AnonymousMe
Well-Known Member
Hey everyone, my thoughts of how I see myself are a bit of a mess right now and I want to share with you all a brief summary of who and how I am and what I plan to become so you all tell me if I’m self-improving or self-sabotaging. I don’t get offended easily, so don’t be afraid of being brutally honest with me, as long as it’s constructive criticism of course. So, here’s what happened.
I’m a 33-year-old dude, 5’ 11’’, nearly 210 pounds with 26% body fat and diagnosed with level 1 autism. I spend almost all of my days inside my parent’s house, doing indoor activities like doing all sorts of stuff on my laptop, watching old cartoons (mainly pre-2015), playing single-player video games, listening to all types of metal music and weightlifting, although this is currently paused because I’m trying to get a treadmill; I can only go down to 170 lbs. through weightlifting alone. I don’t like watching or doing anything that’s mainstream, so I don’t have social media, no streaming services and I don’t give a crap about celebrities and politics. I don’t have any offline friends, but I’m fine with that because I’m awful at socializing (I’m always serious and rarely smile, so I tend to be avoided). I’m afraid in participating physical activities too out of fear of embarrassment. I also tend to avoid family gatherings and not much of a party guy either, especially because I cannot drink or smoke (kidney transplant).
I can’t stand being a single virgin and I am trying to self-improve to hopefully catch someone’s attention, like doing exercise and everything I’ll mention after this paragraph. I tried a dating app for chubby people, but was mostly ignored by the ladies. Although I didn’t like the idea at all, I also tried another dating app for chubby gay guys, despite the fact that I don’t like guys much. I figured that I might as well start with someone that’s the same as me. There is an older guy that lives near me that’s willing to give me a chance and although I don’t find him attractive at all (he’s way fatter than me), I figured that my dating life has to start somewhere. If he’s what I can get, then I guess I can take it.
I wasted my 20s doing absolutely nothing, but re-entered university in late-2018 and recently finished all of my classes. I haven’t graduated and obtained my bachelor’s degree in graphic design though. For that, I need to pass a final exam that’s called the “General Exam for Graduation of the Degree,” which I don’t think I’m going to pass. If I fail, I’ll have to wait until May 2024 to sign up for a specialist course that’ll take 12 months to complete. So, if I get lucky, I’ll get my degree in 2025, which sucks because my parents had to pay more than what they needed for me to still probably get that goddamn piece of paper. However, I don’t want to work on what I studied. I can draw better than most people, but when compared to what even my former classmates did, my stuff is just sad. Undoubtedly not professional-level and I fear of embarrassing anyone that hires me. So, whether I fail the test or not, it doesn’t matter. Pretty much, the only reason I want the degree is to increase my chances of landing in any job with lots of free time and to decrease my chances of getting fired.
Yeah, I’m someone that values free time more than money. I’d be OK working on a half-time job that’s enough to pay the bills for a single guy living in a tiny, tiny apartment. I am not someone with many needs. I’m a picky eater, so I tend to eat mostly the same stuff every day. I also try to save money and resources like water, gas, etc. I do use a lot of electricity though. Speaking of gas, I have a Smart Fortwo 2008, but don’t drive it because I don’t have a driver’s license. I think I am getting close to getting it though. I say “I think” because I need some help from my dad and I’m just waiting for him.
I have dreams and goals. There’s some that I’m pursuing more than others, but overall, they are nothing spectacular. They’re just everyday things that normal people obtain casually and that take for granted. The biggest one I have is to get a girlfriend, at least one before I die. I’m polyamorous too, but that’s one that I have very little hope for, especially when it’s hard for me to even befriend acquaintances. Just so you all know, I always jokingly say that I have more chances at seeing a ghost on Friday the 13th under a blue moon while all the planets are aligned, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t try.
Anyway, another one I have is to become more independent. Even if I end up doing the bare minimum where I can pay for my needs in exchange for my wants, I’d be OK with it. I don’t think I’m good enough to reach a middle-class citizen anyway, if I did, that would blow my mind. My more extraordinary dreams are not worth mentioning, but some of them include being more in shape, writing a novel, have a video game collection and buy a TPE sex doll, in case I never find someone.
