Anyone got any insight into the aftermath of a melt down

[mattrix]

(A bit of intro)
There are lots of situations that I find challenging.
Generally I will try to plan for a difficult situation,
OR If I am really stressed I will script it, this is overkill and I tend to stick to the script no matter what
OR If it is optional I can just avoid it, my preferred option.

I am 70yo male in Australia (now this sounds like a dating app)

I recently had a meltdown.
My melt downs invariably happen during interactions with people.
I throw the occaisional tantrum at objects, but it is difficult to remain angry at an inanimate object.

I am not very eloquent during a melt down, I don't want to talk, I want them to feel what I am feeling, or to leave me alone.

I have a few triggers, that I know of.
* I have a few linguistic triggers, eg being told I "can't" do something (it is impossible) that I have already done (so I am lying) etc. I usually get argumentative (and probably sound like a crazy person) or walk away. I feel terribly hurt but I head off a full blown meltdown.
* medical procedures, what medical people think is the appropriate way to treat people boggles my mind.

This one was a medical procedure,
in my mind someone snuck up while I wasn't looking and stabbed me with a sharp instrument. It would have been better if I had seen it.
This was followed up by their usual insensitive and threatening behaviour. They expect that my life is in their hands, that I trust them, and I have no interest in it anymore.
I don't trust them, I feel that they are attacking my "self", my autonomy; and I freek out.

Now I'm trying to deal with the aftermath, and not coping well. It is a long time since I had a meltdown like this and I don't understand what is going on, or what to expect.

The day after, I was exhausted and very emotional to the point of tears. Snippets of what had happened kept popping into my head uncalled for.

Later I'm still very emotional, but the emotions are no longer connected to the events. I feel like my 'self' has been shattered into disjoint pieces.

Any insights appreciated.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I recently had a meltdown.
My melt downs invariably happen during interactions with people.
I throw the occaisional tantrum at objects, but it is difficult to remain angry at an inanimate object.

I am not very eloquent during a melt down, I don't want to talk, I want them to feel what I am feeling, or to leave me alone.

I am more likely to gradually shut down as opposed to having a full-blown meltdown... but I have had a few. For me, it's almost an out-of-body experience, extremely violent, I will literally hurt my vocal cords for days afterwards. On the other hand, I am typically pretty quick to squelch it down once it happens... but by then the damage was done... the other person terrified... and now I have to put my tail between my legs and apologize. I hate that loss of control. So embarrassing.

I have a few triggers, that I know of.
* I have a few linguistic triggers, eg being told I "can't" do something (it is impossible) that I have already done (so I am lying) etc. I usually get argumentative (and probably sound like a crazy person) or walk away. I feel terribly hurt but I head off a full blown meltdown.

Triggers... (1) being told how I feel, (2) being called a liar, and (3) disrespected. I usually don't have the time to become argumentative... it just wells up too quickly and I loose all sense of composure. Like someone just clicked on a switch. Zero tolerance.

* medical procedures, what medical people think is the appropriate way to treat people boggles my mind.

This one was a medical procedure,
in my mind someone snuck up while I wasn't looking and stabbed me with a sharp instrument. It would have been better if I had seen it.
This was followed up by their usual insensitive and threatening behaviour. They expect that my life is in their hands, that I trust them, and I have no interest in it anymore.
I don't trust them, I feel that they are attacking my "self", my autonomy; and I freek out.

I've been in health care for nearly 40 years... and I can tell you for certain, at my hospital, people can get fired for that sort of behavior. When people are put into a strange, scary environment... and they are sick or in pain... they are often the worst versions of themselves. We know that, so we are so careful with what and how we do and say anything. We will never impose anything on anyone... not even a child. If you are a grown adult of sound mind, you are a customer and client. You are paying your hard-earned money, taking up your precious time, interrupting your life, and asking for help. You hired us. If you want to refuse something... fine. As one might say, "You've made your bed, now you're going to lie in it."

