Am I ugly? Or average?

[Frostee]

I made a thread on Reddit about my lack of Tinder likes. I did this because I was wondering if I was actually kinda unattractive, as I am only get 10 likes a day which doesn’t seem like much. My likes decrease sometimes too.

I got a reply saying that I was a 4/10 and would be at the bottom of the totem poll, and no one would pay attention to me.

This is whatever, but it is something at the back of my mind. I always thought that I was average looks wise but these lacks of contacts and likes had made me wonder if I am actually quite unattractive.

Or is it the case that young woman have exceedingly high standards? I am ready to pull out of Tinder, seems like a waste of time now.

This is his reply by the way:

"You are a 4/10 at best. There are more handsome men out there than you. They are getting all the likes and getting all the dates. The handsome guys will always get pushed to the top. Less handsome guys like you will end up at the bottom. Why would girls go for an ugly guy when there are so many handsome guys on tap?

Your video is super camp. Why don’t you try Grindr?"

 

[onlything]

I would say 6 or 7. The photos are not the best shots out there though. Try to work more on the angle and light of the camera and get additional pictures done that aren't selfies. Sometimes it's less about content and more about representation.

 

[Frostee]

I would say 6 or 7. The photos are not the best shots out there though. Try to work more on the angle and light of the camera and get additional pictures done that aren't selfies. Sometimes it's less about content and more about representation.

What do you mean? Is this photo better?

 

[Trophonius]

Let's just say that I would prefer to have your face than my own.

The haircut could be better. Smiling in pictures helps. Having pictures in which you are doing something (a hobby is fine, like outdoor activities or whatever) is also good.

 

[onlything]

What do you mean? Is this photo better?

A bit better. You look a bit younger there, is it a recent photo?

In general, you need more photos where you look natural and especially some where you smile nicely or laugh, or do something alone and/or with someone.

 

[Misery]

Honestly, it's pointless asking this one. The problem is, different people find different physical traits to be "attractive".

In my case, I have a feminine look to me. I've mentioned this before. I've always been like that, it's not some thing I just decided on. Come to think of it, it might be what triggered my gender issues to start, but... that's another topic. Anyway, I've even gone to conventions and dressed as female characters, and, well... reactions were typically very positive. Some people REALLY like that sort of look, though I'm male. Sometimes people got a little weird about it.

But... others really DONT like it. Some outright hate that! I've certainly gotten insults about that. Particularly back in my school days, because of course. That's what school is for, right? But it's not like I've never gotten insults since then. Even my mom has complained about it a few times. She thought I should do something to change how I look because "you look like a girl! You need to fix that!". Fortunately she doesnt say that anymore.

Heck, *I* have problems with the way I look, but... again, that's another topic.

My point is, there is no perfect appearance. No grand scale that you can be objectively rated on. What some people may see as a 9 out of 10 (or whatever bloody scale it is) might be a 3 out of 10 to someone else. It's all subjective!

But here's something else to consider: Alot of people really dont like it if you're directly ASKING things like "am I attractive?". I *think* they kinda see it as being similar to saying "EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION TO ME". So some that reply to you may say something nasty because they think that's why you're posting like that. Also, trolls. Never forget the existence of trolls. You post something about yourself, a picture, or maybe something you made, and there's ALWAYS going to be some jerks that'll be happy to tell you it sucks simply because they want to see you react to what they say. Dont forget that.

Also consider the well known phrase: "We're all our own worst critics". In many cases, it is true.

Lastly: Cameras are strange things. I've done photos of myself before, typically to show off some costume to some friend. And I noticed, the photos tended to look very... bleh. I'd then look in the mirror, and something seemed off. What I saw in the photo never quite matched what I saw in the mirror. And this is something I"ve heard from others at times too, who experienced the same thing. It turns out there IS an explanation for this, but it's one of those "I didnt understand a bit of it" sorts of things for me. I'm no photographer, after all. But someone that actually understands things like portrait photography could probably explain it, maybe. There are a variety of articles and things you can read on the subject as well. I think it's something that's useful to know, for those that have self-confidence issues when seeing themselves in photos.

I hope I'm making sense here, I sure have had alot of caffeine today.

