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Am I too old to be self-conscious?

Levitator

Well-Known Member
I've taken to removing words from sentences and phrases to make them more accurate or pertinent:
"Am I Too Old to be Conscious?"
 

Levitator

Well-Known Member
"Am I too Conscious?". You can really pare that down, and it remains, if nothing else, increasingly relevant.
 

Neri

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I used to be able to armor myself and not care, but I'm agoraphobic as well, and it's definitely due to feeling unsafe from people's judgement, here in my village. My ex was brutal in his psychological abuse and it took it's toll on my ability to feel comfortable enough here in the village. It ok and normal to care whether you are accepted or not, but it sure feels horrible if you give it too much weight. It's a challenge to hold your head high, regardless, and something I'm working on.
 

kriss72

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
(Disclaimer I'm in the +50 category)

Hmm... I would probably say I don't care about what others think, but it is a simplification, it's more like, I can't handle thinking about what others think, no matter what I do, some people will disapprove and some will approve. I have tried to be "normal" but I can't, I'm autistic and probably other things :)

As I think I have mentioned before, I'm the kind of person that makes parents shy when their children points at me or talk about me. Could I choose to look more mainstream? Sure, I could - but why should I spend a lot of energy to mask, I'll fail anyway... I rather spend my time in front of the mirror to make me look the way I like it - I'm living my life, I'm not trying to get elected to parlement. And to be honest, I've had more adults come up to me saying something positive to my face than the opposite.
 

Cassandra65

New Member
All my adult life so far I have been very easily embarrassed, self-conscious, and conscientious of what people think of me, especially when out in public. I don't like being judged, stared at, scrutinized, etc. it's just a fear of mine. I have social anxiety, which isn't just something you can switch off like a light and "just not care" when subconsciously you do care and you can't help it.

I was chatting to an (NT) aunt tonight, telling her how I worry about what people think of me, even strangers, and she lectured that I'm "too old" to care what others think, and that she no longer cares what people think. But she's in her 60s, while I'm only in my early 30s. I thought it was quite normal to care what others think, and some of us feel more self-conscious than others. I didn't know that once you hit 30 you have to grow out of caring. I do care. When people are judging me I can feel it. Although I am not shy in the same way I was when I was a teenager, I do worry if I look weird or whatever, and I don't want to look weird. Surely there aren't many people in their 30s who don't care what others think, especially among NTs.

I don't like people saying I'm too old for something, as I feel like they're implying that I'm childish and immature and that I should just grow up. But I don't think it's childish or immature to care what people think when you're out in public. Do you?
I'm 58 and I still hate that feeling of being judged and I avoid those who make me feel that way. I have social anxiety too. I see no reason for age to be a factor - how you feel is how you feel, and you are entitled to feel however that is! x
 

Cassandra65

New Member
I like to be invisible when in public, unless I know somebody of course, or if someone wants to make smalltalk or whatever. But that's all friendliness and makes me feel at ease. It's when people stare like they disapprove or are judging me that makes me feel uncomfortable. Also I've had girls randomly laughing at me. One time I was in a restaurant and there were these two girls on the table next to me that I was facing. Behind me was just a brick wall. My husband had got up to order our meals, while I just sat sipping my drink and minding my own business. Then something made me look up at the girls, even though I hadn't really noticed them at first, and I could tell they seemed to be snickering and looking at me. They can't have been looking at anything behind me, as there was just a brick wall there, so it was obvious that they were laughing at me. For what reason I do not know, as I wasn't doing anything funny. I was in my 20s then and the girls looked around the same age as me (not teenagers or kids). I don't dress bizarrely or look unkempt, and I don't do unusual things like stand on my head.

Also I remember a time when I was 17 (which probably was what started this all off) when I was sitting in the cinema with my first boyfriend (also 17). We and this other young teenage couple were the only ones in the row of seats we were sitting in. He has his arm around me as we watched the movie. But I noticed the other couple kept giggling at us, even though they were boyfriend and girlfriend doing the same thing we were doing (on a date at the movies on a Saturday, a very normal activity for any couples especially teenagers). I wasn't sure why they were laughing at us, as we weren't doing anything other than sitting watching a movie like everyone else. Sure he had his arm around me but the kids laughing also had their arms around each other so it wasn't like they were embarrassed or anything.

I just get mad that strangers care enough about other strangers to actually pay to see a movie only to sit and giggle at other people who aren't even doing anything remotely weird or funny. Surely the movie is funnier than a normal couple sitting in your row doing a normal activity. Apparently not. I must have this big neon sign attached to me that makes everyone notice me and laugh at me.
I try and tell myself that those people are obviously sad people who must have very empty lives if they have nothing better to think about, so who cares about their judgements of me? But it's easier said than done and doesn't always work!
 

