Anger and Irritability

[Ritchie Aprile]

It varies day to day but I get extremely irritated and mad over minor annoyances. Sometimes it's because something's going wrong in my life (relationship problems, money issues etc) or there are days where I inexplicably have no tolerance for anything.

I'm not sure if they're called outbursts or tantrums but when I get really pressed I'll growl while gritting teeth, scream, punch kick slam or throw objects, bite my forearms or bite fabric (while growling) and I've even bit my steering wheel in heavy traffic. The amount of damage I've done to my cars over the past 18 years simply for being angry over virtually nothing is unreal. Don't even wanna know how much money it's cost me. One of my old cars I've had to replace the horn twice from punching it so many times. Cut up my knuckles from punching my car door. My newest car has dents in it from my pounding with my fists. I broke my radio/bluetooth screen from punching it. There's more but you get the idea. I could've gotten myself killed in a couple of road rage accidents had things gone a little differently. Unfortunately my profession requires me to drive way more than your average person does in very densely populated/heavy traffic areas and i'm actually considering getting out of it. There's also a lot of office work which only adds to the pressure. The amount of driving I do in it of itself puts me at risk and combined with my sometimes uncontrollable road rage, it's a miracle that I've only suffered very minor injuries. Whiplash was the worst one. I've also almost gotten into multiple fights over road rage. While I don't get pulled over as much, I once had a terrible driving record. Lots of accidents and moving violations to the point where I was on assigned risk insurance which cost a fortune.

While it's impossible to hide my anger entirely, I make sure nobody sees the extreme side of it (biting and growling). I'm way too embarrassed to let anyone see that (MASKING).

I've been to therapy and tried anger management techniques but it doesn't do much. Weed really helps with my aggression but I can't function being stoned all day.

Anyone else go through this? I really think I'd be a good candidate for anti-psych meds but I'm skeptical due to bad experience with meds I took a long time ago (another thread). Cheers.

 

[Aspychata]

Quit your job. It seems to be centered around driving. More Anger management classes? Little steps, reward yourself when you don't blow up maybe? Cut back on meat? I noticed my temperament changed when l ate meat along time ago. Eating more soy, beans, and other meatless proteins really changed my outlook. It's worth a shot. Looking forward to the other answers here. Good post!

 

[Xinyta]

I am no doctor but I have some ideas. Some of it is from personal experience.

In my opinion, It could be one of three things:

Anxeity and Stress
Psychological hang ups
Behavioral Disorder

As far as anxeity and stress. This is the common reason for both NTs and NDs as far as agression, unease, and irritableness. Alot of it can be related to overworking, sleep issues, poor diet, etc. Though meds are not necessary unless you have a anxiety disorder like GAD.

Psychological hang ups are a bit more tricky and will need professional attention. Especially if it's a hidden trama. But it's up to your own decisions and discretion as far as approaching this.

Behavioral Disorders are another matter, though. I don't know alot about this but I can say that it's a candidate to not rule out if you find that you have no control over your mood swings. I am sure there are treatments and meds that are taken for dealing with this.

 

[Vindiesel]

What are you doing for an outlet for energy expenditure?

 

[Ritchie Aprile]

What are you doing for an outlet for energy expenditure?

I work out a lot. Weight lifting.

 

[Ritchie Aprile]

I am no doctor but I have some ideas. Some of it is from personal experience.

In my opinion, It could be one of three things:

Anxeity and Stress
Psychological hang ups
Behavioral Disorder

As far as anxeity and stress. This is the common reason for both NTs and NDs as far as agression, unease, and irritableness. Alot of it can be related to overworking, sleep issues, poor diet, etc. Though meds are not necessary unless you have a anxiety disorder like GAD.

Psychological hang ups are a bit more tricky and will need professional attention. Especially if it's a hidden trama. But it's up to your own decisions and discretion as far as approaching this.

Behavioral Disorders are another matter, though. I don't know alot about this but I can say that it's a candidate to not rule out if you find that you have no control over your mood swings. I am sure there are treatments and meds that are taken for dealing with this.