Now I'm trying to deal with the aftermath, and not coping well. It is a long time since I had a meltdown like this and I don't understand what is going on, or what to expect.

The day after, I was exhausted and very emotional to the point of tears. Snippets of what had happened kept popping into my head uncalled for.

Later I'm still very emotional, but the emotions are no longer connected to the events. I feel like my 'self' has been shattered into disjoint pieces.

Any insights appreciated.

All I know is that after a major shutdown or meltdown, I might need a few days to recover. My brain is absolute trash. Good food. Good sleep. No social interactions. Leave me alone. Give me time regain my composure.

 

[Judge]

When I experience a rare shutdown, it's as if at the most intense point of it all, everything just fades into a white fog. Visually and mentally, where I cannot recall anything beyond that point until after it all subsides.

Somewhat reminiscent of those who claim to have experienced "lost time".

For an equally disturbing experience as the shutdown itself.

 

[Matthias]

Meltdowns are intense emotional reactions. The cause of emotions is well known. Event -> perception (based on beliefs and experiences) -> emotion. The strength of the perception influences the strength of the emotion. This is why therapy involves helping people change their beliefs (often based on cognitive distortions) and their perception of earlier experiences.

Putting it all together, if someone telling you that you can't do something you've already done (which you perceive as lying) triggers a meltdown, it's because you either have very strong beliefs (honesty is very important, liars are evil) or because your brain perceives it very negatively (which is often due to the brain associating something with very negative experiences).

 

[Outdated]

I've been known to chuck a tantrum from time to time but I console myself with the fact that they well and truly earned it. I have a quick temper and a quick mouth to match.

I got giggles out of the security guards in the Prince Alfred in Melbourne one night. I had no faith that the doctor knew what she was talking about so I apologised for wasting her time (sarcasm) and walked out. She followed me out yelling and screaming at me which is what brought the security guards running, and she was waving a packet of pain killers around.

With the security guards there as an audience I let fly in my big booming voice - "I don't want your drugs lady. What I wanted was a competent bloody doctor!". The guards burst out laughing and I continued limping out the door.

Now I'm trying to deal with the aftermath, and not coping well. It is a long time since I had a meltdown like this and I don't understand what is going on, or what to expect.

I cheer myself up and restore my faith in humanity by doing nice things for people. Just little acts of kindness like letting someone in in the traffic or holding a door open for someone. Their reactions brighten my day.

 

[thejuice]

It takes time for the body to reach equilibrium again. You were in a period of high anxiety and nervous system excitement, so will probably have an equal and opposite period of depression, exhaustion and unpleasant hopeless thoughts. I often get ripples of anxiety in the aftermath for the next few days as well. I'd have lots of rest!

 

[Tuffsy]

Reading all the replies makes me feel like I’m not alone. I usually feel embarrassed and ashamed after a meltdown. These days I tend to tell groups that I join that I might have a meltdown. It probably makes no difference to their responses to my meltdown but it makes me feel better!

 

[Richelle-H]

Not sure anything that follows is anything that rises to the level of an insight for anyone other than myself.

The first meltdown I remember was at 5 years old and was triggered by high anxiety. I was in kindergarten and the class was being ushered out for something very benign in retrospect, but I latched onto a stanchion outside the classroom and wrapped myself tightly around it, screaming my lungs out, necessitating the school phoning my mother to come, talk me down, and take me home.

Since then I have had many other emotional meltdowns and over time I learned to recognize the signs of one developing. This gave me an entry point to begin training myself to guide any potentially emotional runaway freight train away from a crash and burn scenario. I taught myself, using deep breathing techniques and shifted focus, methods for keeping my emotional state from collapsing into a black hole of misery and mental flagellation. After all, it is my head and my feelings and I can control them to some extent through not dwelling on whatever triggered the repeating negativity. Negative feelings directed inward have always been my particular vector for meltdowns.

