in life. You are not bound by anything or anyone to have them.

I myself am Childfree. I am so because I don't usually have the patience for small children, and I have a knack for worrying about money. Not having kids would help in ensuring I have the money to help pay any bills, food, rent, clothes, etc. I also don't want to contribute to Overpopulation, alongside my family (both sides) are fairly big already. I've also never really thought about having kids in my younger years. I also do plan on trying to get a vasectomy done as well in the near future. My parents are both supportive of my decision of not wanting to have kids thankfully.

Also, when Childfree people say they don't want kids and don't plan on it, they'll get "Bingoed" by others, saying "oh, you'll change your mind!". "your biological clocks ticking!", "it's different when they're yours!", "What about the Family Name/Legacy?!" etc etc. and other such Propaganda to try and get/guilt-trip one to change their mind.

There are Fence sitters as well, which is semi-controversial within the Childfree community itself. People say "you're Childfree or you're not!". I find that to be partly true, but I do think people are still unsure with what they want in their life and should take the time to consider one path or the other. And that's a-okay by me.

So, are you Childfree? What are your reasons as to why, if you feel like sharing. (again, please keep it clean and no bashing!)

praying that humans capable of reproduction will become sterile

 

[Nauti]

We're the opposite of DINKs [Double Income, No Kids].
We're SILKs [Single Income, Lotsa Kids]!
Family scorecard: ⚤ ♀♀♂♂♂♂♂♂♀♀♂♂⎛♀⎞♂♀♂♂♂
Correction: only ten living children.

Me and my guy have ten children between us too.
7 sons ( 5 are mine) and three daughters (I have two, my guy has one).

 

[Butterfly88]

I'm child-free. I'm a lesbian so I don't have to worry about sterilization.

 

[Canismajoris]

Childfree yes.

I did want kids with my wife when we met but didnt get any. Oh boy it was fun to try.

Now I am super happy we didnt get and after 7 years of exceptionally hot marriage, it safe to say we will not get any.

This planet doesnt need any more people. Plus I dont like kids, too noisy creatures. I hate noise and screaming.

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

Me having children? Never!

That won't work. I'm a reclusive minimalist.

 

[tlc]

I am now. But didn't used to be. In my early 20s I wanted the whole white picket fence thing because I figured that's what people are supposed to do. Bought a house, got married, had a kid. When my daughter was 2 that fell apart and the ex moved almost 200 miles away with my daughter. The next 16 years were spent running myself ragged to the point of developing health issues, back and forth, giving a large portion of my paycheck to my ex, meanwhile buying my daughter all the things she needed on top of that, not to mention transportation costs. I wanted to be a good influence on my daughter and give her a good life when she was here. But last year she moved everything out and decided she wasn't coming back. I still sent her stuff for Christmas, saw her for her birthday, went to her graduation this year. Now she's 18, works full time, pays rent, has a long time BF. All grown up. Sad in a way, but it makes me happy to see her making her own decisions and going her own way. I'm glad I seemed to have some sort of good influence on her and she didn't turn out like her mother or her 2 other siblings (from 2 additional dads).

But I will absolutely NOT do it again. Not mine or anybody else's. I got sterilized when she was 1, and have gone in and gotten checked every now and then to make sure nothing has grown back together (apparently that happens in like 1 in 500). In the case I ever do look for a relationship again. Most people my age still have young kids so that won't happen anyway. Right now I'm just trying to get my life back together from being so bad off all those years, and do some things I've wanted to do.