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Featured Am I ugly? Or average?

Discussion in 'PDD-NOS, Social Anxiety and Others' started by Frostee, Nov 29, 2019.

  1. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Gonna stick with what I was saying earlier.

    Someone who is posing in a photo clearly must be stuck up or whatever because.....? There is no actual logical answer there. Just a bunch of nonsensical assumptions supported by bloody nothing.

    Not to mention that you cant even know the CONTEXT of the photos. Someone is all dressed up, right... ever think they might be at an event? Or they're at home about to go to one and their SO says "hey lemme take a picture before we leave" or something (who knows how many times I've seen family members do THAT one). And that maybe they are using the picture because, you know... it's freaking there? Hell, I've DONE that. "This isnt a normal photo of me, it's a convention photo, but.... eh screw it, I'm supposed to put a photo here and this is a photo and who cares, so here we go". Done that, with that very reasoning. Has less than less than nothing to do with being "shallow". Heck, for all you know, the reasoning for being in such-and-such "overgroomed" outfit could be "LOL let's roll some dice and see what loopy outfit I use today". You dont know. Or maybe someone is all dressed up simply because they enjoy it, or maybe it's even a hobby of theirs or related to a career. Heck, my mom works in a place that's all about teaching hair stylists, right? The place has no other purpose. OF COURSE her hair is going to be freaking immaculate in any photo of her. It's not a matter of "oh she's shallow/stuck-up, she's showing off like that with all that effort in her hair". Instead it's a matter of "she does the hair stuff all the bloody time and is exposed to it from 9-5 every day. To her it's not even a big deal, it just is what it is". Again, you dont know that until you get to know the person.

    To be totally honest and very blunt here.... this sort of attitude being displayed here is, in and of itself, VERY shallow. It could pretty much be shown as a definition of the term. Someone looking at things as you're suggesting is not only seeing ONLY the surface (while being hyper-nearsighted), but that someone is also assuming that there ISNT anything under that surface. Like looking at the deepest spot in the ocean and going "yeah, I bet I could wade through there just fine" simply because your vision doesnt penetrate it very far. That's not exactly a deep way of thinking there.

    In other words... anyone finding themselves looking at others this way might wanna check their own views and behavior, before making assumptions about others. Because the shallowness might not be where they think it is.


    And in case anyone asks why I'm getting vehement about this: Because I deal with this alot in person. People either avoid me because they think I look weird, or they take offense to my lack of "masculinity" and think I must be some sort of total wuss (or just use that as an excuse to hate me overall), or they think I'm a freaking kid. They make all of these assumptions before I even say a single word (and then later on, people will wonder why I dont want to waste time with conversation). They dont know a blasted thing about me, yet because of my APPEARANCE, they believe that they do. Ridiculous. And I tell ya, it gets old. And that's what you're doing to people, when you look at them with that attitude. Whether it's on a bloody dating site or not is irrelevant.
     
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  2. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm inclined to think that such questions only really matter online or if you work or profit from the cosmetics, fashion or perhaps media industries. Venues where honesty and character aren't revered nearly as much as just garnering audiences for profit or personal gain.

    That otherwise most people worth getting to know are more likely to accept you based on who you are and how you actually come across to them in real time.

    Looks aren't everything, apart from the reality that they fade with time.

    "Every day ya get older. Now that's a law!" - Butch Cassidy ;)
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2019
  3. WildCat

    WildCat and his scatterbrain V.I.P Member

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    Can you create a new Reddit account to shake off the scumbags? I mean, assuming their opinions matter to you that badly. You've already discussed that as well and you were told why it happened.
     
  4. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    In that situation, what does "you winning" look like...?

    Are you familiar with the Law of Diminishing Returns?

    (the law of) diminishing returns
    phrase of diminish
    noun:
    law of diminishing returns
    used to refer to a point at which the level of profits or benefits gained is less than the amount of money or energy invested.
     
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  5. Ken

    Ken Active Member

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    It took me 67 years to figure this one out. I had the same problem with appearance / attractiveness. It turns out, however, it was never my physical appearance; it was my expression and body language. NT's communication relies heavily on expression, body language and tone of voice. I am oblivious to all of these, which is very off-putting to NT's.

    This is where my wife has been a huge help. Note the smile in my avatar - my wife taught me how to do that. Huge difference in social attractiveness. If you want to be more attractive, learn how to smile, learn about expression, body language and tone of voice. It's all still rote to me, but it's what is need to socialize, especially with NT's.
     
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  6. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    This whole thread is an example of "fishing for compliments."

    You are self-obsessed. Get over yourself. Do something nice for someone else and stop worrying about stuff like this.
     
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  7. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Or get a talking mirror... :p
     
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  8. Rasputin

    Rasputin Active Member

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    Ken, you nailed it. I could never smile from about age 4 on. However, I started working to make myself more attractive after I had graduated from college. I am 61 now, and still have difficulty smiling. However, my wife and her family have helped me out a great deal. I do have a very good recent photo with me smiling, which is in stark contrast to my appearance in school photos.

    Also, I have seen divergent views on this thread regarding appearances and dating. No one is totally right in my opinion. Whether you are a man or a woman, you ought to care about your appearance because it affects how you feel about yourself. Also, it is natural to to be interested in dating people who are attractive. The most important thing, however, is to focus on personality, values, and inner beauty.
     
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  9. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Smile! It Increases Your Face Value
    [​IMG]
     
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  10. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Shel Silverstein wrote a poem called The Winner, which Bobby Bare turned into a song.
     
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  11. lolcatal

    lolcatal Well-Known Member

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    If you want a monogamous relationship, you only need one person to find you attractive.

    Attractiveness is always very confusing to me. I can never guess who the "attractive" people are and who the "unattractive" people are. The people I find very attractive are sometimes considered ugly by other people, but sometimes attractive, so I can't just assume the opposite of my preferences. Also, I don't ever think someone is "ugly" unless they have an ugly personality that shows through on their face. I love distinctive features like large ears, high foreheads, large noses, etc. I'm often shocked by the people society deems attractive.
     
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