Today, I am capable of keeping things in reasonable check or at the very least I can let go of all the negativity much quicker than in my youth. I tend to think of them now more as temporary upsets than actual meltdowns, because I can usually get myself back to a calm and centered state within a few hours, and in that time frame I can still function in a competent if somewhat hesitant manner.

As I am the only one that I can truly point a finger at, it falls to me to deal with my own emotions and to prevent inflicting my negativity on others. Not an easy prospect for anyone to navigate but....

The potential for change is within everyone, but quite difficult to get to a permanent new paradigm.

So, not much help but I do hope you are able to find ways to relax and tame the demons that trigger you.

 

[mattrix]

Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for your experiences, they have really helped, though they have brought me to tears.

I don't get usually get violent, at least not since I was much,much younger. But then I don't usually have meltdowns. Once triggered they build up like a kettle boiling, I know time is short and I need to take the kettle off the fire. Each new assault threatens my existence and I get more argumentative. Lacking the words, at the time, I use my arms to express myself, which is not taken as frustration but rather aggression.

(sorry, just a bit of a rant here)

The bloody arrogant ambo decided to treat me like a 3 year old, openly lying to me and others about me. Not letting me know what he was doing but rather deliberately hiding it. I got some satisfaction when he tried to start a drip but wasn't able to.
He complained about me not worshiping him when i last saw him, I wish I had been together enough to say "What did you expect from a 3 year old?"

Why do I let stupid people upset me so much??

Getting to the hospital actually calmed me down a bit, familiar surroundings, all hospital corridors are the same. Until I was moved to a bed, and the the pokes started again.
I'm not telling you what THIS is but I want to do it, I'm going to do it ... because I'm more important than you and what you want doesn't matter ... I ( the nurse) am taking control.
I need to know what is going on so that I can rationalise it instead of reacting emotionally.

I reached breaking point and had another argument about disconnecting me so I could go somewhere and calm down.
Oh no, WE can't (wont) do that, ... , you do it or I WILL.

I had no faith that the doctor knew what she was talking about so I apologised for wasting her time (sarcasm) and walked out. She followed me out yelling and screaming at me which is what brought the security guards running, and she was waving a packet of pain killers around.

Similar here, Here I am sitting half naked in a corner of the parking area trying to calm down, and the bloody head nurse follows me and reads me the riot act, throwing more barbs and threats. Once she had got her satisfaction, she arranged a posse of guards to make sure I didn't abscond.

 

[mattrix]

Today my mind is still trying to put all this together, to make sense of it, to understand it.
It is totally occupying my time. My executive function has gone down the toilet.

Its trying to put together 'pithy' responses that I could have said, if I was less emotional. And to put together scenarios that would show them how stupid they are, but of course they would have got offended and refused to play the game.

Rewriting the history ???

 

[the_tortoise]

Medical people can be very insensitive and authoritarian...traumatizing...this is why I will soon be done with healthcare forever. Would much rather die. Sensitive and respectful medical people clearly exist, like @Neonatal RRT , but they represent a very small minority of those I have seen...

I'm regularly infantilized in medical settings and it makes it worse when I have meltdowns in front of the people who infantilize me...

I have had a few meltdowns in doctor's offices this year in response to outright bullying. Meltdowns are horrible anywhere, exhausting and humiliating and frightening...and I think the bad responses people have even though I am not aggressive, merely loud (in my case it boggles my mind how I was perceived as threatening when hiding behind exam room furniture in obvious terror, cowering and sobbing, shouting only non-threatening self-defensive things like "stop hurting me" and "let me speak" and "why are you doing this?" and unable to even stand up without my crutches on the other side of the room....but i was), make it more traumatic and add to the feelings of shame and fear over having lost control of myself....give me that much more to process and recover from.

Takes time and self-compassion. And if you feel traumatized that is another layer that easily prolongs recovery time from a bad meltdown situation.

Hope you feel better soon. And I'm sorry you were treated badly -- medical people should be people you can trust - but they should know they have to earn that trust by treating you with respect and sensitivity.