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An annoying habit my friend has

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by hatfullofrain, Jul 20, 2020.

  1. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    I don't know whether to tell her how annoying this is.

    When she tells an anecdote and she's repeating what another person said she puts on a really annoying, nasal voice for their words. It just sounds really obnoxious and a bit like she's making fun of the person. It's not one specific person, but just any person who talks in the anecdote. If they're American she'll put on an American accent. If they're French, then she'll use a "French" accent.

    She's a nice person. I don't think she is actually making fun of the person, but I don't think she is aware that the tone of voice she is using sounds mocking.

    I don't know whether to tell her how obnoxious this is or not. Her social skills aren't brilliant and she has trouble making friends and dating, so she's probably totally oblivious to how irritating and seemingly unkind this habit is. I suspect it puts people off her.

    I also suffer from misophonia, so I don't know if I just find this tone of voice especially jarring or if others find it obnoxious too.
     
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  2. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Prehaps focus on the fact you think she's a nice person, some members here are very informed of the correct 'label' and explanation of how aspects of behaviour presents in N/D people i'm not one of them so will share that i do exactly as your friend does......... My most recent boss has a high pitched voice and i can and have 'mimicked her voice when she's spoken, not to be rude or to make others laugh but bacause it was 'odd' and different, my lack of social/communication skills may be a factor always as 'hey she's my boss so commards respect right?'
    Your friends insight is important here, and if you do care for her i suggest if you wish to address this you do so with kindness and compassion.
     
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  3. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Don't most people do something of that nature?
     
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  4. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    No, they just tell the story straight. No silly voices.

    The only other person I know who does that is her Dad and he's just as annoying.
     
  5. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think it would be ok to tell her that YOU find it obnoxious. That's all you can say really, as you don't know anyone else's opinion. Unless you have heard others discuss this? But maybe put it really tactfully. Eg, 'when you quote other people in your stories, that voice you do goes right through me, it jangles me, sorry to be so sensitive, could you just quote them without that tone?', then remind her when she does it.
     
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  6. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member It's My Birthday!

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    Most people I've met do accents in storytelling, I think it's normal. Could be she's a lousy mimic - some people are very good at it.
     
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  7. hatfullofrain

    hatfullofrain Well-Known Member

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    It's a nasal, mocking, abrasive voice. Like say how a comedian would mock a politician. My Mum only puts on a voice like that if shes making fun of her mother-in-law.

    I was just thinking my sister imitated her friend saying something and it didn't grate on me because was a pleasant, soft voice that didn't insult the other person and sounded like her.

    My friend has the tone all wrong. Shes just telling us about something someone said, but she's using a mocking tone without realising it. She's trying to be lightly humourous, but it comes over like she's mocking them. Especially because her eyeryday voice is very demure and she's quite well spoken. It sounds like she's making fun of commoners .
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2020
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  8. Els

    Els Well-Known Member

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    As you said, she might not know it's annoying for others. Maybe if you talk to her, depending on her temperament, you can show her other possibilities of telling a story which implies mimicking others but without necessarily using this way of doing it. I think it really depends on her personality though, and maybe it bothers you but not other people. I have no idea how she sounds, so I don't know. When I was living abroad, people were mimicking my foreign accent to "make fun". Most of them were trying to be friendly/funny, but didn't understand that it was annoying. I think it's pretty common. I'm not sure whether it annoys me personally or if it's annoying on a larger scale, so unless they were close people I just ignored. I find this rude but it was really happening all the time, so I'm not sure if it's rude or trying to be friendly by teasing.
    For me I received it as rude as mimicking someone's ticks in front of him to make him see that he looks bad. I dislike it and don't see the point of this kind of humiliation. I like irony and teasing though, and sometimes I can make people feel uncomfortable as well. But I'm not sure mimicking others' accents is a good type of irony or teasing, I wouldn't do that.
    Well, in the end I don't really know lol :)
    I think it matters to know if you find it hurtful or not nice for you or not.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2020
  9. menander

    menander Well-Known Member

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    When people point out one another's faults it never goes well. We are all ego driven. If you tell her that , she may think about it a lot and wonder what else she is doing "wrong". I let stuff go with friends unless it really is invading my well being and they know it. Then I might ask, "You know that hurts me. Why are you doing it?"

    Just ask yourself WHEN, if EVER, anyone has ever been told they should not do XYZ and they face palmed themselves and said, "GOOD GRACIOUS! You're RIGHT!"

    No, the first reaction is SHAME, followed by introspection similar to: "WTH? What about what THEY do? What about all the times I sucked up that spinach they always refuse to brush out or that body odor they act like they don't have or that slight they are always using against my partner?!! What an idiot!" or "Gosh, I must suck. I really perfected that and thought it was funny. What else have I stupidly done thinking I was OK and was not? My gosh! I can't say anything anymore!"

    It will cause a change in the relationship and they way she sees you. Suddenly it won't be a free pass because you took yours away. I would say Suck It Up.
     
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  10. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Well there you go. Like father like daughter.
     
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  11. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    "Are you trying to mock them when you use that voice?"

    Then she would say, "No."

    And you would say, "It kinda sounds like you are. Maybe if you used a nicer voice it wouldn't."
     
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