Answers anyone

[Turk]

Hi guys,
Im a little close to this problem, that im struggling to find answers, so I thought id bring it to the think tank.
My 17 yr old son who also has AS, was diagnosed very early in life. Once we knew, we offered him every opportunity, to help him find his special gift. He found music and now plays piano, guitar and sing like an angel.
So here's the thing. Ive watched him perform solo, on stage in front of 300 people, with a presence and charisma that has me in total awe. He loves the stage and spotlight, however there's a twist.
Family, his friends and his girlfriend have seen how good he is and push him for a more private performance. He declines everytime. When I have spoken to him, in our many conversations, he tells me he is shy or embarrassed. Im concerned that some are starting to make judgments about him and his want to play for them. The difficulty in this situation is apart from family and his girlfriend, others dont know he has AS, and thats the way he wants to keep it. A label in primary school made him a target, and his current friends, at high school just see him as quirky and eccentric. Has anyone seen this type of reverse shyness before. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

 

[Vanilla]

Yeah, many people can have that. I've seen many interviews with celebrities, actors, singers, etc. who are able perform in front of hundreds, to millions; yet are shy in smaller social groups, or when put on the spot.

I believe the reason for this is that when on stage, most performers can't actually see, or identify members of the audience, so it's easier to feel safe. This is the same in a recording studio, or behind a camera, working with professionals who you know and trust.

Performing with strangers, who are judgemental, and don't know you from a bar of soap, can be daunting, as you can see their judgement in their faces, and they can ask you probing questions, which will make some uncomfortable. Some celebrities I've noticed this in included Michael Jackson or Bradley Cooper; just YouTube some of their old interviews, and you'll see what I mean.

I don't believe you can do anything really, except have their back. Perhaps if people ask him to perform, and he's uncomfortable, you can simply help him out by explaining that he is not comfortable with this. There's nothing wrong with being a little quirky

 

[Turk]

Thx Vanilla,
I have been kinda making excuses for him already. But im having trouble reading ppl's reaction to it. And yes your right, I have seen some performers which havnt interviewed well. Just thought id put it out there anyway. And yes if he can get thru, in life and the worst ppl think of him as, is quirky, I can live with that
Cheers
Turk

 

[nowwhat]

Seems to make sense to me. At a certain point, enough people loses intimacy and becomes a crowd. The pressure's off, especially if it's mostly those he doesn't know.

As far as when and where he performs, I'd just tell others that he gets to choose when and where to use his gift. They'll have to accept it. I do agree that you ought to have his back. People who don't like it aren't entitled to a reason. The reason is his, like the gift. Now, I would have trouble finding a politic way to convey this information that didn't end up drawing more attention to the controversy and making it worse for him, but hopefully you're a bit shrewder than I've ever managed to be.

 

[Turk]

Seems to make sense to me. At a certain point, enough people loses intimacy and becomes a crowd. The pressure's off, especially if it's mostly those he doesn't know.

As far as when and where he performs, I'd just tell others that he gets to choose when and where to use his gift. They'll have to accept it. I do agree that you ought to have his back. People who don't like it aren't entitled to a reason. The reason is his, like the gift. Now, I would have trouble finding a politic way to convey this information that didn't end up drawing more attention to the controversy and making it worse for him, but hopefully you're a bit shrewder than I've ever managed to be.

Hmmmm. When u put it like that, its makes perfect logical sense ok _so_now. I have an a strong, almost OCD, like parental instinct, when it comes to my son. Mix in a little Aspergers, and it sometimes stops me from seeing the obvious. As for shrewd, not sure I fit that category either. Ive beaten around the bush, to often, in the past. So when I bring my sledgehammer to the walnut cracking party, there will be no misunderstanding my wishes. At least when it comes to my son anyway

 

[nowwhat]

You cant teach the world to understand or consider him, so you'd better teach him to stand his ground, without starting a pitchfork and torches party.

 

[Ereth]

I disagree. While it would certainly take more than a lifetime to teach everyone in the world about acceptance, he can touch the lives of the people he gets to know.

 

[GHA]

Turk,
You are a GREAT dad!!! Many artist do not like to perform in public...Your son is lucky to have found his talent; believe me, nothing will stop him...You just be there...

 

[Salmongirl17]

I'm 13 and have Aspergers. I play mallet percussion (bells, xylophone, vibes) and not afraid to play in front of a 500+ person audience. But, like your son, I hate performing in front of my family. It just feels awkward. I don't have issues practicing in front of them, just performing. I guess it's just the concepts of a "special occasion" or a "typical practice" that bugs me.

This was probably confusing, but I hope this helped some!