I had to remember my 14yr old self back in the day. I think everyone,...everyone at this age has some social and personal anxieties and insecurities that they are trying to overcome. Humor is one of those things that is often used as a social "crutch" to gain some acceptance,...as is bullying. Some people are just naturally funny,...they have the wit,...it's a true talent. The rest of us, well, we're not that funny,...sure, we come up with a good joke or comment every now and then,...but best not to force yourself to be funny for the sake of social acceptance. This is a rough age,...well, pretty much anything under 19 is a "rough age". When I say that, I mean, it isn't until you are away from the sometimes "social toxicity" of middle and high school, and are in a university environment or out on your own,...that you will find people who are somewhat open and respectful towards you,...and you can find some comfort and confidence in just being yourself.
Please understand that many autistics, including myself, have a lifetime of being socially awkward, have varying difficulties with communication, and can be mischaracterized as annoying, boring, aloof, a "know-it-all", a jerk,...and a long list of other potentially derogatory terms. DO NOT expect anyone to understand you or relate to you. The very root word of autism is "auto",...which means "self". This is a very "lonely" term, and for many of us, it can be. This is very important to understand,...you are not a neurotypical,...you are not part of that "club" and you never will be. Now,...can you find love and friendship, can you have a great career, do meaningful things,...very much YES. However, you first have to find some acceptance within yourself, embrace who you are, and not let other people knock you down,...because they will if given the opportunity. Be Teflon,...just let it slide right off. The moment someone says something derogatory and they see that look in your face that you're hurt,...they'll keep at it,...it's one of those "sick" things that all animals do,...even fish. Pick,..pick,...pick until you die. Sorry for the visual,...but you get what I am saying. DO NOT let this happen. If others see the self-confidence in you,...and you not reacting in a way that satisfies their toxic behavior,...you've won.
So, what are you supposed to do in the mean time? One of the things that I found was helpful, was simply being part of a large group of "friends",...and I put this in quotations, because don't expect them to be "friends", but only to accept you into the group. I was part of the "popular" crowd, the athletes,...being the strongest kid in school had its privileges,...I would tag along with a group,...go out to occasional high school social events,...but I was always on the periphery. My best friends also had best friends,...it just wasn't me. So, manage your expectations. I dated girls, but found it very difficult to communicate with them,...often found myself writing letters to them,...as it was the only way I could get the words out without stammering around like an idiot. I went to dances, went movies, went to prom,...all of that,...and what I thought was love on my part, was not reciprocated equally on their part.
It wasn't until I was at the university that I met someone who totally accepted me for who I was. I have been married for 36 years, raised 2 successful children in their own right, have had a successful career in medicine, and so far, no financial worries. You can be autistic and do a lot of good in this world.
I apologize if this came off as very direct,...that's my way,...but so many young autistics really struggle with this idea of trying to meet some "neurotypical" standard,...whatever that is,...and failing. Then some autistics think they are a failure. Wrong,...you're a perfect autistic. Have some sense of what that means. Embrace it. Use it to your advantage. Make something of yourself because you are autistic, not in spite of it.
