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ambiguous flirting/ friendship

whale_bone

whale_bone

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Ok so I've been told that I "lead people on" simply by pursuing interesting conversations. I don't really know how to refuse flirting. I don't mind it sometimes, of course... but I don't want to be out breaking peoples hearts just because I don't know how to convince someone that I'm not interested in pursuing something more romantic. Sometimes I say this explicitly but still my behaviour somehow gets interpreted as flirty, and I'm cast as the mean-'ol heartbreaker. :-( boooo.

advice?
 
Be direct as possible. I think people often see what they want to see merely because they are interested in someone. They may ignore or down play the significance of you hinting that you aren't interested.
 
mindwar said:
Be direct as possible. I think people often see what they want to see merely because they are interested in someone. They may ignore or down play the significance of you hinting that you aren't interested.
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I am very huggy and affectionate and flirtatious. I have never had an issue with that and most don't
 
Try not to look at people that much.. When someone has the "hots" for you, they will look for signs of attraction and look for those signs in you. So, if you look at them, they will think it is a sign that you like them.. If you add a smile to that, you're in trouble :) I can understand, I have the same problem.

I work in a huge place, and I have lots of co-workers, many of them male.. Right now about 5 people (guys) think I'm flirting with them.. And they keep saying: hello, hi, how are you today, opening doors for me -- one of them keeps smiling and blushing... And I can't stand it! Now I just do not look at them.. I just say hi.
My problem is that I look at people, maybe even stare at them, but I'm not aware of doing so, until it is too late, and people start asking me out. And that is when it gets really awkward!!
 
whale_bone said:
Ok so I've been told that I "lead people on" simply by pursuing interesting conversations. I don't really know how to refuse flirting. I don't mind it sometimes, of course... but I don't want to be out breaking peoples hearts just because I don't know how to convince someone that I'm not interested in pursuing something more romantic. Sometimes I say this explicitly but still my behaviour somehow gets interpreted as flirty, and I'm cast as the mean-'ol heartbreaker. :-( boooo.

advice?
Click to expand...

Just do what you want to do - have good-natured fun of your definition. My thoughts
 
I think mild flirting is generally harmless (especially when it's unintentional), but if it gets out of hand or is making you or the other person uncomfortable, then you have to make the situation clear. But I never mentioned it randomly, I always waited until the other person did something that made you uncomfortable and then brought it up in a "Hey, I hope you don't get the wrong idea" sort of way. Just make sure you're extra nice about it. I think it goes without saying how embarrassing it would be to be the other person, so handle it lightheartedly.
 
It's usually the guys asking the women out, and they are usually rejected. They are used to it.

It's unusual for a woman to keep talking to someone who shows a romantic interest that she does not reciprocate. This does not make sense to me, but it is a cultural norm.

I think it's safe to have (unintendedly) flirty friendships that never go anywhere.
 
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