I definitely suffer from anxiety which I'll probably make another thread about. My diet is pretty good and my sleep varies. I do have night terrors or panic attacks in my sleep, I'll wake up not breathing. It's not sleep apnea because I got a sleep study years ago and tested negative. Meditation has reduced these episodes.

I definitely wanna explore the possibility of meds because I don't think talking to someone is enough. Thank you for the reply.

 

[Ritchie Aprile]

Quit your job. It seems to be centered around driving. More Anger management classes? Little steps, reward yourself when you don't blow up maybe? Cut back on meat? I noticed my temperament changed when l ate meat along time ago. Eating more soy, beans, and other meatless proteins really changed my outlook. It's worth a shot. Looking forward to the other answers here. Good post!

Definitely gotta stop driving so much. I don't think I can quit meat though

 

[Vindiesel]

I work out a lot. Weight lifting.

What is a lot? What about cardio? Weight lifting is energy draining but burns a small amount of calories. I found walking 3-4 miles or 1hr of walking helps my thoughts fly and reorganize. Then circumstances that typically make me frustrated/angry dissipate.

When I was younger I had road rage and sometimes it comes up when I’m overstimulated or not enough engagement for the day. Mind you for an example I had a truck ride up my ass for no reason on the highway 430am and he wouldn’t go around me and he was so close I couldn’t see his headlights so it became personal I snapped and slammed the brakes to the floor at 75mph. He hit me and spun out.

I’ve learned that doing that won’t fix the ignorance of people.



You only have control of your reactions to stimuli. (I know same bs rhetoric)

 

[Ritchie Aprile]

What is a lot? What about cardio? Weight lifting is energy draining but burns a small amount of calories. I found walking 3-4 miles or 1hr of walking helps my thoughts fly and reorganize. Then circumstances that typically make me frustrated/angry dissipate.

When I was younger I had road rage and sometimes it comes up when I’m overstimulated or not enough engagement for the day. Mind you for an example I had a truck ride up my ass for no reason on the highway 430am and he wouldn’t go around me and he was so close I couldn’t see his headlights so it became personal I snapped and slammed the brakes to the floor at 75mph. He hit me and spun out.

I’ve learned that doing that won’t fix the ignorance of people.



You only have control of your reactions to stimuli. (I know same bs rhetoric)

Even when I used to do a lot more cardio (boxing) it didn't seem to make much difference. I do walk and use the elliptical machine but not that much per week. I definitely need to walk more just for overall heart health. I'm also gonna buy myself a new bike soon as the used one I bought is ready for the garbage.

 

[Rodafina]

What you described is intense and disruptive enough to definitely consider tackling it from all sides. Talking to a psychiatrist about medication is not a bad idea, but even then, there will be things that you have to continue to do to manage the feelings that cause such angry outbursts.

I also used to have angry outbursts, and although they would be characterized as less intense than what you described, for me they were pretty extreme. I’ve learned that it is the suppression of a meltdown and having no outlet or understanding for sensory and social overload that was causing me to act this way.

Learning about autism is the main thing that helped reduce these behaviors in me. I just didn’t know why I was doing it, but now I understand that if I don’t manage my anxiety on a day-to-day basis, then the addition of sensory overload can send me into the type of outburst that is extremely uncharacteristic for me.

I believe that if I write them out, it will look like very small things, but to me, continually doing the small things is a way to chip away constantly at the anxiety that can build high enough that I do violent things.

- Constantly thinking about breathing. In moments of acute anxiety, I focus 100% of my attention on my breath in and out, trusting completely that even if it doesn’t feel like anything in the moment, it is having a physiological effect on my nervous system and empowering me to think more clearly.

- Regular sleep as much as possible. Although this one is difficult for me, tiredness is a definite trigger for meltdowns and violence.

- Best nutrition possible. Eating and drinking is crucial to our bodies’ ability to manage stress, and to have the fortitude to deal with sensory or emotional overload.