 

[Kalinychta]

Didn’t we just have this conversation? You posted a thread about this exact same topic a few weeks ago.

 

[tree]

Didn’t we just have this conversation? You posted a thread about this exact same topic a few weeks ago.

Feeling Self Conscious about looks
Depression: realising that i’m not as attractive or as gifted as I thought I was

It's a recurring topic, concern about physical appearance.

 

[Tom]

I haven't looked at the photos, but based on the law of averages, you probably look average.

 

[Sherlock77]

I am convinced that no one is "ugly", as a person who does street photography and stranger portraits, I think that everyone has a beauty to them, in different ways...

 

[Crossbreed]

Am I ugly? Or average?

It depends on who you ask. (And, even then, it is a reflection of their tastes, not your objective qualities.)

 

[Sherlock77]

And... Pay very little attention to social media, it's a game people play, particularly the vain and narcissistic types... Not worth playing

I post photos on my Instagram as a semi-pro photographer, I don't get much attention paid to me, certainly compared to other photographers I know, I'm slowly learning that even the lack of attention I get isn't that important...

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Attractiveness is subjective, a 7 to one person may be a 3 to another, and the attractiveness rating system is silly and immature, but regardless surely a 4 is solidly within the range that could be classed as "average".

Personally I'd say you are average, but you look miserable in your photos which is going to put people off, you can't get any idea of your body type from those photos which is important to many people, and IMO the patchy beard makes you look ungroomed/slovenly. I know it's probably just that the photo was taken at an unfortunate time or you're just not old enough to grow a decent beard yet, but I think unless you can grow full, even and tidy stubble any attempt at a beard will leave you looking like you've been sleeping on the streets.

 

[WildCat]

If you put your photo up in a thread asking what your rating is on (insert subjective trait), prepare to get judged. Sometimes harshly so, because people tend to be unfiltered when there's nothing but a screen in front of them. That's the internet for you, in case it hasn't already sunk in yet. I also don't know why you're touching on this subject again, but nothing out of the ordinary here where reposts of the same topic are common.

From the 3rd photo you posted (not the 2 in the first post), I'd honestly say in the ballpark of average. That's the kind of photo you should use in my opinion, one that gives a good impression on the surface. That doesn't mean there's no room for improvement either, but you can figure that out on your own. Good luck with your endeavors.

Also...what the hell is "super camp"? I looked up Grindr and...never mind.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

You were probably reviewed there by some mass of tentacles with three heads which turn all the way round. I.e something which is disgusting to look at and jealous.

Seriously don't put yourself out there like this. You're only going to be roasted on the internet which won't do your mood any good.

Coming from someone in a relationship, look after yourself, hold your head high and try your best to have a positive demeanour about yourself. Do this and your chances will increase. Become extrovert in your manners.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

you got two options:

raise your status or go find another 4.

 

[unperson]

Seen worse Frostee, the scowly look in the selfies isn't attractive, but the smiling pic someone else took is more appealing.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I think the OP has a true case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, where a person thinks they're ugly when they are really not. Or if they do have a so-called flaw their view of it is greatly exaggerated.

Personally, I don't usually care how a person looks on the outside. But I do have to be truthful about extreme things, like a person with hideous teeth, or lesions all over their face, or they smell like they came from a place where soap and toothpaste are banned by law. I think that's a quite natural reaction to someone who looks that way because they might have a contagious disease.

But when a person has a so-called flaw, like ears that stick out, I don't usually even notice until other people start making fun of them. Face-blindness, maybe?

 

[Crossbreed]

To the OP: Remember, your ancestors who looked like you were able to get a date...!

 

[Frostee]

I think the OP has a true case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, where a person thinks they're ugly when they are really not. Or if they do have a so-called flaw their view of it is greatly exaggerated.

Personally, I don't usually care how a person looks on the outside. But I do have to be truthful about extreme things, like a person with hideous teeth, or lesions all over their face, or they smell like they came from a place where soap and toothpaste are banned by law. I think that's a quite natural reaction to someone who looks that way because they might have a contagious disease.

But when a person has a so-called flaw, like ears that stick out, I don't usually even notice until other people start making fun of them. Face-blindness, maybe?

You say this whilst others say I look like a 4.