Anyone horrible at socializing did you get any better?

[Judge]

Yeah I can mimic to a point. Goes to hell if I'm in an unfamiliar situation though. I find that I'm not as good at faking it as some people, as NT's (typically who don't know me well) can still tell something is off. They'll either pull a face at something I said or did, or laugh.

Mimic or die.

We do it to prevent that proverbial, social ass-kicking. Not to successfully adapt to a mentality we don't necessarily have the neurological capacity to fully comprehend, let alone appreciate.

Yet when I do it, I usually feel well....kind of "icky" inside. It's NEVER something that is fulfilling to me. Never.

 

[Bolletje]

I have a private and a public persona. Over the years, the two have become more and more similar because I've mostly "dropped the act".
I've stopped overthinking social interaction and am instead going with what feels natural to me. I still feel awkward quite often, and drop the proverbial ball sometimes, but most of the time I manage to joke myself back into being relaxed. Does that sentence make any sense?

 

[Bolletje]

Mimic or die.

We do it to prevent that proverbial, social ass-kicking. Not to successfully adapt to a mentality we don't necessarily have the neurological capacity to fully comprehend, let alone appreciate.

Yet when I do it, I usually feel well....kind of "icky" inside. It's NEVER something that is fulfilling to me. Never.

I have to say I used to mimic a lot, but I've reached a point where either I've stopped mimicking or I've stopped noticing. I'm sure I pass for "normal" these days but I honestly can't tell how it got to be that way. I feel like through practice and increasing confidence I've become adapt enough at socializing and expressing emotions that I no longer need to mimic people.

 

[Judge]

I have to say I used to mimic a lot, but I've reached a point where either I've stopped mimicking or I've stopped noticing. I'm sure I pass for "normal" these days but I honestly can't tell how it got to be that way. I feel like through practice and increasing confidence I've become adapt enough at socializing and expressing emotions that I no longer need to mimic people.

Indeed. It's something I've given some thought to lately. That with my self-awareness it's diminished the will to mimic. Though part of me thinks this may be indicative of my age, being self-employed and a choice to live in relative isolation.

When quite honestly I no longer give a damn. I no longer have a need to mimic as I no longer have a life so dependent upon social interaction with Neurotypicals.

Is this more a case of being just plain sad or just plain liberating? I'm not sure.

Though I prefer the logic of enabling my sanity over enabling my loneliness.

 

[texkag]

I'm pretty bad at being social and feel I come off as boring too not sure how to get better sometimes I don;t even feel like going on its so bad and I feel like it won't get better trying to get ssi I think that would help but been trying fro awhile not sure ti will happen hopeing though.

There have been some excellent answers here already so I won't add too much myself, except to say that I approach social skills like an anthropologist would. I think it's better for our population to learn social skills intellectually so that we can account for our hypersensitivities etc.

There are excellent books on small talk, body language and so forth which provide a good foundation. The problems come when you have to apply what you've learned. It's important to remember that these books are aimed at everyone. There are plenty of NT's that are rubbish at socializing and have to learn it late like us.

If you've become quite isolated, I would say start small, with shallow conversations with strangers and consider volunteering or a special interest group to help maintain and develop your skills. Remember, these are skills that require maintenance and development. It can be exhausting so you have to pace yourself. It helps if you can combine it with something your passionate about, for example being part of a special interest group.

I have attended social groups for people with SAD in the past and have found them helpful as they provide the real life practice that you need to develop these skills. I have recently had to give up my volunteering because of my caring commitments and so am considering returning to the SAD group to prevent my skills from atrophying.

I always keep in mind that Social Anxiety, like any form of anxiety has avoidance at it's core and so I am always torn between crawling back into my carapace and going into lockdown and, 'risking it for a biscuit'. So, start small and be prepared to experience some discomfort.

The best piece of advice I was given about small talk, something that I have found to be true time after time, is that everyone likes to talk about themselves. If you can take your focus off you and onto them you'll be off to a great start!