Angry

[The Autistic Warrior]

Hi I need to talk to someone about my autism and ADD because I feel really bad right now. I don't want to generate empathy, because I think that's childish, but I'm very angry right now, because I've just been kicked out of someone's life for the umpteenth time in my life. I am now so angry that I feel like threatening that person with death in the worst possible way.

However, I will not do that, because otherwise I will be punished anyway, so that is why I express my anger here. Now more than ever I really fantasize about commiting terrorist attacks or doing the most aggressive things.

I don't feel worth anything in life anymore, while I always wanted to do the right thing.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Intrusive thoughts can make you conjure up very dark images in your mind. I do it multiple times a week. I heard it mentioned in a video on ADD - all about the emotional regulation side of things.

He talks of how someone in a diner hears someone eating too loud and it rapidly escalates to anger and a visualisation of getting up and hitting the guy in the face for chewing obnoxiously loud.

Being kicked out of someone's life is always going to be hard. But that person has revealed themselves to no longer be worthy of your time. Not the other way around, although it might appear that way if they did the kicking.

All we can offer is advice. To de-escalate - a walk, some fresh air, exercise, comfort eating, a comedy show, video games, be around a pet or animal. Something that makes you feel good.

The intrusive and dark thoughts will eventually fizzle out. I do worry that one day I'll go over the edge, overreact to something and end up doing something that winds me up in prison for a long time.

Every now and then you hear of a road rage incident, or someone going postal. The papers and press will make them out to be inhuman, or reclusive or having no friends etc. In reality, I can sympathise with these types, because they've struggled for a long time. However, no act of violence is ever truly justified. Some might claim "what if you have to defend yourself or your kids" etc. But in reality - violence isn't the way.

Ed