- Outlets for talking. I actually have had much trouble speaking throughout my life, but I am grateful that now I have found outlets for communication. Here on the forum, I can write about my feelings. In private messages with friends, I can get real support and understanding, and in therapy I am learning to use my voice to talk about difficult things. Even though just talking often doesn’t feel like enough, a continuous trickle of thoughts and feelings to someone who understands can help alleviate any building pressure that pent-up anxiety can cause.

- Lastly, if possible, have built in escape plans for you. If you feel your anxiety getting to the point where you can feel a meltdown or a violent outburst, give yourself a chance to escape. A bathroom break, park your car and go for a walk/run, an appropriate place to go and scream into the nothingness. Some sort of controlled outburst, so that the uncontrollable thoughts and feelings can’t take over.

It’s frustrating, I understand, but change is possible.

 

[Ritchie Aprile]

Just to clarify I'm not constantly in an extreme agitated state haha.. I hope I didnt give off that impression. The severity of the anger and agitation varies as much as the frequency does. It's very difficult to pin down exactly how often it happens but it's certainly enough to where I have to do something about it.

This week has been pretty good, no outbursts. Some anger here and there but nothing major.

 

[Ritchie Aprile]

What you described is intense and disruptive enough to definitely consider tackling it from all sides. Talking to a psychiatrist about medication is not a bad idea, but even then, there will be things that you have to continue to do to manage the feelings that cause such angry outbursts.

I also used to have angry outbursts, and although they would be characterized as less intense than what you described, for me they were pretty extreme. I’ve learned that it is the suppression of a meltdown and having no outlet or understanding for sensory and social overload that was causing me to act this way.

Learning about autism is the main thing that helped reduce these behaviors in me. I just didn’t know why I was doing it, but now I understand that if I don’t manage my anxiety on a day-to-day basis, then the addition of sensory overload can send me into the type of outburst that is extremely uncharacteristic for me.

I believe that if I write them out, it will look like very small things, but to me, continually doing the small things is a way to chip away constantly at the anxiety that can build high enough that I do violent things.

- Constantly thinking about breathing. In moments of acute anxiety, I focus 100% of my attention on my breath in and out, trusting completely that even if it doesn’t feel like anything in the moment, it is having a physiological effect on my nervous system and empowering me to think more clearly.

- Regular sleep as much as possible. Although this one is difficult for me, tiredness is a definite trigger for meltdowns and violence.

- Best nutrition possible. Eating and drinking is crucial to our bodies’ ability to manage stress, and to have the fortitude to deal with sensory or emotional overload.

- Outlets for talking. I actually have had much trouble speaking throughout my life, but I am grateful that now I have found outlets for communication. Here on the forum, I can write about my feelings. In private messages with friends, I can get real support and understanding, and in therapy I am learning to use my voice to talk about difficult things. Even though just talking often doesn’t feel like enough, a continuous trickle of thoughts and feelings to someone who understands can help alleviate any building pressure that pent-up anxiety can cause.

- Lastly, if possible, have built in escape plans for you. If you feel your anxiety getting to the point where you can feel a meltdown or a violent outburst, give yourself a chance to escape. A bathroom break, park your car and go for a walk/run, an appropriate place to go and scream into the nothingness. Some sort of controlled outburst, so that the uncontrollable thoughts and feelings can’t take over.

It’s frustrating, I understand, but change is possible.

I thank you for the detailed post. I really feel that joining this forum and talking very bluntly and honestly about my issues with like minded people has already done some good. I especially agree with your point about learning about Autism.

 

[Aspychata]

Excellent, glad you feel accepted here.
My mindset is ignore and don't get angry. I worked a personal injury paralegal job. I saw how debilitating car accidents are. People can get pain and suffering, but all the money in the world doesn't take the back, neck pain people have, or the loss of their legs, hands, or cognitive abilities. It's better to drive defensively. I had a car up my piehole, and l mean bumper on bumper. I pulled a James bond move, and flipped over to the right so quickly, it surprised whoever. So l wait five mins, get back on the single lane residential busy street. About three more mins, guess what? Jerk car got in a accident, and it could have been me. The person was a idiot, or it was a insurance scam, who knows?