Cassandra65

New Member
Absolutely -
People only stare at me if I attempt to be outgoing (telling a joke, etc), which is why I rarely do it. I've tried to do it more, and I get bewildered looks, and it winds up a strong deterrent. It puts you back in your snail shell, and now you're non-existent to people. Two flavors of lousy.
Absolutely! Any failures stack up and make any subsequent attempts much harder. Particularly if you have an eidetic memory, it's really hard to overcome past mistakes and try again
 

marc_101

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
My mom is 82. She gets skin treatments because she doesn't want to look old because people are going to think she is old...

I'm pretty sure that I'll die worrying what other people think of me. I re-read what I write in this forum so I don't convey the wrong message in part because I worry of what you will think of me, even if you don't know anything about me.

I think this is true for all humans. What is different is how much we care and how much of it we show.
 

Levitator

Well-Known Member
I'm 58 and I still hate that feeling of being judged and I avoid those who make me feel that way. I have social anxiety too. I see no reason for age to be a factor - how you feel is how you feel, and you are entitled to feel however that is! x
There's a lot of the classical stuff that I've gone through and forgotten about it or grown to take it for granted because there is a lot of social pressure in favor of the "thick skin", and to "toughen up". It definitely makes me anxious to be sociable, and for a lot of reasons, like having been physically smacked around so many times in my life for nothing more than being myself
.
A lot of you I've seen have overcome all the repression to be really outgoing despite the stereotypes about the condition, and those people have a unique and uninhibited charm about them. When you interpret it from the perspective that a person processes things differently, and you're just seeing their personality from an unusual perspective, that's a different perspective than the ugly one social norms impose.
 

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
All my adult life so far I have been very easily embarrassed, self-conscious, and conscientious of what people think of me, especially when out in public. I don't like being judged, stared at, scrutinized, etc. it's just a fear of mine. I have social anxiety, which isn't just something you can switch off like a light and "just not care" when subconsciously you do care and you can't help it.

I was chatting to an (NT) aunt tonight, telling her how I worry about what people think of me, even strangers, and she lectured that I'm "too old" to care what others think, and that she no longer cares what people think. But she's in her 60s, while I'm only in my early 30s. I thought it was quite normal to care what others think, and some of us feel more self-conscious than others. I didn't know that once you hit 30 you have to grow out of caring. I do care. When people are judging me I can feel it. Although I am not shy in the same way I was when I was a teenager, I do worry if I look weird or whatever, and I don't want to look weird. Surely there aren't many people in their 30s who don't care what others think, especially among NTs.

I don't like people saying I'm too old for something, as I feel like they're implying that I'm childish and immature and that I should just grow up. But I don't think it's childish or immature to care what people think when you're out in public. Do you?
I do care sometimes in fact I feel a lot like you.
I feel insecure and self conscious does not matter how I look.
I feel embarrassed easily.
However I will never let anyone bring me down ever.
Because I will always stand in my truths it does not matter if it kills me.
I do not know who to have as my friend sometimes when everyone seems like my enemy.
And it is so stupid in the sense that there are people out there who may still hang onto to love and care for me that I do not want to let go of
But bpd is hard and has to be understood
Everything I feel and think in terms of the things I think are right are invalidated and I cannot let myself abused
I worth more than that and someone who thinks that is funny when I am very unwell.
I am worth so much just for me and just because others not seeing that about themselves is no sweat off my back.
I do not believe everyone persists each day in insecurities
But I still have them as well in terms of I feel similar but also I am allowed to love and accept myself after long illness and anyone who says not thinks irrational
And that is an irrational view and a sick view
Because in trauma I think you want to move forward and will not take any longer abuse.
 

lovely_darlingprettybaby

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
All my adult life so far I have been very easily embarrassed, self-conscious, and conscientious of what people think of me, especially when out in public. I don't like being judged, stared at, scrutinized, etc. it's just a fear of mine. I have social anxiety, which isn't just something you can switch off like a light and "just not care" when subconsciously you do care and you can't help it.

I was chatting to an (NT) aunt tonight, telling her how I worry about what people think of me, even strangers, and she lectured that I'm "too old" to care what others think, and that she no longer cares what people think. But she's in her 60s, while I'm only in my early 30s. I thought it was quite normal to care what others think, and some of us feel more self-conscious than others. I didn't know that once you hit 30 you have to grow out of caring. I do care. When people are judging me I can feel it. Although I am not shy in the same way I was when I was a teenager, I do worry if I look weird or whatever, and I don't want to look weird. Surely there aren't many people in their 30s who don't care what others think, especially among NTs.

I don't like people saying I'm too old for something, as I feel like they're implying that I'm childish and immature and that I should just grow up. But I don't think it's childish or immature to care what people think when you're out in public. Do you?
You know what too, it does not matter the age.
Old people may be insecure too.
I do not think with adhd or asd it is wrong to feel that at any age.
Or is wrong at all whether you have disabilities or not.
 

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