Angry and frustrated

[manca]

Not sure where to put this. Move if need to, please

Do you ever get really mad when something doesn't go as you want? As in wanting to break things, yell, throw yourself on the ground, fight with someone?
I remember this first when I tried to learn how to ride a bike. It just didn't go... I cried my eyes out, fell so many times my legs where completely covered in blood, yelled and stayed there for 2 hours, until I made it. My parents tried to get me off and try again later, but I didn't allow. That's another problem. I can't stop until I achieve what I want.

This behavior continued through my life, and it happens very easily especially when I'm in bad mood already.
For instance, for 3 days now, I'm trying to get my mare to respond to my seat. She used to, but after 2years break (health reasons) she doesn't anymore. The first 2 days when I tried to work on it, it was all ok. I was calm and patient. Today I feel cranky from the morning and I was about to lose my mind, because she still doesn't respond. I was so close to hitting her. It took all my mind strength to stop myself. I was mad even after I put her in the field and went to house. Just wanted to break something and yell.
I'm exhausted now...

Any advices on how to stop and calm myself faster?

 

[oscar2012]

Your horse probably felt your stress and anxiety from you i would of walked away from her to . she hopefully felt relaxed

 

[manca]

I'm not aggressive towards my horses. I get away from them when I feel this way. It's just really hard to calm down. And it exhausts me. I thought someone may have any advice to help me with calming down.

 

[oscar2012]

i never said you were i was saying you done the right thing by walking away manca . because when i feel like that i have to be on my own to i either do a drawing or painting that seems to help me

 

[manca]

That's a good idea... Something that would occupy me and give an opportunity to think... And breath.

 

[Peace]

Yes,
This is something I struggled with for most of my life. I tried EVERYTHING. I finally began to use my "Aspie Power" to assess the situation. I do what I have come to discover works best for me with every challenge, and this was by far my most difficult.
There are four basic steps to problem solving.
1) Realize that you have a problem
2) Understand what the problem is
3) deciede on a plan to address it
4) put your plan into action
I started by identifying what was happening. I discovered that although it seemed to just suddenly blow-up inside of me without warning, that it was really a process. I began to pay close attention to anything that made me feel negative. I noticed that something small would happen, or I would just not be in a stellar mood that day. My foul mood would increase slowly, and mostly unnoticed. At some point, I would become irritated. This is where I realized that I could recognize the "Build-up" of negativity. Eventually, something would happen to push me over the edge, and BAM!
Being able to "Recognize" this feeling coming on, was the key to my victory. When I feel this demon gaining power inside of me, I would turn my attention inward. I would concentrate on taking away it's "Food", so it could not grow. Much like taking the oxygen away from a fire to put it out. I would work purposefully to turn my mood around. I might have to stop altogether and do something completely different. A worthy sacrifice.
When you say you cannot quit, that is not you. It is "The Demon" driving you to keep feeding it until it becomes strong enough to "Break Out". Recognize that falling pray to this temptation, or old habit, can result in no good. It is part of a learned behavior that leads to the same path of destruction over and over. Change your behavior, and change your path.
Manca, "It Is OK To Walk Away From Something For A While And Come Back To It Later". This is not quitting, it is strategizing to be victorious. There is a difference between losing a battle, and losing the war. Sometimes we have to fall back and regroup to achieve our goals.
Head this thing off at the pass, and prevent it from entering your camp. "Do Not Feed The Bears"!
A wise man once told me, "There Is A Fine Line Between Hard Ass And Dumb Ass, Be Careful Not To Cross It". This took me a lot of time, and a lot of practice, but was worth it ALL!.
Always start at the beginning, and you can do this.

 

[manca]

Thanks for help.
I think the start was the day before when "friend" came. She is annoying me and the feeling might have still been there the next day. I have to get rid off her somehow... Then when things didn't go with my horse as well it was suddenly too much.
I still didn't go and try that exercise with my mare... I think I may be doing something wrong, as I didn't ride in 2 years, so I'll get someone to watch me, maybe take a video, and I can figure out why it won't go.

 

[jimited]

I have had major problems that arise from things not going my way such as broken possessions and broken hands, I know take myself from the situation and isolate myself from everything I then plug my headphones. I usually calm down after half an or if the situation was minor sometimes it could take days for me to be able to face the world again. Also I find writing in my journal helps I write how I feel and what got me agitated in the first place. I seem to be ale to control these situations better now and most of the time I am able to isolate myself before the situation goes critical.

 

[Peace]

Happy to hear of better times Manca, It sounds like you are making good choices that will help in the long run.

 

[LBex]

yes very much so. this happened to me tonight ironically, when I was argueing with my dad... he egged me on and I reached a point where i was overwhelmed with frustration and needed to get out of the situation emotionally and mentally, so I had a sort of nervous break down- I went to the floor, grabbing my hair trying to pull it out while screaming. It was intense but it is hard to control such emotions when I am in the sort of panicky state.

 

[total-recoil]

It's always been the same for me. I recall trying to sheet my boat up in the wind and every time the wind kept blowing the sheet back at me. I got angrier and angrier to the point of losing perception of how I might have been perceived if anyone saw me so worked up. I have become angry with my German Shepherd when he's tugged and tugged me around on his lead (he's a strong dog) but I'd never hit him. Sure he's sensed and picked up my anger but he's my best friend and I'd always have to just go away and calm down. Actually animals are very perceptive to your moods so it's essential to spend time with them when relaxed. Still, no idea why the tantrums happen but I definitely get them as well.

Not sure where to put this. Move if need to, please

Do you ever get really mad when something doesn't go as you want? As in wanting to break things, yell, throw yourself on the ground, fight with someone?
I remember this first when I tried to learn how to ride a bike. It just didn't go... I cried my eyes out, fell so many times my legs where completely covered in blood, yelled and stayed there for 2 hours, until I made it. My parents tried to get me off and try again later, but I didn't allow. That's another problem. I can't stop until I achieve what I want.

This behavior continued through my life, and it happens very easily especially when I'm in bad mood already.
For instance, for 3 days now, I'm trying to get my mare to respond to my seat. She used to, but after 2years break (health reasons) she doesn't anymore. The first 2 days when I tried to work on it, it was all ok. I was calm and patient. Today I feel cranky from the morning and I was about to lose my mind, because she still doesn't respond. I was so close to hitting her. It took all my mind strength to stop myself. I was mad even after I put her in the field and went to house. Just wanted to break something and yell.
I'm exhausted now...

Any advices on how to stop and calm myself faster?

 

[total-recoil]

I learned with animals they can definitely sense your vibes. I know it's very hard but try to spend relaxed time with your horse and build a friendship before you try and perfect training. Animals will help you relax and control your moods and the time spend together must always be peaceful and caring. I have learned this by experience and always hug my dog a lot and I just go away if I'm nervous as it makes the dog nervous as well. I think he knows how I'm wired but loves me anyway, same as your horse will come to bond more with you in time.

Thanks for help.
I think the start was the day before when "friend" came. She is annoying me and the feeling might have still been there the next day. I have to get rid off her somehow... Then when things didn't go with my horse as well it was suddenly too much.
I still didn't go and try that exercise with my mare... I think I may be doing something wrong, as I didn't ride in 2 years, so I'll get someone to watch me, maybe take a video, and I can figure out why it won't go.

 

[manca]

I bond with them a lot. I think we have a great bond. Had her for 5 years, she seeks my company, etc.
I think the problem was that I don't know the move to stop her with seat only. I used to ride with a saddle and now I'm bareback. Weight is placed differently and my legs are not in stirrups which gives me problems with pushing weight down. I have to move a bit differently without saddle.