 

[Misery]

I don't think I can quit meat though

Something important to understand about all this is that if you want to deal with a difficult problem of this sort, you may have to implement difficult solutions in order to beat it. Often, there is no other choice. And sometimes there's more to a particular aspect of a solution than may be apparent.

I'm not saying you have to quit meat entirely, but if you tend to eat a lot of it, a heavy reduction could perhaps have an effect that could be useful. Think of it this way, whatever stuff you're eating isnt just about reducing hunger or feeling satisfied... all those elements that make up the food DO things, and too much or too little of some important aspect can knock your behavior around a lot. Changing up your diet can have major benefits!

Also, drink a lot of water. Like, a LOT of it. Most people are pretty dehydrated without really realizing it, having a tendency to just go "but I do drink stuff. It isnt water, but it's liquid, so it must count" and that's not really how that works, health-wise. Improving your water intake while cutting back on other things can have way more of an effect than you could guess. Not just about mood & behavior (though it does affect that) but about feeling healthier and having more energy too.

Those things arent easy to do, but again, to beat a challenge you usually have to do challenging things.


Beyond that, I'll second what some of the others have said: Do less driving. Even if that means finding a different job. And yeah, I know, doing THAT is tough... it's your JOB after all... but being smeared all over the road because you had a rage attack while driving and made a crucial mistake due to that would make that utterly irrelevant anyway. Road rage is WAY more dangerous than people realize. And it's not just the risk of you getting killed. How would you feel if some little kid ended up dead, or ended up losing their parents, because of a major accident caused by a rage burst? No matter what it takes, the road rage NEEDS to be beaten. Otherwise, a major incident is likely inevitable. I've been in car accidents before (one of which utterly destroyed the car I was in) and I tell ya, you dont want that experience. Even if nobody gets seriously injured, it'll haunt you endlessly. Whatever it takes to avoid that... it's worth it.

I will say though, it's REALLY good that you understand the problem. A lot of people who scream in their cars a lot will just constantly say "what? It's not MY problem, it's THEIR fault" which... yeah, that dont work. But you see the issue outright, and that's a very good thing.

For what it's worth, I understand some of where the anger comes from. If you're frequently forced to drive a lot in major urban areas, well... *shudder*

Yeah. I get it. I do a *lot* of driving myself (though, in my case, it's mostly because I feel like it) but I live in the absolute middle of nowhere. Do ya like grass? Well you can see a LOT of it around here. Driving around here is super relaxing (unless it snows), but the very moment you put me into an urban area, things start to go south. It's just... so bloody irritating... too many idiots all at once, too many stoplights. I can keep myself calm, but yeah, I understand where the blazing anger comes from. NOBODY likes having to deal with a zillion morons all at the same time. In what is often start-and-stop traffic, no less. And if you're in all that while on your way to something unpleasant, like a place of work? That makes it even worse! So... yeah, it's absolutely understandable, and I think a bunch of us here can sympathize with that frustration.

Uh, what else...

Do you have any particular mentally engaging activities to do? I dont mean your job, I mean something that ISNT your job. I dont know if this is the case for most people, but for myself, I find that over time I start to build up a lot of energy. If I dont spend that mental energy by doing things that are engaging enough to actually use it, eventually, I will get overloaded, and I'll start to crack.

Hobbies can be very important with that. I dont mean working out, I mean something that's purely working the mind. Maybe it's solving puzzles, maybe it's building difficult models that require precision and careful application of tools, just... something. Some sort of outlet for that energy. But if it isnt engaging enough, it wont work (so, something like just staring at movies aint gonna cut it. You have to be actually DOING things).

If you already have a hobby, maybe consider getting another one. Something that helped me a ton when I was going through my own loopy emotion crisis was getting additional hobbies. Just doing the same one over and over all the time got me stuck in a rut, so to speak, and that was more damaging than you'd expect. Getting OUT of that rut, by simply giving myself more options of things to do, helped so, so much.



Aaaaaanyway, that's just my own thoughts on the matter. I know something like this aint easy, I used to struggle with anger myself, but you CAN beat this. Be sure not to tell yourself otherwise.