That’s all I can think of for the moment. So how would you all describe me? Am I being real or delusional? Am I aware of my limits or am I devaluating myself? Am I being (sufficiently) ambitious or lazy? Am I smart or dumb? Am I settling for less/mediocrity or am I a minimalist? Is all of this making me attractive or ugly? Likable or unlikable? Just tell me. Feel free to ask questions though.
I’m a 33-year-old dude, 5’ 11’’, nearly 210 pounds with 26% body fat and diagnosed with level 1 autism. I spend almost all of my days inside my parent’s house, doing indoor activities like doing all sorts of stuff on my laptop, watching old cartoons (mainly pre-2015), playing single-player video games, listening to all types of metal music and weightlifting, although this is currently paused because I’m trying to get a treadmill; I can only go down to 170 lbs. through weightlifting alone. I don’t like watching or doing anything that’s mainstream, so I don’t have social media, no streaming services and I don’t give a crap about celebrities and politics. I don’t have any offline friends, but I’m fine with that because I’m awful at socializing (I’m always serious and rarely smile, so I tend to be avoided). I’m afraid in participating physical activities too out of fear of embarrassment. I also tend to avoid family gatherings and not much of a party guy either, especially because I cannot drink or smoke (kidney transplant).
I can’t stand being a single virgin and I am trying to self-improve to hopefully catch someone’s attention, like doing exercise and everything I’ll mention after this paragraph. I tried a dating app for chubby people, but was mostly ignored by the ladies. Although I didn’t like the idea at all, I also tried another dating app for chubby gay guys, despite the fact that I don’t like guys much. I figured that I might as well start with someone that’s the same as me. There is an older guy that lives near me that’s willing to give me a chance and although I don’t find him attractive at all (he’s way fatter than me), I figured that my dating life has to start somewhere. If he’s what I can get, then I guess I can take it.
I wasted my 20s doing absolutely nothing, but re-entered university in late-2018 and recently finished all of my classes. I haven’t graduated and obtained my bachelor’s degree in graphic design though. For that, I need to pass a final exam that’s called the “General Exam for Graduation of the Degree,” which I don’t think I’m going to pass. If I fail, I’ll have to wait until May 2024 to sign up for a specialist course that’ll take 12 months to complete. So, if I get lucky, I’ll get my degree in 2025, which sucks because my parents had to pay more than what they needed for me to still probably get that goddamn piece of paper. However, I don’t want to work on what I studied. I can draw better than most people, but when compared to what even my former classmates did, my stuff is just sad. Undoubtedly not professional-level and I fear of embarrassing anyone that hires me. So, whether I fail the test or not, it doesn’t matter. Pretty much, the only reason I want the degree is to increase my chances of landing in any job with lots of free time and to decrease my chances of getting fired.
Yeah, I’m someone that values free time more than money. I’d be OK working on a half-time job that’s enough to pay the bills for a single guy living in a tiny, tiny apartment. I am not someone with many needs. I’m a picky eater, so I tend to eat mostly the same stuff every day. I also try to save money and resources like water, gas, etc. I do use a lot of electricity though. Speaking of gas, I have a Smart Fortwo 2008, but don’t drive it because I don’t have a driver’s license. I think I am getting close to getting it though. I say “I think” because I need some help from my dad and I’m just waiting for him.
I have dreams and goals. There’s some that I’m pursuing more than others, but overall, they are nothing spectacular. They’re just everyday things that normal people obtain casually and that take for granted. The biggest one I have is to get a girlfriend, at least one before I die. I’m polyamorous too, but that’s one that I have very little hope for, especially when it’s hard for me to even befriend acquaintances. Just so you all know, I always jokingly say that I have more chances at seeing a ghost on Friday the 13th under a blue moon while all the planets are aligned, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t try.
Anyway, another one I have is to become more independent. Even if I end up doing the bare minimum where I can pay for my needs in exchange for my wants, I’d be OK with it. I don’t think I’m good enough to reach a middle-class citizen anyway, if I did, that would blow my mind. My more extraordinary dreams are not worth mentioning, but some of them include being more in shape, writing a novel, have a video game collection and buy a TPE sex doll, in case I never find someone.That’s all I can think of for the moment. So how would you all describe me? Am I being real or delusional? Am I aware of my limits or am I devaluating myself? Am I being (sufficiently) ambitious or lazy? Am I smart or dumb? Am I settling for less/mediocrity or am I a minimalist? Is all of this making me attractive or ugly? Likable or unlikable? Just tell me. Feel free to ask questions though.
