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Any fav reponses that you use when asked to do something ridiculous?

My first inclination is usually to tilt down my head at someone and look above the lenses of my eyeglasses at them.

Probably more tactful than saying what I'm usually thinking under such circumstances. Reminding me of something uttered by actor David Clennon in "The Thing" as the severed head of an alien sprouted eight legs like a spider and just walked away.
 
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As the wise old Spaniard said, No.
How about no?
I'm not interested.
Sure, why don't you go first?
What's my salary?
Pretty sure that doesn't inspire loyalty.
This does not spark joy.
 
Not my own lines but a couple of quotes from Blackadder Goes Forth, I'd love to use one day...

"How hurt would you be if I gave the honest answer which is 'No, I'd rather french kiss a skunk'."

"If you don't mind I'd rather have my tongue beaten wafer thin with a steak tenderisor, and then stapled to the floor with a croquet hoop."
 
Say "no" like the Spanish cleaner from Family Guy.

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Ed
 
Sure…. But if you want it free then your stuck with me.

I’ll do it tomorrow, it’s the busiest day of the year!
(Because everything I need to do, I say I’ll do it tomorrow)

Wish in one hand, crap in the other. See which one fills up first.

You want me to do what? People in hell want ice water.
 
Stolen directly from a Weird Al song:

I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass

I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
In Grand Central Station with my tongue

I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled
With double edged razor blades
 
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